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JAY-Z Assures Public That He Had Beyoncé’s Permission to Sleep With 13 Year Old Girl

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK - Reiterating that he would never break his wedding vows, Hip-Hop icon and business mogul JAY-Z has finally addressed accusations that he had sexually assaulted a 13 year old girl with Sean “Diddy” Combs back in 2000, reassuring the public that Beyoncé had been well aware of the sexual encounter and had permitted it.

“I would never, ever, cheat on my wife,” the “Hard Knock Life” rapper said in a statement. “But the fact of the matter is that we aren’t your typical couple. We’re business people — we’re entertainers. We’re constantly on the road, and when you’re on the road, away from your spouse, you get urges. We both enact these urges regularly and inform each other whenever it happens every time. It isn’t cheating — it’s polyamory.”

Beyoncé has yet to release a statement of her own on the matter, but JAY-Z has assured that she does not approve of these accusations. “This isn’t your typical woman,” JAY-Z added. “This is Beyoncé, the Queen B that we’re talking about here. Put some respect on her name.”

As JAY-Z deals with the repercussions of the lawsuit accusing him of these heinous acts, one thing remains clear: he’s got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one.