okay job update. So lets start off with saying I kind of like my job and its an amazing opportunity but there’s some downs.
It’s an office job which is no problem I’ve worked in an office before but it was a school office where you are literally always busy. Not so much in the new office first of technically its a government job in a government office.And it is the most boring job I’ve ever had in my life. I know its a big change but i’m use to working retail and always go go go. I’m a cashier for one of the offices that collects money for some reason or another but good gravy a busy day to them is having 10 to 15 people come in for payment I’m use to 100+ people a day so this is something I just can’t get use to.
Other than that I’m just not comfortable. I think that is because of the office manager not my main boss but the manager of the office as a whole.Lets call her ellie...
Ellie is like that fake nice person who says one thing but then talks about you behind your back. So the last week and a half I’ve been really sick dizziness lightheaded and a severe headache off and on. So this past wednesday I had to call off work there is no way I would have been able to make it in even my parents told me I need to stay home because there’s no way I could drive in my condition. So I called the office doesn’t open until 8am so I had to wait until I knew people we be getting there to call at like 7:50 mind you I’ve been here 6 weeks but I don’t have anyones cell numbers to call in early. So I call and talk to Ellie she sighs kind of can feel that she is upset about me over the phone. But okay theres nothing I can really do about it.
This is where it gets good So the next day I’m not feeling the best but I make it in to work I’m sitting at my little desk counting the draw for the office when ellie walks in now I had some of the people in the office being kind of strange towards me when I walked in but I didnt pay it any mind. so any who when ellie gets in I hear some say good morning and oh your here to her and her reply was “ yes i’m here wish i could be one of those people who just call off or you know wait until the last minute and decide that I don’t want to come into work” I’m not that close to the door she enters at but I definitely heard her so i’m counting money like did she really just take a dig at me for yesterday like really. So I let it roll off my shoulder fuck it. Then a couple of hours later she’s like i need you to meet my in the conference room so I’m like great here it comes. I get back there and she’s like this is about yesterday so i’m like okay and you know what she tells me “you know they had to contact hr because i have a 12 month probation and like 8 months in that probation before my sick days and all of that start” which i already know.She then is like” well I need you to know you need to call like an hour earlier if your not coming in to work” then she says “but it was brought to my attention that you don’t have any of the office managers or the boss’s cell number i’ll have to get that for you”... but the whole time she’s saying all of this with like an underhanded attitude. She then brings up my sick days again and says “you know normally it will count against me since i’m in probation period but that they are going to let it slide....this time” with a dramatic pause, little huff under her breathe and a little side smile.
I couldn’t wait to get out of there my whole thought was this bitch i’m sick i already don’t feel comfortable here and i feel like i have to puke then i gotta deal with this bitch fuck this shit. like i know why i got hired i know why i replaced the last chick. Its because they needed a poc in that office the lady who had this job before I came in was black all of the other black people who work in that building are like they needed some color up in there since the other lady left and they all keep asking me if they(the peeps in my office) if they are treating me all right. Now the lady who use to be there lets call her lee doesn’t want anything to do with this office like they ask her to come by the office for stuff because the new place she’s at works hand and hand with the office i’m in and she won’t ever come down she’ll walk right past the windows of the office and they will call her name to get her to stop and talk and she just side eyes them and keeps it moving. over the phone she says jokingly she doesn’t want to meet the new people cause she doesn’t want to see her replacement but I know that its because she doesn’t want anything to do with that office at all. My family member use to work there in the building and was friends with lee and said lee couldn’t wait to get out of that office like the last 1 to 2 years because she could not stand being around those people. Now that really doesn’t help my comfort level at all. because almost 2 years ago is when the new boss came in and also the new office manager ellie...so just great!
it really doesnt help that when people find out that i’m in that particular office they always ask how I’m doing and how they are treating me like it doesnt put me at ease at all.
I already wasn’t feeling this job but the pay is awesome compared to my other job and benefits well when they actually kick in. but I miss my old job I miss not having some one looking over your shoulder at your desk every time they walk by just to see what i’m doing, I miss having amazing coworkers who got on my nerves but who wouldn’t throw you under the bus, I miss being comfortable and being able to be my self seriously the only other place where i didn’t feel comfortable at was ulta and I was only there like 6-8 months and that was because of the assistant manager didnt like that i got hired and not who she wanted to. Like even the last place I got hired in at I felt okay there its just that it wasn’t for me but I never felt like I was walking a thin line.
But fuck I need this job I need the money at least to keep up with bills get my own car and mainly to go back to school.
I really wish that lady from the vet office would have emailed me back about setting up an interview I was so close to doing what i want working with animals it would have only been as a receptionist but it would have been a start closer to me getting my chance to study animals and a chance closer to my biology/zoology degree. I just really don’t want to be stuck at this place dealing with this type of environment its not good for me my anxiety which has been sky high. my nerves have been out of control so has my depression its been on the attack for real.
well thats the update you are a real trooper if you read that all if you have any advice get at me cause I have a feeling I’m going to need every little bit I can get.
So I’m still up and my first day of work starts in the a.m.
Ha! I’m full of nervous energy so I can’t sleep...dun dun duunnn
but I usually work better this way because if I try to sleep I will be tossing and turning all night long and have the worst sleep or I can work off this energy and get a few really good deep sleep filled hours.
plus tomorrow is just orientation so I go in a little bit later than normal.
So this little trinkets and treasures store a couple blocks from my house is looking for people to volunteer to take care of like 12 new kittens their cats had and I might go down there tomorrow and see if they'll accept me and I'm super excited!
