#jinkilatte

[jinkilatte]

"The smile that trembles deep behind your tears

Is the promise of the world since the beginning of time

Even if I’m alone now, from our yesterdays

Today is born sparkling

Like the day when we first met

You’re not in my memories

You turn into a breeze and touch my cheeks

Even after our parting in the afternoon with the sun beaming through the trees

The promise of the world won’t ever end

Even if I’m alone now, tomorrow is limitless

You taught me about

The kindness that lurks in the night

You’re not in my memories

So live forever in the song of the streams

In the color of this sky, in the fragrance of flowers"

世界の約束 - Howl's Moving Castle

It's been one year and this will forever be your song.

I've been crying, I do that once in a while because I still miss you and today even more. Oh I know, I shouldn't be because you're at peace but let me be a little bit selfish, Jong. I do miss you and I want to tell you that once in a while. But you'll be happy to know that I can still listen to your songs and they make me a little bit sad but they're comforting me. I'll always love you, our bling bling. It's been 8 years since I last saw you. In Paris. You'll always be 27 years old. I'll grow old and one day we'll meet again. You'll be singing for all us, I know. Have a goodnight, Jonghyun. You did well.

[jjonghyun]

I have too many. I loved when he was caught playing an instrument, especially the kazoo. But my personal true one is him at the SMTown Paris in 2011. They were so young but I remember him smiling at us and the energy he put in the performance. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I miss him dearly.

🌹

send me memories of jonghyun, lets remember him happily together

[jinkilatte]

We never had a difficult year like 2017.

And I do hope we'll never have another one.

I still remember reading the allegations about Jinki, the doubts, him disappearing and seeing them as 4 for the first time. Still, nothing prepared us Shawols for that tragic December. It was horrible and it was terrifying. There's not a single day passing by that I do not think of him.

But then, somehow, life has its own way of putting the pieces back together... And in the end, spring arrived for all of us, too. The foggy view I saw for months, somehow, disappeared. Here comes the sun.

We've never had such a meaningful comeback. Such a honest comeback.

Our boys, our men, even more than ever, are back not only with a renovated strength, but also with a more comfortable and simple side to them. As if nothing will ever made themselves doubt about them being together as 5. For this, I'll forever be grateful. For this, they'll always be my inspiration.

And, once again, as this song comes up on my playlist, unexpected, I can't help but think of him. But this time, I'm smiling. Because you'll never be forgotten - you're still living in all of us, Jong.

"Even if I’m alone now, from our yesterdays

Today is born sparkling

Like the day when we first met

You’re not in my memories

You turn into a breeze and touch my cheeks

Even after our parting in the afternoon with the sun beaming through the trees

The promise of the world won’t ever end

Even if I’m alone now, tomorrow is limitless

You taught me about

The kindness that lurks in the night

You’re not in my memories

So live forever in the song of the streams

In the color of this sky, in the fragrance of flowers. "

~世界の約束

[jinkilatte]

Don't cry.

'' Death is nothing at all. 

I have only slipped away to the next room. 

I am I and you are you. 

Whatever we were to each other, 

That, we still are. 

Call me by my old familiar name. 

Speak to me in the easy way 

which you always used. 

Put no difference into your tone. 

Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. 

Laugh as we always laughed 

at the little jokes we enjoyed together. 

Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me. 

Let my name be ever the household word 

that it always was. 

Let it be spoken without effect. 

Without the trace of a shadow on it. 

Life means all that it ever meant. 

It is the same that it ever was. 

There is absolute unbroken continuity. 

Why should I be out of mind 

because I am out of sight? 

I am but waiting for you. 

For an interval. 

Somewhere. Very near. 

Just around the corner. 

All is well. ''

[jinkilatte]

My lockscreen right now. I need happy memories. I love you.

[jinkilatte]

“At the temple there is a poem called "Loss" carved into the stone. It has three words, but the poet has scratched them out. You cannot read loss, only feel it.” 

A. Golden

[jinkilatte]

Closure. This is long, so feel free to skip.

Last night, after almost a week spent either at work or in bed, I finally got the strength to get ready and get out.

We went to a pub here in my city, Milan.

The atmosphere was light,I was with my friends and my boyfriend.

Every once in a while the music was reminding me of him.

There we were, enjoying our lives, going out and talking about silly things. I asked myself why wasn't this enough for him. I asked myself how many things he would have missed, how many small smiles, how many gentle moments. And then it crushed me, that the world was going on and he wasn't there anymore.

But I could feel him, I could feel it all coming to a closure. In there, between the laughs of unknown people, the Christmas lights... I said my last goodbyes to him. I felt he was at peace.

Onew posted on Instagram exactly 10 minutes later.

"All is well''. That's what I thought. I imagined him trying to upload a black picture and just putting his finger on the camera to achieve some quick sort of black. Typical Jinki. It made me smile.

Tonight I went to see them all. I went back to our concert together, 6 years ago. They were all smiling and my heart was filled with joy and pain, but a nice shade of pain. A calm one. I woke up, for the first time since Monday, without crying.

Now I'm going to get ready, and go to work. I managed to say goodbye.

Goodbye, my heart.

[jinkilatte]

To all my followers and mutual.

First of all, thank you for the support and the love.

It's been a rough road. I'm still crying as soon as I think about them. The hurt for him is now added to the hurt I feel for the members. All of them - my lovely Jinki, mostly. It's been so hard on him lately, so hard. I'm an agnostic person, but I still found myself praying for them.

I like to think Jonghyun is with my grandma who also passed away this year. I like to imagine them both up there. It makes me feel better.

That being said, this Tumblr is staying up. I'll keep on sharing Jinki, mostly, but as always also all the members and our angel in particular. I'm finding of huge support looking at them having fun and performing, therefore I'll share both happy and less happy posts.

Also, keep in mind my dm is always open for you guys.

Be strong and let's go on, day by day, like he would have desired.

💙