#jeffs2sense

[jeffs2sense-blog]

The latest Tweets from JeffGoldblumtheCat (@Jeffs2Sense). http://t.co/JjbKZAWSuS Email me at [email protected]. Ohio

[jeffs2sense-blog]

Lonely Henry is nonsensical

Dear Jeff:

Maybe you can help me. My cat, Wuggapuss, refuses to eat healthy food. All he wants is junk food. You see, he is an octogenarian, nearly 19 in human years. Due to his age, he's lost a few teeth and has digestive issues, so his favorite junk food, Friskies Pate entrees, causes him to throw up...projectile style....and guess who gets to clean it up? I have his vet suggested 'healthy-balanced-geared- toward-good-digestive-health' gourmet food (costs 3x the Friskies), which when he finally does eat it, he doesn't vomit. He meows for hours demanding his junk food. His constant meowing at mealtimes and in the middle of night has become quite annoying. Any suggestions? Signed:

A concerned and sleep deprived Mom

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Dear ACASDM:

That's because middle of the night mealtime is the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUTTTTTT, from experience, I can see where Wuggapuss is coming from!! ALL THOSE OTHER THINGS ARE DELICIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One time mom bought me the worst dry food in the world that my brothers and I couldn't stand. But she put this delicious liquid on it that made it more tolerable. I think she called it broth. We ate it right up then!!

So I guess maybe you could try finding some broth that doesn't make WuggaWugga vomit? And THEN if you put it on his food he will gobble it up and not be hungry in the night time because BROTH IS SO AMAZING!!!!

Hope this helps ACASDM!!

#jeffgoldblumthecat

(dictated, but not read)

[jeffs2sense-blog]

There’s no sense in nonsense especially when the heat gets hot

Dear Jeff:

I’ve been given the task of hosting a “Friendsgiving” party in about a week and I have NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING! I don’t know who to invite and who to leave off. Do I use classy Thanksgiving decorations or something bright and colorful? Do I provide all the food or have it be a potluck? How big of a turkey do I need?  I’ve never hosted an event like this and I’m kind of freaking out. I’m hoping you can give some quick tips and tricks to party planning/hosting. 

Sincerely, Turkey for Days

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Dear Turkey for Days:

You are in luck my feline wellwisher!! I happen to be a virtuoso when it comes to parties. Mom and I co host parties all the time (though people show up because of me…don’t tell her). “Friendsgiving” is just the best possible name in the world and I love it and I love you and I love treats! Although I may have to steal the title.

Let’s start with budget. Your budget for parties should be your budget for an engagement ring- 3 months salary. Now that we have that covered, we can talk about decorations. You ask about classy vs. bright & colorful…….BOTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Neon, glitter and sequins! You can’t go wrong! Your guests will be entertained by the flashyness of it all that you won’t even need to talk to them! (But you invited them over so you should probably talk to them. Don’t be rude T4D.)

I’d say streamers are a nice quick fun fun FUN, really fun, decoration to not only play with, but easy to brighten up any room and give it a twist. Your table is gonna be your main decoration spot though. So don’t screw that up T4D! Also, put fun things in spots where a person may not expect to see them- like a few turkeys and pilgrims in the bathroom.

The thought that needs to be in your head while planing is this: Your main concern for parties is always always always think of your guests!

INVITES: I would love to invite roughly 463 guests to every party I do, but then I know the ones I definitely want to come, won’t show up. So you want to think about the people at the top of your list. Then think about who, in your friend group, would they want at the party or get along with. For example, my best friends our my brother, Mr Big, Paul and stick-with-string. Mr. Big and Paul are friends, but they both think stick-with-string is a dick. So I would probably only invite Mr. Big and Paul to a party I was having. This a) allows the 2 to not be uncomfortable and b) makes sure they won’t leave before the party is over. There is no worse pain then when people leave your party. So make sure you keep them happy enough that they stay as long as possible.

FOOD: I like to try and do everything myself, but when you are having a party where the main event is dinner, it can be really hard to maintain all that food! You also run into people’s allergies and diet concerns. That’s why I like to go with potluck. Then you won’t have to worry about as many dishes and if your guest does have a food concern, they will have at least one dish. Now, that doesn’t mean you are off the hook T4D, you still need to provide a few other dishes, a little bit of drink options and the main dish. Which brings us to the turkey. The rule of thumb with buying a turkey is 1 pound for person. So once you get that invite list figured out, you have your turkey weight. (Turkey leftovers, though, should not be looked over. They can be frozen and are a personal gift from the goddess Bastet- the ancient Egyptian goddess of cats.)

Well, I could write a book on parties, but I hope this gives you an idea for your “FRIENDSGIVING”!!!!!! You will do great. It will be great. You are great! I will leave you with this: whenever you think about this party, instead of getting overwhelmed or stressed, turn it around and get excited! You are a party host! It’s exciting! Just keep your heart happy and you can’t go wrong. But don’t eff it up either, T4D.

#jeffgoldblumthecat

(dictated, but not read)