Emergency procedures initiated.
Stand by.
You know the ... fucking score, right mate? Look at me. You know what I'm here for, don't you? What we're here for. I mean you know...? That's why you called me, eh?
Well then.
But I'm here to talk to you about it anyway y'know, because...maaate...
What the b'uck is up with you?
You are not going to get past this. You don't know a way through those double saws. You just don't. You've been trying. God knows you've been trying.
I mean, look at you. Ha! Have you seen the state of you? Look at yourself. You're like a junky needing a fix. Just one more go. Just one more go. You are sweating. Your palms are sweaty. Your eyes are acting all funny, all bloodshot. People will think you've been on class A's the whole weekend man!
Put it down.
Look at you. Your thumbs ache. You've got that nasty twitch under your right shoulder again, haven't you? Your knees ache to the bone man. Why are you sitting like that? When was the last time you had a nicotine hit? Why are you even putting yourself through this? Put it down. Why did you even bring me here if you aren't going to listen?
H E L L O ? !
Hello. When was the last time you ate? When was the last time you cared? When was the last. ... b'ucking time you even looked at anything else in this room? Apart from the TV or your hands? When was the last time you did anything else with your hands? Are you paying attention? You asked for this...Jesus...
Look, just do one thing for me, huh? Can you do that? For me? Old friend? Compadre? Amigo? Hello? Just do this one little m-i-n-u-t-e thing. Huh? Huh pal? Huh buddy? Just this one little God-damn thing. Huh? Good. Good lad.
Just...look at the clock. The clock. Y'know...the clock. Just look at it. Once for me, huh? Just one little glance.
That's all I ask Johnny. Jooohnny. JoooooooooooooohnnNNYY!! Hello? That's all I ask. Look at it. Look...look...yes...look...
Yes. You see now. Thank you. Thank the Lord.
Yes that's right, imbecile. There is no Bandage Girl to rescue I'm afraid...yep, yep, look at the daylight. It's happening outside. You remember outside, yeah? Yeah, of course you do. What am I thinking? I don't have dumb friends. Why did I think you were dumb?
Now take it in. There IS NO Super Meatboy. It's an excellent value game. On Xbox Live. But...and you are not him.
Oh jeez. I'm so glad you remember. We thought we'd lost you for a while. How long has been since we lost regular contact, fellas? Six, seven hours? Jeeez, we thought we'd lost you. That level really got to you, huh? Trying to capture that bandage and live? Ha ha. Jeez, we thought we'd lost you.
That's right fella. It six forty five am and you forgot to wake your girlfriend for work. That's right. You better get on it.
Now don't you worry about a thing, she's just a little grumpy because she just woke up and can't appreciate your circumstance. Look at it this way - girls want guys to have an almost telepathic understanding of them, but at this point in time she simply cannot comprehend how important grabbing that bandage was for you, to collect at that time. If this was the other way around, you'd be getting told that you were uncaring, lack understanding, that you lack empathy. Woman. Pfff. She doesn't even understand THIS. It felt like a military mission. It felt like an order. It felt like a divine commandment. We understand, don't we boys? This is no blue hedgehog, fellas. It messes with your mind. You love her. But jeeeez...this was important.
She'll be fine. Her woman brain will work it out when you show her the level which defeated you. When she gets home from work. She will appreciate that. She will understand. Yes. She will witness you dying. She will witness you failing...Look, you are a man. I know you don't want to show the love of your life any of your failures but you will not succeed at this time. You will fail. For seven hours this game has simply consumed you.
You are working tomorrow, yes. You can maybe nab a quick game or two before then and beat those saws, yes. So maybe failure isn't an option. You still have time to champion that level. Then you can show her how glorious you are. How victorious you are naturally. Try again before work. That's a great idea! After rest. When you are 100% again. You WILL triumph. Despite the sheer perfection of its controls, your thumbs are weak now. Your reactions are slow, your brain is mush and they both have to be sharp as a tack, soldier. It has drained you. You must rest now. That's an order soldier! Operation 26 is green tomorrow. Operation shut eye starts now. Rest. Rest. Rest.
You love this game. She loves you. She'll understand you love this game. Just not now. She's angry because you forgot to wake her and now she can't wash her hair before work. Show her later. She'll appreciate it more and you can still be a winner in her eyes. It's for the best.
Don't think about that now though. It's futile. It's late. Stop thinking. Just rest your head on that there pillow and think about sleeping. That's right. Get the impression you are tired. You are feeling sleepy. Your eyes are heavy. Listen to your breathing. Relax.
I'll be heading off now but I'm going to pass you to a friend of ours you are quite well acquainted with.
Hi Johnny. Remember me?
Hey hey...sshh sshh ssshhhh! Don't worry.
I was just wanting to discuss with you all your remaining friends. Where are they? When did you start feeling so lonely...?