#jnmrambles

[jamneuromain]

Telling Ghost to send you his workout video.

More specific, a workout video of him planking until his strength gives out.

_

It will make do, along with that fake dildo in your bedside drawer, during his deployment.

[jamneuromain]

Most ridiculous thing I have ever heard my folks said: (and honestly I can't get it out of my head for about three months

, it's stuck like a fucking mantra)

btw this happened when my mom is insisting on me meeting an arranged-marriage choice. who, by the way, is 32, eight years older than me.

“If you want to go abroad for your PhD in the future, we'll pay for his tuition even if we sell everything including this house.”

。

who the fuck is “he”??

I have never received this much support when I'm applying for my own phd program. And I'm being incredibly considerate when i thought of the financial status in my home and apply as much as possible - funded programs, without even considering the self funded chances. i have also noticed that when they asked me to apply for a phd they were thinking about getting one near our home and in our country but i always wanted to take the chance and explore more pre places that i never ever been before. When i show signs of wanting to apply for phd overseas they immediately start pushing more job vacancies to me and shutting up about phd applications. When i show signs of favoring job vacancies that are less stable but very much well paid, they vote for jobs with almost minimum payment and little career path, just because of "stability".

my parents are just caressly throwing around the idea that if i marry / intend to marry / even have a boyfriend for one day, they will pay for the expensive tuition if it is what it takes for him to go abroad with me. They are considering evrrything for an imaginary man before they are even considering things for their own daughter, panning to giving away everything to man, who does not exist even up to this moment.

This has me wondering and questioning every decision ive made per their requirements. About how they persuaded me that being a teacher in a small city is much better than one in a bigger city. About how i dumped the opportunity only to get rejected by an unfair university and then got stuck in this hell hole. It is new knowledge to me that every decision, every thought, every plan they had for me was for me to be an obedient wife married to a man (Love doesn't matter because it can be cultured after we get married) and give birth to the next generation.

I have grown to realize that my parents believe that my job, my career, and my future should be sacrificed for the imaginary man and the imaginary baby.

And honestly this got me thinking about my previous fanfiction wild child. Originally i planned for an happy ending but now I'm not so sure. After experiencing the arranged marriage choice incident, i don't want y/n to experience the exact same thing. I deserved better and so did she. She should run away and leave all this behind even if ari is crazily in love with her and asks her to stay. Any girl, any woman in the world are more than a vessel for the fetus to come. And they are certainly more than mother and wife that society deemed them to be.

She has a name and a purpose and free will. She shall never be inferior, or treated as such. She won't allow it. At least I'm trying to correct it.

[jamneuromain]

Moodboard

For @innorogers and her Steve Rogers series (now Chapter 4 is on!)

And the quote which inspired this moodboard:

There, staring back at him, was a man madly in love. But as much as he wanted to be only that—just a man in love—he wasn’t. There was still a world beyond your lab, and he had to face it.

[jamneuromain]

Rambles

Yeah, so a while ago I complained about the fact that a uni stood up on me and wasted my time and energy. And also that approximately two months ago I finally landed myself a job.

This is just a small update on my life so far:

So this college where I teach English - not exactly perfect, per se, but the interesting thing about being the top English speaker (not to brag, no one can speak English better than me in the campus, and I'm not counting the students) of the whole college, earns a lot of opportunity and chances. Although I still loathe the way people operate in favors and bureaucracy, I have been offered a chance to head overseas.

This chance demands that I need to speak German - which I could, reluctantly thanking the four years I spend in my university as an undergraduate; and that I should know something about traditional ... stuff - which I also could do, and not bad at it, I might add. For me to earn this chance, I need to prep a lot of paperworks and probably go through a couple of exams and interviews, but I want this opportunity so damn much. More than anything I've ever want except for the time when I applied for Cambridge lol.

Wondering for a full day now, that it appears that things I've learned in the past have a way of finding themselves back to me. Like German, I need to pick it up again. Or like the traditional cultural things that I've learned almost fifteen years ago.

Anyways, it's still early to make the conclusion whether I'd make the final list of this programme so far. But it's just that, I don't know whether to feel happy or confused about the fact that things I've learned in the past were ... useful? Afterall?

And that the faculty overseas didn't have the German-speaking programme for a couple of years, and that it just happens that this year, they have it? Fate has a mysterious way of working thing out.

[jamneuromain]

MY MISERABLE JOB-SEEKING TRAGEDY

SO

Never thought this would happen to me even if I have endured the last two months' effort of trying to find a job

-which, an offer is *was* on its way, or so I thought

On March 17th, I applied for a English teaching position that requires "Master Degree" in English. The HR personnel of the Uni (Like, an actual Uni, instead of some crappy, illegal educational workshop) reached out to me in two weeks, on Apr. 1st, saying that I'm qualified for this position and invited me to the online interview a week later.

This is an esteemed university in the local province, one that can rank top 3 based on its reputation.

On Apr 7th. I presented thirty minutes of my curriculum design and delivers a small demonstration of how I would teach the class, after that, the panel of six raised a copious amount of questions that dragged the interview towards an hour.

By then, I thought this was going very well.

(Apr. 9th) At the end of that week, I asked for the result of this interview. The HR said they have one more interviewee to do.

(Apr. 12th) Finally, HR shared the delightful news that I have passed their one and only interview, that they have started the process to issue an offer.

I WAS FUCKING THRILLED.

(Apr. 19th) And then another week, I asked whether they had news on the offer, and the HR said "I'll go ask". And not another word.

(Apr. 23rd) The uni had announced a few of its positions being filled. So I asked again. This time, HR said, they had filed the papers and handed them to the School, which means that the next step would be the uni HR office.

(May 10th) No word. No news at all. The anxiety was killing me. So I phoned the University HR office, and was given the reply that the papers still hadn't got to the University level, which meant they were still in the School level.

I phoned the number of the hiring officer on the hiring ad. A woman picked up the phone and told me: We are holding another OFFLINE interview. Are you available on the 17th?

I was puzzled and asked: But I thought the online interview was the only interview needed? And I passed it? Why is there another interview now?

The woman said nothing. Only that "Someone will contact you regarding this information"

I'm like: Okay. Can you send me the address of the offline interview via Wechat?

And then a few minutes later, she said "Maybe not 17th. Definitely a Friday. Could be 24th."

I was so puzzled.

And the HR that initially contacted me told me an hour later: "Can you come to our uni for the interview on 31st?"

-- by then, my attitude is "okay. just another interview. no biggie"

(May 11th) And today, at nine o'clock in the morning.

The HR said: "Don't come on 31st."

I asked "why?"

HR: "Because our dean wants a doctor instead of a master"

I asked: "But your hiring add says master and above?"

HR: "Yes ... but we want a doctor, you see. And uh... there's a new doctor candidate cv in our hands."

I asked: "but I AM QUALIFIED. AND passed the interview. And you handed in the papers to hire me? I'm literally given an oral offer by you?"

HR: "Well ... things change. Good luck!"

Now, I have contacted the HR personally earlier today, ensuring what I have suspected. They have this "other candidate" that is neither stronger in academic records, nor in the interview/mock teaching process, only better than me in the sense of a more powerful relative. That's why they wanted me to go to the Uni for OFFLINE interview in the first place, so that "the other candidate" could win "fair and square". - They could easily give the other candidate the score of 90% while giving me a 60% "Well, your performace is not as good as his", so that they could justify the hiring process of this other candidate. But then considering an offline interview would require a camera and recording, they thought "Oh F- oh no Jam could easily outperform this poor bastard". So, "THINGS CHANGE GOOD LUCK"

The point of this rant is not that I think schools, unis, or whatevs should only hire me. No. But all I'm saying is, they have promised me an offer (in oral form, I sadly add, so that no legal way of punishing them), and in the duration of a month, they have stalled, dragged, even thought of a malicious way of "allowing me to go to their university just that they could say no to my face", changing dates and time, wasting my time and money (a lot of it, I might add, I have turned down two offers for this uni, just because they PROMISED - i am an idiot, I know), torturing my mind and triggering my anxiety because they delayed, and delayed again, and they did it without remorse.

Look, after two months of trying to search for a job, actually, nearly NINE, if you count the previous months where I worked towards the exams to get a job. I have been rejected/ghosted/ignored over four hundred times, and I accept them. I truly do. I don't expect HRs to spend their time carefully going over each applicant. I also don't expect every CV I send out there would be replied with a job offer. I'm fine with the results I get, and I have my conscience intact. That's fine by me.

But what I don't tolerate, is the fact that they have purposefully wasted my time for a whole fucking month, giving me false hope, promising me an offer and then denied it from happening.

Goody-news for them, those who wanted to stuff another dude by their ridiculous "connections". I don't care that guy they want to replace me with is some dean's nephew or some director's son. I'm fucking stubborn. They have stepped over the wrong line and as long as I live and breathe, I promise them, I will have my eyes over this position, and dare they put one person in it, I will send a report letter to the authorities, and let's see if their recruiting speed could compare to my ctrl+v.

This is a game they have started, but they don't get to decide whether it's finished or not. I don't care whether they want to continue. They are fucking playing.

[jamneuromain]

DEADPOOL 3:

deadpool and wolverine: 11/10 the plot is a lil weak as disney always is but the cameos...

spoilers under cut:

Chris Evans as Johnny Storm. I thought that the whole Fantastic Four cameo was fake news but NOOOOOOO HE'S THERE. (Though very unfortunately no Reed or Sue or Ben.

Cavillrine! Henry Cavill with that hair and that cigar and that beard and the motorcycle gets me. Every time.

Elektra, Gambit, Blade, X-23. Especially Gambit. Channing Tatum has a gift of whipping the roles he play into a full comedy XD

Lady-pool was played by Blake Lively. I wasn't so sure when she appeared but the credits said so.

a few others like Red Devil, Pyro are also in the movie. The toad guy and psylock too, but I'm not sure if they changed the casting

Happy Hogan! In the first few minutes when dp applied for the avengers. The photo of Tony and Peter, the half-made shield, a couple of iron man helmets, and that moving thingy in Ironman 2 where Tony finds it obnoxious on Pepper's desk were there in Happy's office.

It was a great surprise in general that they were able to be there and it felt like a revisit of my 2000s movie collection which I watched as a kid. The easter egg at the ending credits was a very touching moment, it was a video put together with blooper scenes from the X men films and fantastic four.

I think this movie is one of the best marvel movies after Endgame. The script writers really paid attention to the earlier movies and a lot of Xmen jokes were put into the lines. And I'm def planning to watch it again sometime next week<3

[jamneuromain]

JAM RAMBLES

Happy June!

I have just got my tesol certificate and soooo ready to apply for jobs and whatnot! --I'm going to plan the TKT and CELTA for my second half year when I'm available.. especially CELTA.

And I have recently joined a Stop Procrastination Training program for the sake of my personal wellbeing. It's a lil expensive but I really need to do something to deal with my procrastination -- and on the other hand, it's slightly relaxing to know that there's some one (like, half of the program attenders and almost all of my tumblr moots) out there in the world procrastinating more than I do lol

On a more serious note, the job application I ranted about a couple of weeks earlier finally got a reply (of some sorts). I got a call earlier this week with a frantically apologizing hr -which, tbh, it wasn't his fault- but the uni has decided that this hr would be the fall guy, so...

It was not the best outcome we anticipated, but it's just ... this, for now.

And I've got an interview slot later this week for a rather large company. They don't pay well but they have this position overseas.

To be honest, I am still debating on whether I should apply for a PhD. I'm not good at doing research, but I'm not bad at writing papers or conducting classes, the latter one I really enjoy. But to attain a position as a college english lecturer, PhD seems like a must in most places. Also that the particular field I study, Intercultural Communication, is a rather new and less-supervised and ... uh Language and Liberal Arts field that doesn't come with a lot of professors and universities to choose from, not to mention that HEAVILY TUITIONED places like UK/US is a big hard no for me. So for now, I'm going to apply to those lecturer positions which demand less (like in Japan, that sometimes doesn't need a phd to apply for this position, AND ALSO IT LACKS YOUNG PPL WHO ARE OF AGE TO WORK, LIKE, A LOT? I think the chances are high) and we'll see how this goes. If it runs smoothly, than yay. If not, I probably have to endure another four (or five) years of academic life.

Stay hydrated and stay positive, I guess!

[jamneuromain]

I laughed so hard seeing this

And the click at the right hand side says "Revenge"🤣🤣🤣 (now how can I send an evil Boop to others because I'm so going to do this?