Seventh Son Review (SPOILER FREE) - Abandon Hope All Ye Who Munch Here
SCORES
Sloppy – 5.5/10
Spud – 4.0/10
Yes, we could go on and on listing all the ridiculous plot holes, but there’s only one thing you have to know about Seventh Son…
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Spud: Jeff Bridges. What the hell, man. What. The. Hell.
Sloppy: *laughs* He was acting like one of the Muppets.
Spud: What was he thinking?
Sloppy: Did he go up to Ben Barnes before shooting like, “Hey Ben, this director’s a huge pussy. I can get away with anything. Check this out. MURR-MURR-MURR-WAAAARRRRRD!!”
Spud: The director’s like, “Uh-umm, M-Mr Bridges. Um, th-th-that’s not exac-exactl—“
Sloppy: “EY! You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to Oscar Winner Jeff Bridges?!”
Spud: He takes his Oscar out, “Go on, say it.”
Sloppy: That performance was something else… I kinda liked it.
Spud: See, THIS is being laughably bad.
Sloppy: What’s your number?
Spud: 4/10. He was the only thing keeping this mess together. Oh, him and Tusk - the beautifully and totally unnecessarily deformed sidekick.
Sloppy: I have to give it a 5.5 – Jeff Bridges is the most entertaining thing here, and he’s in it for 85% of the movie. I smiled every time he opened his mouth.
Spud: I want a shirt—can someone make me this shirt?—with Tusk and Mesh (the Elephant Man from Jupiter Ascending) together, and a love heart between them. Best unnecessary sidekicks ever.
Sloppy: 2015, year of bizarre Oscar Winner performances and deformed man-beasts.