just between us (for now)
DazatsuWeek2025
Day 1 | married au - timeloop - secrets
Atsushi is acting odd, Dazai notices and thinks the worst but boy he’s in for a surprise.
ao3 link :-3
Atsushi is not the biggest fan of keeping things from others. His whole life was and continues to be shrouded in secrets, his ability and parents being prime examples of this. He didn’t know he wielded a supernatural white tiger as an ability for the first 18 years of his life nor does he know a single thing about his parents. It’s safe to say he doesn’t like being left in the dark and stemming from that, keeping things from his friends and coworkers.
Byakko inhabited his body, he knew this and when he had a conversation with Yosano about abilities manifesting in other ways Atsushi was in no way prepared for this.
It started off with a growing appetite, he brushed it off as his body getting used to three guaranteed meals a day he knew by some personal research and Yosano’s advice that he should expect changes in his appetite and weight. That soon changed into a craving for meat specifically come meal times, even early in the morning as he made up breakfast he had a small itching to sink his teeth into a nice cut of meat. Atsushi could deal with that and chalked it up to Byakko’s tendencies manifesting through him so he made sure that within his budget he ate meat with at least one of his meals.
Though that itch continued to grow and Atsushi soon resulted to eating meat with most of his meals to try satisfy it but it just kept growing. It grew into what felt like an absolute need and it was driving Atsushi up the wall. Was it so hard for him to find any sort of peace in his life.
This itch soon blossomed into the urge to bite at his friends, just sink his teeth into their flesh; it was utterly humiliating and he had no one to confide in.
The isolation wasn’t a good factor to throw into the mix here either, he began to bite himself to cope and it was the only way to somewhat satisfy this urge and even then it barely did anything. It was a short relief as his teeth sunk into his flesh but the euphoria was split-second short lived. Atsushi’s arms consisted of deep bites, some scarring over already and some still fresh, he had entire chunks of flesh missing. It was the only way for him to cope.
He even moved out of Kyouka and his shared dorm because he woke up one morning and his late night biting caused a chunk to be bitten off and a massive pool of blood to dry on the futon. He couldn’t soil her image of him so he moved out under the guise of she needs space to grow in her age and new found life in the light. Which wasn’t a complete lie, Atsushi had been thinking about it for a while now he just made the full decision with new factors.
This all leaves Atsushi here, laying in his own dorm alone with a fridge full of meat and his futon stained with blood.
Something was up with Atsushi. Dazai had noticed the continuous shift in his behaviour starting a couple months ago.
If you didn’t actively look you wouldn’t notice a thing but if you took a moment to focus on Atsushi alone you would. He was still spending time with the group but kept to himself, very reclusive and not contributing to conversations as often anymore. He’s also started wearing long sleeved clothes which typically wouldn’t cause much of a concern considering the colder months are starting to set in. But Dazai is an expert in all things Atsushi and knows all too well that boy runs extremely warm, so his shift in fashion was something to note. The cherry on top was when Atsushi moved out of his dorm. Dazai knew how protective Atsushi was of Kyouka and for him to abruptly make a decision like that was the final straw for Dazai’s ‘sit back and let it run it’s course’ plan to end and it was time to intervene.
Of course Dazai’s conclusion was some kind of mental break along with the poor habit of self harm he’s witnessed in Atsushi before so he finds it very reasonable that he needs to check on Atsushi.
Dazai knocked against Atsushi’s door “At-su-shi, I know you’re in there let me in won't you?” Footsteps approached the door, the sound of the latch and the door swung open revealing Atsushi, stood in all his dishevelled and sleepy glory. Clearly he had gotten home and crashed after the long day of paperwork after their latest case closed. Dazai’s eyes travelled down Atsushi’s form with an amused chuckle before landing on the red slowly seeping through the fabric of his sleeve. His amusement faltered and automatically reached for Atsushi’s arm, causing him to full body flinch away from him.
The silence was loud. Deafening.
“It’s nothing.”
“Doesn’t look like nothing. I can help.”
“It’s embarrassing.”
“Self harm isn’t something to be ashamed about-” “- it’s not self harm.”
Well that completely threw Dazai off, if Atsushi wasn’t hurting himself was he attacked? A quick peek at his dorm showed no signs of a struggle.
“Well- not exactly self harm..”
Ok what is going on. Dazai is wholly unprepared for what could be wrong with Atsushi and he didn’t like it. He had a back up for his back up before this wrench was thrown in.
Whatever it was Atsushi needed help and Dazai was going to provide it, he wasn’t going to leave Atsushi to face whatever this was alone. “Well, let’s have a chat, tea?” Amusement came over Atsushi’s face “You mean you’re going to brew MY good tea?” He stepped aside “Precisely that, so intuitive these days aren’t you.”
They soon set up at the table, cups steaming and the bloodstain on Atsushi’s sleeve had gotten bigger since Dazai’s arrival. It was ok everything was fine.
”So, tell me your woes, what’s troubling you my dear Atsushi.” He tried to keep the mood light but staying on topic. Atsushi fidgeted, his hands clasping around the teacup before seemingly finding his words “It’s Byakko.. my ability.”
Oh no.
“She’s been… manifesting sort of? Through me I suppose.”
Ok.
Dazai can deal with this.
“It started with her just making me want to eat meat more which was fine I could afford it! But she soon decided animals weren’t to her fancy-” (He gritted his teeth which absolutely shouldn’t have made Dazai’s heart jump) “-she decided she wanted human flesh and obviously I can’t let her eat other people so.. uh.” His hands had been used to gesture quite wildly during his explanation but as the words left him so did the confidence in his words, retreating into himself to appear smaller. He moved his cup and laid his arms on the tabletop and rolled up his sleeves.
Mess was the best way to describe the state of Atsushi’s skin. Deep bite marks starting at his wrists and travelling all around and up the arm as far as his mouth could reach, Dazai guessed.
Dazai gently cupped Atsushi’s wrists, running his thumbs across some of the more recent looking ones, for a split second Dazai thought an animal attacked Atsushi but upon closer inspection, the angle of the wounds clearly showed they were self inflicted.
“Christ Atsushi.. Baykko’s doing this?”
“Eh, kinda? It’s me chomping down but it’s her influence. I tried keeping it a secret and dealing with it myself and this is where it’s landed me.” The frustration and upset was clear, this was taking it’s toll on Atsushi mentally and physically- the boy had chunks missing for god’s sake.
Dazai inspected the areas where clear chunks were gone “Is my ability helping?” “Uh.. yeah actually the urge is sort of muffled now.” Atsushi visibly relaxed “It’s so exhausting keeping it to myself..”
Obviously both Dazai and Atsushi knew he couldn’t rely on Dazai’s nullification as a solution for this issue, but suppose for now it’ll have to do.
Dazai had quickly nipped home to change into something to sleep in and tucked into bed with Atsushi under his chin. (They never really talked about their slowly blossoming relationship and now was definitely not the right time) Dazai slipped his hands under the other’s shirt, the warm skin being a nice contrast to Dazai’s chilled hands. Atsushi always ran warm another side effect of his ability.
Dazai woke alone. He was mildly confused for a moment as he blinked away the sleep before remembering where he was. He sat up scanning the room, eyes landing on the closed bathroom door piecing together that Atsushi was in there. Nothing to worry about, going to the bathroom wasn’t abnormal.
Unless you lay down again and put your hand in a fresh pool of blood seeping into the futon. Then it’s definitely something to worry about.
Dazai sat up again, rolling up the futon to deal with later before standing in front of the bathroom door. He didn’t knock, setting his hand on the doorknob “I’m coming in, don’t block the door.” There was no verbal protest as Dazai turned the handle and let the door swing open. The state Atsushi was in tugged mercilessly at Dazai’s heartstrings.
Atsushi was huddled next to the toilet with blood covering his lips and around his mouth and seeping from a sizable dent in his arm. Clearly he had bitten a chunk from his arm again and thrown it back up- or potentially thrown up from the nausea caused by what he did.
Dazai knelt down in front of Atsushi, shuffling closer so he could lean on Dazai, coughing a couple times and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
Silence lasted for a good while until Atsushi broke it.
“I can’t do this.”
Dazai ignored the ache in his chest, Atsushi sounded so beat down “You’re not alone anymore.”
Atsushi sniffled, wiped his eyes and stood up, flushing the toilet. Dazai took his hand, leading him back into the main room to unfold the spare futon and tuck back into bed.
This problem wasn’t something Dazai could fix overnight, hell Dazai didn’t think this was a problem he could solve on his own. His leading theory is that this wasn’t just a manifestation of Byakko in Atsushi but also his obvious repression towards his ability in it’s entirety. Perhaps if Atsushi were to be more accepting of his ability this little issue would come to an end.
Unfortunately there’s no proof of that and Dazai’s main focus on that moment is making sure Atsushi doesn’t run off again or hurt himself even more or in a way that could be an actual problem.
The possibility of Atsushi causing a near fatal wound to himself isn’t ruled out. Dazai chose not to think about that.
Pressing a kiss to Atsushi’s forehead, bringing the quilt up to properly tuck them both. Atsushi wasn’t alone with this anymore and Dazai will find the solution.
