Pretty Hurts- Jayne Stuart Garber
June 5, 2008, “Dear Diary, I really really like Hudson Crook, but I don’t think he likes me back because my cheeks are so chubby and I wish my thighs were small like all the rest of my friends.” This is a diary entry I made in 5th grade after a grade-wide pool party. Jump now to my 8th grade year, November 13, 2010, “People tell me I am muscular or I am built differently, but when I hear that all I hear is that I am fat.” These are just two of the many entries I have made over the years regarding my physical appearance. Right now as I read these statements I shudder knowing that I have struggled with this issue of self-hate for many of my eighteen years.
According to the National Eating Disorder Association, 42% of first through third grade girls believe they need to be on a diet, and 81% of ten year old girls are unhappy with their bodies and are afraid of gaining weight. Being a contributor to these percentages I stand here today to ask why this problem is continually talked about and there are multiple campaigns to stop this matter, yet the issue is still in full force. Why do we find our self-worth in our physical being? We can blame the media for stressing the importance of beauty, but in the end how much of this issue is personal judgment on ourselves?
Standing here today I can honestly say I have found strength through this issue. My freshman year as I was nervous about beginning high school, causing my anxiety rose. Being a secret avid worrier, I became so worked up when trying to find a Freshman Homecoming dress that I looked in the mirror at myself in this ill-fitting dress and I began to sob. It was in that moment that I made the realization that these thoughts had come too far. I had exerted so much energy into my appearance that I had mentally exhausted myself. As I sat on the floor of the dressing room I realized that this seemingly always happy Jayne-Stuart was happy with everyone but herself. As I stood up I looked into the mirror and for the first time I just decided it was time to start loving the girl that I saw. Since that day I have made it a point each day to just find something about myself to be happy with beyond my physical appearance. I have become proud of whom I am, and I feel freedom from what society and I has categorized me as because I have grown to love myself. Just as the flight attendant says on your flight says you must put your mask on before you put on the mask for another in case of emergency, in order to love and care for others you must learn to love yourself. This includes not making hateful comments about your physical appearance, accepting compliments graciously, and feeling confident with whom you are. I will be honest I crumble sometimes and it is easy for me to fall back into old ways, but I have to remind myself that what I think I am or what I perceive myself to look like is not who I am in truth.
As women, and especially as teenagers it is time to stop being so hard on ourselves. Each person in this room was created differently and perfectly, and instead of focusing on what we want to change about our physical selves, my hope is that we could focus on leading a healthy life. Balance is the key to success and success reaches far beyond self- perfection. Your character is of the upmost importance and what is on the inside is far more important than what see. I know that these words are just a drop in the bucket to the long journey we have to go, but I can only hope that leaving today you may feel inclined to get to know yourself better because you are whole lot better than you give yourself credit. It is time to focus on building each other up, and keeping each other accountable for their words. I cannot say it any better than Beyoncé when she says, “Pretty hurts, we shine the light on whatever’s worst we try to fix something but you can’t fix what you can’t see it’s the soul that needs the surgery.”