Jenn could feel how nervous he was as his pant leg brushed against her knee. They were about to bring Youngjae up to sing a congratulatory song for his childhood friend's wedding.
She was not at all prepared when he asked her to be his plus one. She’s never been a plus one. Never had a plus one. She wondered if it was really okay to be his plus one to his friend's wedding.
But here she was, sitting next to him with the spring weather in full swing. She put her palm over his knee and he immediately dropped his anxious leg bouncing.
“Hey,” She whispers and he meets her eyes. Her gaze alone was enough to wash away all his worries. Jenn turned her neck to look around them. The sun was shining, the sky was clear, the air was so refreshing. Youngjae too took a moment to take in his surroundings like she did. It was her way of calming herself down. She taught him that a long time ago.
When she turned back to him, she smiled and moved her hand to pat against his shoulder. “Go do what you do best.” She smiled, fighting the impulse to give him a kiss. She knew she couldn’t. Especially not here. She’d have to save that for tonight.
He was significantly less nervous. Mostly because of her, but the scenery played a nice part in it too. Youngjae quickly squeezed her knee, giving her a nod as they finally called his name.
Everyone clapped for him, Jenn included.
She would never get over his voice. It was single handedly one of her favorite sounds in the entire universe. As he sang, it was like she was falling in love all over again.
Her attention happened to fall on the groom and bride. How in love they looked. The man looked like he was about to cry while listening to Youngjae.
For a moment, she started to wonder if it was a mistake coming here. Because now her heart ached like she was grieving something. She cursed herself for thinking like this at a time that was supposed to be happy.
She wouldn’t have this. She wouldn’t get to experience this. A wedding is different when you’re only the guest. She wouldn’t get to experience the feeling of her own wedding. The planning and dress fittings. The subject was so fun to imagine for herself until a couple years ago. Now she doesn’t even see it in the cards for herself. It’s too late for her. She would not get married and have her very own ceremony. She wonders if her mother had imagined having a son in law by now, maybe some grandchildren.
Jenn is pulled back to the present when she feels the tears fall down her cheeks and onto her hands. She’s not sure what from. The voice of the man she loves or the fact that she will probably never marry?
synopsis :: youngjae witnesses jenn’s nightmares for the first time
warnings :: angst. mentions of nightmares. crying. tbh my jenn just deserves the world i’d jump in front of a bus for her and youngjae would too
It had been a while since her last nightmare. She only used to get them every few months due to her being unable to enter the dream state. They were either really good dreams that she wished were real, or nightmares that terrified her so much, she woke up breathing frantically. Only then, there was no one sleeping beside her to hold her when she cried. Luna was there, but even a cat couldn’t comfort her as much anymore.
Jenn’s mother argued with Youngjae for over 20 minutes, insisting he stay the night after he had a few drinks in their apartment. It was useless going back and forth with her, so he gave up and decided to stay for the night.
When Youngjae joined Jenn in her bed, it was rather awkward at first. Sure, they’d slept together. But it felt different this time around. She used to stay at his apartment with his brother too. Maybe it was because her mother was in the next room or guilt was creeping up on her again. They got over it quickly when Jenn’s cat hopped on the bed, quickly laying down on Youngjae’s lap.
“She loves you.” She smiled, petting Luna’s soft head and looking up at him.
“Does she?” Youngjae carefully pet her too, leaning back against the pillows on the bed.
Jenn was quick to fall asleep from all the alcohol she had. She had built up a tolerance in the past year, so she didn’t usually act like her flirty, affectionate self when drunk.
When Luna got up and positioned herself between them, Youngjae finally started to doze off before being awakened by the shifting in the bed. He didn’t know what was going on until he heard the faint whimpering coming from the woman next to him.
He turned over, touching her shoulder to see if she was awake. He got nervous, not sure what to do as she continued to usher and whine. He shook her gently, whispering her name.
“Jenn, wake up.” He was careful not to scare her too much. He had to raise his voice a few levels before she woke up, breaths heavy as she sat up and looked around her.
“Hey, calm down. Calm down. You’re okay.” He cupped her cheeks as she finally made eye contact with him. She held onto his wrists with tears in her eyes. “It’s not real.”
He pulled her into his chest, holding her tight and rocking her back and forth. He shushed her as she dug her fingers into his shirt, beginning to hate herself for the way she was feeling.
“They won’t stop. They’ll never stop.” She sobbed quietly as Youngjae rubbed her back. He wished he could give her more physical comfort than he was already giving, it didn’t seem like enough. He wanted to hug all her pain away.
He didn’t realize how serious her dreams were whenever Mark would bring it up. Now he knew just how much they consumed her.
“You’re okay. I’ve got you.” He spoke softly, kissing the top of her head as he brushed his fingers through her hair. “It’s not real. It’s over.”
His voice was enough to make her melt like goo. It was bringing her relief quickly, relaxing her shoulders and curling into his chest. She realized that she was awake now and that her nightmares couldn’t get her anymore. She was in reality.
“I’m sorr-”
“Nope. You don’t have to say anything. Let’s just lay here.” He pulled away from her for just a few so he could set her pillows up the way he liked them. He laid back against them as she followed, resting her head on his chest where she could hear his heartbeat. She wrapped her arm all the way over his waist, holding him tight so he couldn’t get away. He began brushing her hair behind her ear as he hummed her a song.
They stayed in the same position for a bit, not exchanging words but just enjoying the quiet room with the air blowing and Luna purring. When her cheek got numb, she lifted her head up for a second to get the feeling back.
“You okay?” Youngjae spoke up, patting the back of her hand as her head moved with his chest.
“I am now. Thank you.”
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
“No. I hate it so much. It just keeps coming back.” Her voice shook, squeezing her eyes shut to prevent tears from forming again.
“I know, I’m sorry.” He sighed while looking down at her. “Think you can fall asleep again? You need to rest.”
“Yeah, I just don’t want to dream anymore.”
“It’s okay. I’m here now.”
“Don’t say that, please.”
“Why not?” He frowned, still caressing her head in a steady motion.
“Last time someone said that to me, he left me.” There was not an inch of bitterness or emotion in her voice. She was tired of being lied to.
“Jenn, listen to me.” His hand slid down to her waist, pressing his thumb into her hip. “I’m not going anywhere. We’re in this together now.”
She moved her head, turning and looking straight at him and searching for any hesitance. She couldn’t bear to go through another breakup. And Youngjae quite literally meant the world to her.
“I mean it. I’m here to stay.” His gaze was locked on hers, stroking her cheek before stretching down to press a long kiss to her lips. “Try to go back to sleep. I’ll be right here.”
She slightly nodded as he pulled the covers over her shoulder and wrapping his arm around her. Jenn relaxed her neck, resting on his chest again. The thump of his heart was enough to lull her to sleep. It sounded like a lullaby to her. She felt so safe with him, in his arms. It couldn’t get any harder than it already was for her. All she had to do now was live and find a way to adjust.
the most adorable sight of jenn’s cat and youngjae cuddled up together when she walked into her bedroom door was priceless. it seemed youngjae had fallen asleep while waiting for her to come home. she warned him she’d be home late and not to wait up for her. he laid flat on the bed with his head to the side, while luna was sleeping soundly on his chest. before doing anything else, she made sure to take a few pictures on her phone before removing all her jewelry and hair pins.
coming back to the bedroom with her bare face and slip dress on, she carefully picked up luna, removing her from youngjaes chest which woke him right up.
“you’re home,” he quickly sat up, rubbing his eyes and guarding them from the bright bedroom light. jenn sat on the edge of the bed, patting his knee that was covered by his ripped jeans.
“i’m home.” she grabbed his frantic hand that was in search of his phone for the time. she pressed her lips to the inside of his wrist. “i told you i was gonna be home late.”
“i know, but i’m usually awake at this hour anyway.” he inhaled through his nose, looking around the bed for luna.
“look at this.” jenn smiled, turning her phone towards him to show him the pictures. “my babies.”
he chuckled, blushing as he scratched his neck. she couldn’t help but grab his shirt between her fingers and kissing him.
“let’s go to bed.” she smirked, kissing his chin before grabbing the edge of his shirt and assisting him in taking it off. she crawled to the top of the bed from where she was seated, slipping her legs under the sheets and patting the mattress for luna.
youngjae laid back down, rolling on his side to stare at her. she smiled at him, pushing his stray hairs away from his eyes. “go back to sleep.” she finally kissed his forehead and lips before reaching over to turn off the light from her lamp. before she could get comfortable, he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her against his chest. his lips brushed her cool shoulder before whispering. “goodnight noona.”
she felt fine as the music started, only starting to feel weak and tired after the first chorus.
the members felt the same frustration as jenn. it was poor planning on their part, having jenn promote her album and go straight into got7′s comeback. she only had a single day to rest, and even that wasn’t enough to carry her through the entirety of promotions.
it took everything in her to finish strong with the dance break, slipping a bit as the members spun on the floor. she felt bigger than she really was; dead weight. holding out till the end, jenn got down on her knee and waited for the cue to move. she didn’t notice that her legs buckled and gave out, holding herself up with her fragile arm.
jackson, who was closest to her, grabbed her by the arm to keep her from completely falling over. she took deep breaths in and out, trying to pass through the dizziness. mark held onto her elbow, trying his best to balance her on her feet.
“i’m fine” she tried shaking the boys off of her, “seriously, i’m fine”
mark obeyed her, but not straying too far away from her. she hated making a scene or causing her members to worry about her. she shrugged it off as much as possible, but she was finally at her breaking point.
jaebeom followed close behind her as the group walked off the stage, shaking his head while feeling both angry and guilty.
Jenn sighed, leaning over the couch and wrapping her arms around him from behind. “I’m here”
She had gotten home later than she promised him, leaving him at home with only the pets to entertain.
“It’s okay, I understand” He patted the spot on the couch next to him, looking up at her.
“I’m sorry, are you mad?” She frowns, taking a seat next to him and patting his knee. He shook his head quietly. The two sat in silence for a few seconds before Jenn tried leaning in for a kiss, only for him to not do the same.
“You don’t wanna kiss me?” She frowned.
A smile crept onto his face, “I always want to kiss you.”
His hand sneaked behind her neck, pulling her into a kiss.
“Take a bath with me and all is forgiven” He chuckled, pecking her lips one last time.
“I love you. I hope you know that“ She nodded, stroking his cheek with her hand. “I don’t tell you enough”
6 - “i don’t like when you say things like that. to me, you’re perfect.”
11 - “i’m just glad you’re safe. i wouldn’t know what to do if i lost you.”
She eyed herself in the mirror, running her fingers through the cold water and patting under her eyes in attempt to bring down the puffiness under her eyes.
Mark peeked his head in before joining her and wrapping his arms around her waist. He hummed against her skin, leaving soft kisses against her shoulder. She hugged him back and let out a sigh of relief.
“I look like a zombie, it’s not cute” She shook her head, earning a frown from him.
“I don’t like when you say things like that. To me, you’re perfect.” He poked her side, getting her to giggle before kissing her cheek.
“You have to admit, I look like I haven’t slept in ages”
“Because you haven’t. Now, the doctor said to rest and I am gonna make sure that happens” Mark lifts her up, carrying her to their room and falling back onto the bed.
"You’re gonna hold me hostage in here, aren’t you?” She chuckles, trying to escape Mark and Milo who started attacking them.
“Mommy’s home!” Mark’s voice softened, teasing the dog.
She was fortunate enough to pull herself through till the end of promotions, but wasn’t doing too well after.
“I’m just glad you’re safe. i wouldn’t know what to do if i lost you”
She laid her head on his chest “Love, I was just a bit dehydrated and sleep deprived, it’s not like I am dying” She smiles at him, holding his cheek with her palm.
“jenn, it’s okay” mark whispered to her, brushing his fingers through her hair to try to soothe her, “you can go to sleep”
she had another dream where life was normal, except she wasn’t an idol. she hadn’t ever met mark or the boys, instead was stuck in a torturous relationship with a man that her father set her up with. she was trapped.
once she woke up, it was hard to keep the tears at bay. she grabbed the sheets and covered her mouth while she sobbed silently. except it wasn’t silent at all.
mark woke up to his love faced away from him, trying to use the pillow and blankets to hide her emotions. he could still see her shaking though.
he shifted closer to her, running his hand up and down her back while softly kissing her tired shoulder. “talk to me, what’s wrong”
she shook her head, trying to act as if she was fine when she wasn’t. she turned to face him, forcing a smile.
the pads of his fingers wiped her tears away as he frowned. “tell me”
she tossed and turned between his legs, her head resting against his chest. no matter how hard she tried closing her eyes, she couldn’t drift off. she knew the more she kept moving that mark wouldn’t be able to sleep either.
“i give you permission to go to sleep babe” chuckling while tucking her hair back.
“but-”
“sleep. you’re okay, i got you” he shushed her, pulling the sheets over her and placing a kiss on the top of her head.
she sighed, laughing at how pathetic she was.
“i promise” he wrapped his arms around her, “i promise i will be here when you wake”
