#jitterspost

[thejitterbugs]

guess. g guess who, fucking forgot, Again

[thejitterbugs]

re: last post i laugh about it but being that philosophical at that age was intensely frightening ontop of what was already going on LOL. i was NOT meant to be an extremely 45-year-old kindergartener /j but no i was like. very acutely aware that the way my thought patterns worked was not "The Norm" and i was insecure asf about it. i dont even know how i knew that at the time either but i was Very Aware this also makes syscovery way more funny to be fair because i was So Acutely Aware of how our brain functioned and yet was still in denial for so long. like yeah i was literally assigning colors and Titles (not names, titles) to the "PARTS" in my brain that were clashing (YES EVEN USING THE TERM "PARTS") and wrote "poems" to "Myself" about "Self Reflection" and when DID was presented as a possibility i was still like "pfffft nah. not a chance in the world. i'd be so disrespectful if i were to put that label onto myself. i'd be diluting the experiences of others if anything! hahaaa" like. girl. no. your plurality is palpable girl

[thejitterbugs]

i forgot this account existed again todays thought is about how i think its really funny how our plurality manifested as being an extremely existential ass baby like we were having full blown existential crises in the midst of kindergarten. KINDERGARTEN! bro i was supposed to be playing touys. i was instead obsessively asking strangers and friends "hey what would do you if you woke up tomorrow and you were a baby again? and like you were dreaming this whole thing rn" <-yes this was a real thing that i asked a lot during kindergarten, up until i think 2nd grade ish? that and also the intensely self-observational gender revelations at around the same age. by the time i went into my first day of kindergarten, it was the most kids my age i had ever been around. so when i looked down the hall at all the kids, i shit you not, i thought verbatim: "... are there ONLY boys and girls? i could have sworn there'd be more than just boys and girls. like a combo or something" like i damn near felt betrayed :sob: i ASSUMED there were way more genders. i was an existential woke ass baby

[thejitterbugs]

so yk that recent post i made about having 3 persecutors frontstuck . so that very suddenly stopped happening last night LMAO i literally have no clue what caused that or what made it stop happening but like. okay ! it may have been EMDR tbh it may be fucking with compartmentalization and the controlling of such :P we've started EMDR with our therapist and its been Hooh Boy Wow! Scary (dw she's aware we have DID shes the one who diagnosed us shes awesome. she started taking online courses and buying thick ass books to learn how to properly do EMDR on intensely dissociative patients or plural patients shes extremely accommodating)

[thejitterbugs]

i once said in a "plural-friendly" server i joined that i liked having DID and someone said "..what kind of flex is that." like i wasnt flexing i was actually just saying i enjoy being myself but thx. i think youre telling on yourself that you think liking who you are (being plural) is a Flex so i'm sorry i guess. realtalk why do ppl act like in order to be valid in having DID you need to be consistently endlessly traumatized and check off a list of symptoms every month. like do you know what functional multiplicity is . do you know what recovery is . you can be fully recovered from your trauma and still have DID and still be valid in having DID. like. you're allowed to be doing well and also have DID. those two things arent mutually exclusive. they can happen at the same time without cancelling each other out . also god damn Fuck Forbid Me Like Being Plural. clutching my pearls. oh my god. you like the way your brain functions !? ALAS!!!! also guys i know syscourse will tell you otherwise but the alters =/= trauma. the alters are not THE trauma in of themselves. stop treating your alters as inherently traumatic :sob: yes it can be FROM something traumatic. that doesnt mean thats all they are and thats all theyll ever be. holy shit yall gotta be nicer to your headmates edit: NOT TO MENTION YOU CAN BE SUFFERING AND ALSO STIL LIKE YOURSELF. I KEEP FINDING LAYERS OF BULLSHIT

[thejitterbugs]

I'm Morze

I'm Semi

And I'm Guy Who Hasn't Chosen A Name But I Know It Starts With P

And We're The Help Me Brothers

[thejitterbugs]

our system works off of a shitton of mechanics that rely more on cofront blends and passive influence wayyyy moreso than An Individual Guy's influence. and also microdosing memory processing via passive influence and our individual window of tolerance's...... like usually instead of "i stopped fronting so [guy] could write smth down" it usually goes like "i felt a change in the rotation and now i am getting a VERY STRONG feeling i should write these words down but idk where they're coming from or what they mean just yet. idk". this made syscovery so fucking weird lemme tell you ALSO the fucking. self-medicating via passive influence. holy shit. we'll have 3 or 4 people in/near front that all hold memories/emotions/etc that clash SO BADLY with one another so in order for their front blend to not kill us immediately they have a fucking. chaperone guy (usually gatekeeper or caretaker adjacent) that utilizes their potent passive influence to chill the whole frontfeel out. 3 guys in front that all feel like exploding but theres 1 guy ten feet away thoughtbeaming rays of sunshine in their direction so its less bad.

[thejitterbugs]

how the FUCK am i gonna do a system intro man. our system could be classified as polyfragmented-- though i dont use the term "fragments" for any one guy, i usually use it for like. memories that literally havent formed enough of a consciousness to BE a guy. its a whole thing. we call it The Condensation. sometimes the condensation will gather enough memories to split a guy for a bit, usually that guy will process what they need to and fuse with another pre-existing guy fairly quickly. other times pre-existing guys will visit The Condensation to take in certain memories. ANYWAYS. ALL THAT TO SAY. our system changes FUCKING CONSTANTLY every time we document smth extensively it usually becomes at least somewhat inaccurate within like, a couple months or so. due to this we tend to keep stuff very very simplistic whenever we document stuff, and anything we choose to document other than that is not rlly fit for public posting-- its a lot of word vomit and images with really intricate contexts that only make sense if youre In Our Freaking Brain, internal references and hyperconnectivity out the ass. etc etc ...i think i'll just . make the intro more diagram-based... and i wont focus on individual guys outside of if they choose to make their own post. but the pinned intro post wont have any specific guys. except maybe the selfsona (<- what we call our drawings of our bodily appearance, and usually what we default to drawing when we dunno who we are lol)