Confessions
Title: Confessions Fandom: Jeeves and Wooster Pairing: Reginald Jeeves/Bertie Wooster Rating: Gen Word Count: 2306 Summary: It’s a dashed strange thing, love, filling the body with warmth as it does, isn’t it? Bertie comes out as ace. Fluff. A/N: Part 19 of my Daily Fanfic Chocolates calendar :D This is the first fanfic I ever wrote for this fandom, tbh, and I’m really happy to finally be able to share it with you guys! Please enjoy ❤
(links to AO3 and the DFC masterpost are in the reblogs!)
It’s a dashed strange thing, love, filling the body with warmth as it does, isn’t it?
As I agree with Jeeves that this story isn’t, unlike much of my other writing, to hit any bookshelves in the future, I am, for once, rather not feeling compelled to provide a deeper introduction to the matters that form the ‘beforehand’ of this story. There are no readers to disappoint with a lack of an introduction to one of my aunts Dahlia or Agatha, or Gussie Fink-Nottle, or my cousin Angela, nor are any introductions further than my own and that of my long-time paragon of a valet, Reginald Jeeves, required.
Jeeves had been by my side for several years already, seeing to my getting dressed, cooking, cleaning and other needs – albeit with occasional stern opinions regarding my sartorial choices and the never-abandoned wish for the young master to face the day at an earlier hour than ten ack emma. The first I had been aware of for a long time despite not often addressing it directly, unless a much loved article of clothing suddenly vanished or became an irreparable victim of ‘accidents’. The latter, however, Jeeves never told me about till some time after the following occasion. He admitted he rather liked me being up early as to be able to spend more time with me.
Jeeves does know how to get what he wants – which is one of the many reasons I love him – and I started, slowly, changing my habits soon after. We started becoming happier by the day... but I am getting ahead of myself. Instead of talking about the very satisfactory state of our relationship as it is now, many years later, I want to narrate the occasion that resulted in Reggie’s and my happiness.
How exactly it all came to be, I can’t quite remember, but through one thingummy that lead to another, we had arrived at the understanding that we were mutually fond of each other. Quite fond, you might say, and going together like salt and pepper, like the ocean and the waves.
It was at this point that it occurred to me, before an exchange of lip-pressing or anything of that kind had even happened, that it might be wise to bring up the matter that had had me worried for months by then – ever since I’d realized that I had started falling for Jeeves, in fact. I fidgeted a bit, trying to calm the old nerves. We Woosters had been present at Agincourt after all, so who was Bertram Wooster to shy from talking about matters of the heart – and body – with his valet turned beloved?
“You need to understand, Jeeves.”
I halted, unsure how to proceed. I’d never before expressed this condition of myself to anyone else before. I must admit, the old Wooster corpus was bally shaking, resulting in a concerned gaze from my man.
“I... I feel for you no different than Gussie feels about Madeline Bassett – or the other way round, I reckon. However... some of my feelings are not of that nature? That is to say, I am not acquainted with them – at all?”
I paused again and scratched my chin, trying to find the words that would explain to him a concept that made sense to myself but that I had never explained aloud before.
Jeeves, ever respectful as he is, regarded me with a patient gaze, not seeming to mind self humming and hawing about.
“Jeeves,” I began. “You are a splendid specimen of a man, no doubt, and in more than one regard. But–” I halted and looked at him more closely to see if he was already showing any signs of wanting to leave. Instead, I just found him looking at me patiently as he listened to my explanation. “I love you, Jeeves – and in a way that goes beyond the fond love one feels for one’s oldest friends. But I do not feel that...” I grasped for the first word the old bean could think of. “That ‘urge’ everyone else seems to feel?”
I looked at him expectantly, feeling the heat that had risen to my cheeks.
However, I should have known better than to underestimate Jeeves. That man is, as anyone who knows him is aware of, a paragon of a man and brilliant beyond words. My, I dare say his intelligence would even take it up with the best of them if he were to stop eating fish this very instant and never eat it again. In short, he seemed to understand where the y. m. was coming from.
Jeeves cleared his throat gently. (Can one clear one’s throat gently? I wonder, but it seemed to me like that was what he did.)
“While I can’t deny that your physical attributes are extraordinarily pleasing to myself, sir, and I won’t deny I haven’t entertained certain thoughts regarding... yourself and my person,” he paused and I saw a little smile start to form in the corners of his mouth.
“It would be an easy part of a prospective… understanding with you to give up on.”
I studied his face.
“But wouldn’t that be awfully hard on you, old thing?”
He gave me an odd gaze, tinged with something like amusement.
“From... what I understand, all of my chums are rather enthused about exchanging such kind of favours with their wives. I reckon it’s much the same between two chums, not that the sex makes much of a difference about the interest in such.”
I fell quiet, pondering the matter.
Jeeves was the one to break the silence, interrupting my train of thought which had once again arrived at my romantic feelings where chaps were concerned and my lack thereof when it came to fillies. I wished I had a word for such feelings, but at least I had found a way to express myself to the one to whom it mattered.
“I’ve... been spending time with other gentlemen I’ve had an understanding with before. That is to say, before my employment with you. I lost interest in spending time suchlike after that, not deeming it right considering... what I started to feel for you, sir.”
The ‘sir’ seemed odd to both of us, and I had the feeling that it was his way of preventing to give away too much of himself. I felt I had to reassure him and let him know that it was perfectly alright. It was one of my biggest wishes that he would come to trust me as much as I did trust him eventually.
“You can call me Bertram or Bertie if so you like, Jeeves.”
I smiled up at him and, after a visible internal struggle that I saw mirrored in the minor shifts of his expression, he seemed to relax. His shoulders seemed to relax and there was a certain whatsit in his eyes. I had not yet found evidence enough to prove that Jeeves was, in fact, a rather soft chap beneath his mask, but I feel rather confident when describing his e.s. then to have had a kind of softness to them.
“Bertie... Bertram.”
He seemed to ponder the taste of my names on his tongue for a moment and a smile made its way to my face. Hearing him call me by my given name made my heart grow warm and the old bean glow. I realize that I’m starting to sound like the earlier mentioned M. Bassett, but in that moment, I could, in fact, understand her sentiments and way of expressing herself to a certain degree.
“In my previous experience, such defined understandings were of a rather pleasant kind,” Jeeves continued. He seemed to remember those times fondly, if his tone of voice was anything to go by. I wondered if maybe, somehow, I wouldn’t feel as uncomfortable with it as I currently felt about the mere thought, were I to give it a try. “However–”
Add to that that I didn’t want to lose Jeeves, less so now that I knew he reciprocated my feelings for him. I took a deep breath.
“I could... give it a try, I reckon,” I interrupted him, mulling the whole thing over.
If it were to give Jeeves satisfaction, then I would not deny it to him. I wasn’t entirely keen on the prospect, but I valued him too much and I wanted to see him happy. Maybe the uncomfortable feeling the mere thought gave me would simply disappear once we... Well. I can’t say I was truly confident that it would, shuddering slightly, but I had a while ago realized that I loved Jeeves rather dearly, the long-lasting kind of love that no soup could stir.
And everyone around me but self seemed to consider those understandings between spouses most natural, even required. Even between chaps... I found that my gaze had turned to the floor as I had been pondering and looked up to my man again.
Instead of being on the receiving end of enthusiastic agreement, however, I found him staring at me. The face that once, many years ago, had been an undecipherable mask for me, now clearly showed me the inner turmoil he was feeling. It was all in the slightly deeper frown than he usually allowed himself and the downward tug of the corner of his lips. And I was sure that it was worry I detected shimmering behind his clever eyes.
“Bertram, I cannot allow for you to do such a thing, knowing that it wouldn’t be in your honest interest. I simply cannot–”
“Jeeves, it wouldn’t be a burden for me if I could do this one thing for you that would–”
“Sir!” It came out rather sharply and shocked the both of us jolly good.
“Bertram,” Jeeves corrected himself, running a hand over his face, the agony seeping through from behind his stuffed frog mask now visible to me as if in plain daylight. He sat down on the bed right next to me and remained silent for a moment. Then, after a moment of hesitance, he took both my hands in his and began caressing them softly.
“Bertram, I know just fine that your utmost goal, the code by which you live, is pleasing the people whose presence you grace. However, let me make this clear for you, for I don’t want you to feel like you need to offer this – ever again. This sort of understanding is not something that I require to be happy – or to be satisfied, for that matter. Bertram– Bertie – all I need to be happy and satisfied is to be allowed to be with you, bask in your delightful presence and share whatever of your life you are willing to share with me and do so in return. I..." He held onto my hands now, thumbs stilled, and looked me in the eyes, more serious than I had ever seen him before. "I love you, Bertram, and knowing that you love me in return is everything I could ever have hoped for, everything I ever silently wished for.”
He raised one of my hands to his lips, gently pressing a kiss to my knuckles. I felt the tears that had started building up in my eyes over the course of Jeeves’s speech pinch at the corners of my e.s.. I was rather at a loss of words, truth be told, and thankfully, my wonderful man could tell. He pulled me into a hug that warmed the y. m.’s soul to the core and made his heart grow a tenfold in size all at once.
"Jeeves– So... I would be enough?" I could tell that he had just told me so in an utterly moving manner, but the old uncertainty was still nagging me, making me feel like I wasn’t the best there was on offer in the market of love, so to say.
Jeeves pulled back for a mo and looked at me with a rather rummy look in his eyes, then pulled me closer again, his arms holding me steadfastly, and pressed a kiss on top of my head. I felt my worries being reduced to a crumpled pile of now unimportantness and leaned closer into the warm hug and comfort Jeeves was offering.
“I say, old thing,” I said, noticing Jeeves’s hold on my corpus tightening just the smallest of bits before I continued. “I never thought I’d ever find the real, rummy kind of love. Yet, here you are – and I know I shall never want another!”
I turned my head to see Jeeves’s face being painted by an enormous blush and a smile that he finally allowed himself to show fully unguarded. It made me feel quite giddy, knowing that it was us having got so far that made him let go of his mask at last.
“I love you, too, Bertie.”
Despite it being the second time he had told me he loved me now, it still was quite unanticipated and new and had the blood rise to my cheeks rather quickly.
I was firm in my understanding of my feelings, and my feelings were rather soppy and certain of Jeeves. I leaned in and rested my forehead against his.
“And I love you, dear one.”
I pressed a gentle kiss to his lips (I was glad to find that this was perfectly fine by the both of us – I admit I had wondered what those kisses would be like before and found that I was unable to see myself kissing anyone else) and smiled when our eyes met. I felt like I could face the future, no matter what aunts, threats of engagements and sticky situations of old school chums it might entail. For now, I had Jeeves, and Jeeves had me.