#joke stuff

[randomfriendlyloser]

I've been feeling too good for a bit. It's making me stupid. I wanna go back to being a nihilistic bastard

[disabledwarrior]

The discourse rages !!11 Convo w/ @captain-c0ld

[aphoticabyss]

Fellas, is it gay to make out with your mad scientist? 😳

Stanford to Alastor, who’s about ready to beat him with his cane.

[aphoticabyss]

smh, obviously they just forgot to sit 5 feet apart in the hot tub one day, that's all the relationship backstory there is 😔/j

Oh absolutely, they sat too close together and it was like “Bro, we are bi...” /j

[dungeonmasterpoisonbite]

Oath of the Blue Spined One: A Paladin Archetype for Fifth Edition D&D

Speed. Power. Innocence. You are a protector of all things, and you carry out your sacred charge by holding to the ideals of an ancient god of spikes and blue.

Tenets of the Blue Spined One

Haste but not Foolishness. You must make be quick and decisive when choosing your path, but not a fool. You must always be aware, and always ready to act.

Eradicate the Evil. You must not allow Evil to gain power. You must stop it before it hurts again at all costs.

Fight for Freedom. Law does not guarantee justice, nor does it always protect everyone. Wherever people are not free to live their lives in peace, you must do everything in your power to guarantee that right. Tear down oppressive structures wherever they may be.

Oath Spells

Paladin Level                            Spells

3rd                                            Expeditious Retreat, Longstrider

5th                                             Blur, Misty Step

9th                                             Haste, Water Walk

13th                                             Freedom of Movement, Dimension Door

17th                                             Far Step, Steel Wind Strike

Channel Divinity

Furious Strikes. As an action, you can expend your use of channel divinity to give yourself an effect similar to the Haste Spell. You may choose one of the following abilities that takes effect immediately:

--- You gain a +2 to your armor class

--- You may take the dash or disengage action as a bonus action

--- You may make a weapon attack as a bonus action

The effect lasts for one minute.

Rapid Observation. As an action, you can expend your use of channel divinity to give yourself a burst of insight into your foes abilities and weaknesses. Each creature you can see and hear within 30 ft of you must make a Wisdom Saving throw against your spell save DC. If they fail, you automatically learn all of the creatures damage resistances, damage and condition immunities, and damage vulnerabilities.

Aura of Speed

Beginning at 7th level, all allies within 10 ft of you gain a +5 bonus to their speed, and opportunity attacks have disadvantage against them. At 18th level, the range of this effect improves to 30 ft..

Gotta go Fast

At 15th level your speed improves by 5 ft, and if you move at least 10 ft towards an opponent, your next attack against them does additional damage equal to half your Paladin level. This damage is multiplied on a critical hit and is of the same type as the weapon's base damage.

Paragon of Speed

At 20th level, you can transform into a blue spined one as an action. You gain the following benefits:

--- You may make an extra attack as part of the Attack Action

--- You add your dexterity to all damage rolls involving weapon attacks

--- You can take the dash and disengage actions as bonus actions, and gain an additional bonus action on your turn that can only be used to take one of those two actions.

--- Your place in the turn order is moved up as if you had rolled a natural 20 on the initiative roll. This ability takes effect at the end of the turn you transformed.

--- You can move up walls, along ceilings, and over bodies of water as if they were horizontal, solid surfaces, though you cannot end your turn on any of these surfaces.

This feature lasts for one minute, and you cannot use it again until you finish a long rest.

Author’s Note: I did my best to keep it balanced, but I also made this as a joke, inspired by BDG over on Polygon.

[eiliakins]

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXiXPP3nscw)

So this came up while chatting with people on Facebook... Thought I’d share. XD

[runawaymarbles]

I ended up cutting the sports and spiritual lines for the sake of space, but. My map of the internet.  

[pazazz-trolls]

why the fuck my mind suddenly keep giving me the idea to design a bull troll character?

COWBOY THEME ESPECIALLY

THAT KINDA GUY WITH BRAWN AND NO BRAIN

BEEFCAKE

WHAT HAPPENED TO ME

I MUST'VE EATEN TOO MUCH EGGS

BUT SHOULDN'T MY MIND BE SAYING SOMETHING CHICKEN TO ME?

(now I wonder if I should draw the bull out)