John Not Being Able To Handle Mary Gone
Characters: Reader, John
Word Count: 1,151
Warnings: fluffy sad John feels, missing Mary, missing your mom
Author’s Note: In this, the reader is 8 years old. Thank you for @jarpadandjensenaremyheroesfor this idea! Go follow her because she’s amazing! If you ever have any ideas that you would want to see before the first episode, don’t be shy. I love writing about the series and making the reader’s character stronger.
Feedback is always appreciated
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One of the worst things in life is when you know that there is nothing you could do to stop something really bad from happening. No matter how hard you try to will it away, it will always be there, hanging over your head, never letting you forget about what could have been.
It sucks the life out of you and it take away all your inhibitions to live, to try and start over. But it never works, always crawling back to you no matter how hard you try and push it away.
That is how you felt when your mom died. You watched as a man slit her throat and she tumbled down the stairs, only to land right in front of you with a lifeless look in her eyes. You watched as the man who killed her disappeared with black eyes right in front of your face.
You didn’t think anyone would believe you. You thought people would call you crazy or a murderer and have you locked up forever but then John found you and he saved you from that part. But he couldn’t save the monster from forming inside your head: Guilt.
At first, your body and brain tried to shut out what you just saw to save yourself from the immense pain that would follow. But then John took you back to the motel room and explained to you that the monsters you only heard about in stories were true.
Demons, witches, ghosts and vampires were all true, plus many more. John hunted them and made sure that those kinds of monsters wouldn’t hurt anything ever again. You had so many questions and John answered only so little because he knew you were vulnerable and in pain.
The next day, you cried your eyes out because it wasn’t a dream. Your mother did, in fact, die right in front of your eyes. You didn’t have a dad. You didn’t have anyone else you could turn to. Yes, you met John and his family when you were five but you didn’t know him all that well to open up to him.
So, you cried in silence and often times, Dean would find you. You shut yourself from everyone, hoping that the pain would go away but it didn’t. It only got worse the more you tried to hide it. So, for a few weeks after it happened, you tried to handle it on your own, trying to figure out why this would happen to you.
But enough was enough. You needed answers and you needed answers now.
You got up from wherever you were crying and found John, sitting at a table in some crappy motel room that he would only be staying in for the next few days before it was time to move on to another crappy motel.
“John, we need to talk.” You said angrily, sitting down in front of him.
“Not now, Y/N, I have things to figure out.” John said with a sigh, not ready to deal with this yet.
“No, cut the crap, John. I have waited weeks and no one has told me anything. My mother just died and you’re doing nothing to help me out.” You said, immediately getting tears. Your tears spilled over and you couldn’t stop the dam even if you wanted to.
“Why is my mom dead? You say you know what killed her but you won’t tell me! John, please, all I am asking for is some answers. Where is my dad? Do you know him? Does he know about my mom’s death? Is he even alive? Why was it my mom? She said something about the man to stay away from me. Was she protecting me? If so, from what? Did she die to save me?” You had more and more questions and John wasn’t answering any of them.
“John! Answer me!!” You yelled, the tears were nonstop.
“I don’t know what to do!” John finally said, getting tears of his own.
“You don’t know what to do? You’re the grown up, John!” You said, wiping your eyes.
“Mary was always good with this stuff and I don’t know how she did it! I’m going to be a terrible father. I can barely raise 2 kids, much less 3. I don’t know how to handle all of this. I don’t know what to do anymore.” John mumbled, talking to himself. You didn’t even know if he knew you were here.
“You’re not going to be a terrible father. You’re doing a better job than mine is.” You said, trying to lighten the mood. John gave a humorless laugh and he looked at you, motioning you over. You walked over to stand in front of him, looking into his eyes, trying to search for answers.
“Look, I know you have all these questions and I really want to answer them but I can’t. I don’t know who your father is. I don’t know why your mom died. I just don’t have the answers you are looking for. But I can tell you this. The man you saw before he disappeared, he was a demon. Now, there are a few monsters that have black eyes and a demon may be one of them. I am pretty sure that he is one but not 100%.” John said with a sigh, looking down at you.
“That’s all I wanted to know. One question at a time, right? Thank you for telling me.” You whispered, getting tears again. Just because you knew, didn’t make it any less painful.
“I’m sorry for doing a terrible job.” John said, defeated.
“Like I said, you’re doing a way better job than mine and that says something. At least you’re here.” You reached up and hugged him tightly, feeling his face on your shoulder.
“I miss Mary.” His whispered and if he wasn’t so close to you, you would have missed it.
“I miss my mom.” You whispered back.
“Hey,” John said, pulling away and looking into your eyes. “Your mom was a great mom. She was funny, smart, intelligent and you got all of that from her and more. I’m sorry this had to happen to you because believe me when I say, I would take it all away if I could.”
John used his thumbs to wipe away the tears on your cheeks.
“I never knew Mary but from the stories I heard, she would be very proud of you. I bet she was an awesome mom.” You said, a small smile on your face.
“She was an amazing mom.”
“Then you’ll be alright. Having 3 kids must be hard but at least you’re not alone. You have me and Dean and I’m sure you have friends.” You said, earning a real smile from John.
“Yeah, everything is going to be okay.” He said, saying it more to himself than you.
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