The things we currently know about kaiju are only enough to know that we don't know jack shit about how they work. Fuck me, even "kaiju" is just a wastebin taxa for "anything that tells the square-cube law to go fuck itself," the liquid miracle is part of it, sometimes, but that's not fucking close to all of it, not even within a catgirl's magnum cock of it.
And I was fucking there for that scientific conversation, I was there when that one fucker threw a chair, it was that fucking stupid, so don't you fucking lecture me like my fucking editor, because I've seen the shit!
And that's before we get into people being stupid as hell, and I'm not just talking about the Reverend's sycophants, there's a whole lot more shit out there I had to shovel. God, I thought we had it bad with global warming, and now we have another fucking crisis. Though at least we're doing better on the climate, small blessing for the fucking killbeasts.
But, one of the things that's become a big fucking deal is Kaiju Cities. There's some human-habitated locations, and it's always somewhere that people live, these things just flock to like roaches to a fucking twinkie. There's no real factors for it, it can be anywhere from a Aldaville-level shithole to big shit deals like Seattle, it's just a town they like.
Some people still live there, most nope the fuck out. Though, somehow Detroit still improved. But, they like to stay there and wreck shit, so we mostly have potempkin villages that we give people jobs to rebuild, to keep them occupied so we can study 'em and as like that pumpkin full of meat we give to the animals at the zoo except we're making sure the meat isn't screaming this time.
And that's why I came, because, guess who was on the fucking path to one of them?
Yeah, within the spiral of Black Hole Sun, this town was smack dab in the next inhabited part of the path. And as a good samaritan... well, okay, as a person who hates people being turned into corpses, I went to warn 'em
It was a gang of heterodox weirdos, experimental science-renegades, dropout tinkers and filthy citizen-science freaks, so in other words, my kinda people. So, I would've convinced 'em to leave, but they couldn't, cause they had to take care of an injured friend.
I asked them how fucking injured they had to be for there to be no fucking way to rig something up to get them the fuck out, until I saw the improv medbay the size of a kaiju and and... well, it explained some shit.
Lemmee tell you a bit about Teo Toriatte. If you could call any fuck-off huge god-monster a "goober" it'd be her. Every time I've stumbled upon her she always looked confused as hell and what the godless Britannians call "gormless," and I don't just mean in the normal way lizards always do. She mostly breaks shit by accident and, whenever she gets in a fight, even if you're going to feel that super-blast or veno-ray or whatever the hell they're calling it when she does, boy does she take her time.
But, I think she likes people. Like, not the fucked up yam-dairy shit of ol' I.T. or whatever, a real deal like for humans. I don't think she's ever stepped on a guy who wasn't that asshole ex-RIAA fucker (Who brought it on itself, read my backlog for that) and when push comes to shove in a fight she's never heard no bell. Albeit, not sure if that's partially because of the time for it to get between her ears, but still.
And she was beat up bad, apparently some little town got assblasted by Mr Brightside and she foought back. And she won, holy fucking shit, she won! But, winning isn't much of a win if yo lost enough mincemeat to fit inside your trophy, and holy shit she was hit bad. They were doing all they can, every wire and every blinky thing attached, every chemical in great vats, everything ot save her.
Some of them prayed. I'm not a religious none-of-your-fucking-business-gender-person. But I prayed a bit too. And I helped, when I could, over the days, the hours when Black hole Sun was about to arrive. She's not much of a thinker, but she's a fighter. I thanked whatever fucking gods I could for every breath.
But it wasn't enough, the time to heal was crashing headfirst into the time the thing was coming like a trainwreck, and I could hear the cracks in reality like the cry of rotting tin.
When the last hour came, I walked out to see it. Reality was unwravelling. The rest of them walked out too, arms linked in a human chain. the thought was, maybe just maybe, they could provide an existential wall, to give her that last moment to flee. A sentiment only the deranged would hold.
I held hands with them, as the unmaker came, and the curtains upon the tragedy man fell. This is it. This is how I die. Not even enough of me to put in that fucking rocket like I planned...
...But then, a funny thing happened.
Reality... stopped falling apart. It became more stable. And the great black hole stopped in its tracks, and Teo Toriatte stepped out. Fully healed. A spark in its eyes like I'd never seen before.
I don't know how it happened. I don't know how it tanked a blast of concentrated Hawking radiation, I don't know how she fucking blasted the fucking thing with one of her beams, I don't know how she fucking grappled a black hole, but in the end, she won.
And like that, the thing melted away. Reality returned to all it had been sundered. It was a miracle, an honest to gods miracle. And before she walked to god knows where, she looked at us, and brought her head down as we surrounded her in a hug.
I don't know if Black Hole Sun is coming back. I don't know what other horrors await us in the future. But I do know this. This is an age of the spectacle of ruin, man-made or man-unmaking horrors beyond our comprehension. But this is also an age of miracles.
And in the end, as corny as it is to say, for the miracles to happen love is the key. Let us cling together, as the years go by, on and on...
-D.W. Devlin, reporter
---------------------------
Ability Notes: Extraordinarily physically strong amongst kaiju, with the ability to project a beam of aerosolized reactive venom (which, seems to only harm creatures at the mass of kaiju) and a small magnesium-esque "fireball" from her throat, both of which she's able to combine and shape into devastating forms of deadly light that're surprisingly varied.
She's often slow to action in both thought and body, but lightning fast when things get serious. Most notably, one of her greatest abilities is her indomitable will. She cannot be mind-controlled or phased, she gets up when you think she's down, and she didn't hear no fucking bell.
Bonus Trivia:
------------------------------
And so, we end... near way back where we started! Because yeah, Teo Toriatte is a version of Jiira from my older Kaijune stuff, basically the "heisei" version to the old one's "showa" version. I named her after the Queen song because, hey, I knew I wanted to name at least one after a Queen song, and that one fit the bill super well thematically.
And yes, I do plan to bring back more characters from the old setting, one in particular comes to mind, though I am... perhaps unsure of how I'll kitbash her model.
But, that's a problem for next year, and, in Kaijune tradition, this character and all related narrative elements are under a CC-BY 4.0 license, as long as I, Thomas F Johnson, am credited as their creator. Have fun!
Shoutout to @string-stryker for being a huge help on coloring this friend! It’s a new drawing of my old OC Jiira! As opposed to the old; shamefully poor shoop I did ages ago!
She (Yeah, she’s a she) basically was mutated by atomic testing, and went on a “rampage” that was mostly motivated by her cluelessness, but ended up becoming a beloved “hero” kaiju after tangling with multiple others; including the nasty Star Soldier Bidoll.
She’s mostly peaceful and sleepy until it comes time to fight, in which case she’s exuberant and fearless; even if she sometimes seems to have no clue what’s going on. Think the sort of post-Goku “dumb shonen hero” archetype but more chill and you’ll have a good idea. Like those characters tho, she does have a compassionate spirit, and that does count for a lot.
Her main weapon; aside from her regenerative abilities; is her Light Breath, a vaporous breath that shines with the luminosity of... well, an atomic bomb. Though, it’s hypothesized that part of its deadly effect comes from the venom combined with the luminous energy; to create essentially a lingering gaseous “laser net,” which is totally plausible under bullshit kaiju movie science.
There have been attempts at hybridizing her tissue with a human subject, though that’s part of a larger concept for another time...
And, as per usual she is free to use as you see fit under a CC-BY Vanilla 4.0 License as long as I; Thomas F. Johnson; am credited as her creator when you do so!
