❅°⸰º•⸰⋄⪧ @sxlfurous ⪦⋄⸰•º⸰°❅ ♡ ・ selectively accepting
Multiple times, she is asked, ‘ Do you want to go through with this? ’ Worried questions come with good intent, but they make her grow weary. Each word uttered in that unique tone of voice ( where words lilt up to give the impression of innocuity, spoken soft and unassuming yet she can’t hear them as anything but ). Yes, this is something she wishes to do herself. No, no one is twisting her arm ( save for herself ). Yes, she will be alright. No, she will not crumble. This is her experience, tailored and negotiated to suit her fancy. She has little motivation to leave her room, otherwise. If anything, she is the one twisting Enji’s arm, doctor serving as her proxy. The situation favors her, in some aspects. Surprise tickles her; she hesitates to believe Enji agreed. He defies her expectations, inspires deep-down inhibitions, all by standing under the sign displaying ‘ KOHIKAN CAFE. ’ Even from a distance, her vision frames a hulking form, his jutting lip. From far away, he seems identical to the man sweeping her out the door more than ten years ago. As she nears, purse captured in tense hands ( temporary cellphone, courtesy of her doctor for emergencies. medication, dosages counted out ahead of time. a decent stack of cash fuyumi and natsuo foisted on her seconds before going out – so she has something to flaunt, they say, and leave no room for argument ), differences from his younger self become apparent. Lines that inevitably appear with age, hair a shade less saturated. Petty differences that few others can see. But, in spite of everything, she clings to these facts. They alleviate her smallest worries. Though fresh to her eyes, they are familiar. Make her wonder how much of this conversation will be predictable, avoidable. One way to find out.
Her gaze flits down several degrees. It makes it easier to keep her legs moving, she finds, until she’s staring at his shoes. Breathe, she wills herself. Chin angles up, as does her gray focus. Swallow. Fix her shoulders and hands as to not fidget. It is time. Whether or not she is ready, is of no consequence anymore. ❝ Are you ready to go in? ❞