I keep having dreams with my dog in it.
It's so bittersweet. The first few times I thought she had somehow come back to life, and waking back up was painful. After a few times I knew it was a dream. Now when she visits me I cherish every second. I lay next to her and wrap my arms around her and stroke her fur while I tell her how much I love her. In my dreams she's not weak, she can run and play, she's not in pain. When I lost her she was hurting so much.. she wouldn't even lick my face. In my dreams she gives me the same sloppy kisses she used to.
I don't believe in an afterlife. I know she's not really visiting me. It's all in my head. But it really does feel like I get to see her again.
I miss her so much and I still cry everyday even though it's been months. I think she's my heart animal.
She was the light of my life. Even when I was at the barn from sun up to sun down and didn't give her as much attention, we had the same connection. And when I did give her attention, she was so happy. Every day I'd tell my mom "look at her!!" while she laid in her bed. "Look at how cute she is!" My mom would be annoyed, but I think she just didn't understand. It didn't matter what she was doing, my love for her was almost unbearable, and every time I looked at her she filled me with joy.
I don't think I'll ever feel that way about another dog. I love all my animals, but I love her more than any other. The idea of getting another dog is off-putting. I can't handle having a dog that isn't her.
