Hey everyone! I just came up with something.
Sherlock was into Irene as an interesting adversary.
Not romantically attracted.
She was the one who saw through his mask.
The mask of invulnerability.
Except because at the end of ASiB Sherlock finds her to be not as in control of her emotions as he is, he backs off and represses his feelings for John Watson.
Because as he said and believes: Sentiment is a chemical defect found in the losing side.
So if Irene had truly beaten him that episode- Sherlock would’ve told John.
Because he would’ve thought feelings make them stronger.
But it didn’t happen that way.
So he just pushed down all his emotions.
That was the one loss he needed.
He needed to lose so badly at that time.
Which makes sense of all the gibberish he sprouted when Irene provoked him.
Because he was trying to lose.
AND EVEN AFTER THAT HE CONTINUED TO SEE EVERYONE AROUND HIM LOSE IN LIFE BECAUSE OF FEELINGS.
HE WANTED SO BADLY TO BE WRONG.
Because- he had started having feelings for John H. Watson.
He wanted to prove to everyone and MOST TO HIMSELF
THAT HE COULD LOVE- without falling, without failing.
Because that was the one mistake.
You always “fall” in love. He didn’t foresee that.
Because he didn’t ultimately understand all of that.
He didn’t factor in his non-understanding of human emotions. He needed John to understand them- and yet he was the one person Sherlock could not go to for this.
And Sherlock truly believed that he was right at everything (which he mostly was).
And as Irene had said, Sherlock believed in a higher power which in his case was himself.
So he believed that love would strengthen his walls…
But John had broken through those long ago.
And in the case of Love and John Watson, Sherlock was wrong. He never knew himself to be anything but right.
Lo and behold: the entire show is Sherlock’s existential crisis because he is in love with John Watson.
