11.
She wanted to write like the future was still possible even though there was every reason to believe it wasn't. She was tired of all the absolute certainty that it could never be, false certainty opposed to false certainty, superficial despair as an antidote to superficial hope. Acting like being radical is having the right pose, the right taste in movies, rather than taking action, facing what is to be done. Still, she couldn't blame the doomers in a way. It hurt to open yourself up to the future because the future is the possibility of failure--the sure knowledge that you would fail again and again.
They were afraid there would be no future, and they were afraid there would be a future. They were afraid that the future would demand something of them they couldn't give.
She wanted to write like the future was still possible even though she knew there was no future for her. Jenny was one of the people who responded to the internet by making herself invisible. She retreated into silence, cutting out her voice, daughter of the air. No good, no fair, nowhere.
