Jefferson Bethke
“If you don’t think we are in the middle of an all out boy/men crisis then you’re not paying attention. And one of the enormously detrimental ways that it is currently playing out right now is with our culture’s view of touch.
We have created a monster of a culture where the only two touches that are ok for men and boys are over sexualized ones, and violent ones. Meaning that guy touches are almost exclusively reserved in our culture for violence or sex.
Did you know one of the main predictors of incarceration in our society is lack of physical, healthy, loving touches growing up?
In fact, a psychologist in 2002 studied 49 different cultures and found a direct correlation between the lack of physical affection towards children and their aggression or how prone they are to violence as an adult. We are created for intimacy and platonic touch and if it doesn’t happen it will come out in destructive ways.
And I think this is so pertinent to fathers especially. Because we first have to deal with all the junk in our heart around physical touch. Why does it make us feel weird? What shame are we carrying? Have we been healed from that? Our whole family is at stake and it’s worth the work. And once we are healed and healthy then we can pass on loving, gentle, affection to our children as well. Because dads, you are usually the first and primary teacher of what’s healthy and what isn’t. To wrestle and push boundaries and let you kids learn when another person doesn’t like something, what’s appropriate, etc and ultimately to model and display to them that touch is a beautiful gift we are created for and an integral part of every normal loving relationship.
PS the phrasing or wording for this and what all the research is under if you want to read more is ‘skin hunger’ or ‘touch hunger’ which is powerful enough in itself to make you realize how important it is. #jeffsdadthoughts”
