RUOXI

Please block don't report!!! @totallyfriendlyloser is my 2nd blog

[randomfriendlyloser]

BEFORE YOU FOLLOW - (tw for entire blog)

im severely mentally ill, a communal narcissist, struggle with low empathy, have obsessive tendencies, sex repulsed so if any of that makes you uncomfortable then dont follow! dont hesitate to talk to me though I'd love to be friends ^^

please block dont report. most of it is just venting

call me either ruoxi/misa :) im asexual, use any pronouns, taken forever by my lovely partner

this is a personal blog to journal or just spam. im not as whiny as i seem in my posts lol

IMPORTANT -

untreated bpd & npd traits diagnosed severe ocd and anxiety.

i'm always platonically affectionate towards everyone, tell me if it makes you uncomfy and don't take it romantically

im a genuinely toxic person sometimes but dont correlate that to my mental illnesses. im 100% pro recovery, just not in a position to get treatment rn but still trying my best to be normal. my posts don't reflect what I actually do or how I think most of the time so feel free to give me advice or criticism

EXTRAS -

i don't check my notifs while outside, genuinely sorry if I accidentally ignored someone i will 100000% get back to you, just slowly!

[randomfriendlyloser]

Omg eurghh this stuff is so uncomfortable that it just makes me feel sick most of the time. Just wanted to relax after getting home but guess I can't even do that now

[randomfriendlyloser]

Ruoruoruo hiya!!!!!!!

Sorry for the random dissapearance, failed attempt and decided to take a couple of hours off Tumblr 🥹🥹🥹🥹 I hope you didn't worry at all.

Aughhh there was also a big storm in the area where I live!!! I love storms, but this one flooded some places and did something to a path I always use to go to school and come back from it. I'll DM the screenshot later bc it's weird how rain did something like this... I'll DM it to avoid any weird situations since I'm still a bit paranoid from the roblox thing aubhhhh 🥹

Ah also I have the rest of the week free! I'm not going on Thursday and Friday, weekend too obvi. I'm coming back on Monday!!

I dunno what else to add so I'll play roblox a bit and go sleep since it's late already, as you may know.

Good night and take care lovely!!!

Hey Ryuu :( I'm really really glad that you're still here and I'm sorry for everything that's happened /gen, I actually was worrying but didn't want to bombard you with texts or something as not to overwhelm you. Love you lots, so please feel free to talk to me or text me if you ever wanna vent or anything, I'd be grateful to listen.

STORMS ARE FUN SOMETIMES YEAH. Especially if it's got rain + thunder in it 🥹 like the last time there was one, it made a huge leak in our basement.. And that's understandable, I'll see the screenshot later!

Woohooo, I hope you get to do some nice stuff to feel better :) I've got tests at my tutoring over the next week LMAO I'm going to be studying right now as I took a nap today, I'll be awake all night

Good night, take care of yourself too and have fun with Roblox!! I'll always be supporting you lovely JSHDSJHS

[randomfriendlyloser]

Wish I had those violent break downs where you're just crying screaming throwing up trying to hurt everyone around you and going insane or stuff. All I get are boring dissociating bedridden lifeless isolating depressive episodes that last for ages and leave me completely empty. I have never experienced strong emotions like that

[randomfriendlyloser]

NOT enough stimulation for one day and I'm already spiraling omg (even though things are mostly fine ? that's what happens when I don't fill my head with other stuff, I get reminded of my own issues)

[randomfriendlyloser]

how did you find out you had npd?

mainly my ex friend helped me recognize and become comfortable acknowledging traits that I'd spent most of my life denying as I treated my perceptions as objective reality rather than opinions. I used to be in denial lots. It was so extreme I nearly convinced myself I had some inferiority complex instead. My (abusive) dad is also a narcissist, so that made me even more resistant to the notion that I could share anything significant with him psychologically. I began seriously questioning myself or doubting my insights later though and noticed a whole bunch of traits and patterns, such as believing since childhood that I was fundamentally different from other people in a superior way, hierarchical thinking that genuinely broke my sanity when challenged, disproportionate rage when my ego was threatened, unknowingly displaying manipulative or aggressively controlling behavior to my partners, and being awfully good at rationalizing what I did. It was there, but it was outside my awareness. I believed my mask was my real self

Other people would often describe me as arrogant possessive or controlling or call me a narcissist in a joking way. and I got reprimanded or made fun of for my egoistic behavior all the time. I grew up basically getting blamed for everyone elses mess, treated as a disgusting evil person, and having to be responsible or guilty for every single thing... whether those accusations were true is beside the point. those experiences kinda just distorted my view of self perception rather than producing self awareness. I just got more defensive instead. I'm a communal narcissist so I believed everything underneath my public image was just a survival mechanism, something unacceptable and shameful that could never be revealed as that was just how I functioned. I never thought itd be tied to narcissism. I just thought I was a fully different creature, the only person capable of rationally thinking or whatever. it was just really freeing to finally notice my actual self and the malicious thoughts that Id never bothered notice before while being involved with my ex friend because they were like the first person who matched my thinking. I was too ashamed to be honest about myself beforehand. the person actually made my traits worse (oh, they also got subjected to my nonsense unfortunately, as they randomly turned me into their favorite person lol)

anyways, I remember my old therapist was trying to persuade my parents to have me seek treatment for my borderline traits and features associated with other cluster B types, but I don't have access to getting professional help right now. I did read the symptoms for both NPD and BPD and matched most of them :0 Anything more, I'm trying to figure out

[randomfriendlyloser]

HI RUORUOOOO !!! HOW ARE YOU DOING ? I MISSED UU !!

i’m doing pretty good rn! i’ve been drawing and writing a lot 💗 actually one of my works got more than 200 likes here so yayay.

I got a 93 on one of my finals !!! we’re still waiting for the scores to the rest of them though, they come until july for some freaking reason 😭💔 fml

actually abt the 93……i told a few ppl i like about it and all i got was a ‘that’s nice’…..what ☹️ where’s my “you’re so smart” where’s my “you’re amazing and the best!” where’s my “you’re so much better than everyone in the class”. NOWHEREEEE. and these people are close to me !!!!!!!! i know i just wanted them to tell me that stuff so i could deflect those same compliments and i could like…receive more ig? idk. “that’s nice” mind you i was the highest in my class!!!!!! maybe not in theirs but it’s still important !!! i was thinking of giving them the cold shoulder because i felt like (at least for a bit ok i genuinely felt angry at them not saying good things to me) but ig i decided not to at the end…

i hope when the next results come they give me their undivided attention because i NEED them to know im better than them even if i dont show it to them 🙁🙁

BUT ANYWAYS I HOPE U HAVE A GREAT MORNING/AFTERNOON/EVENING/NIGHT/DAY !!!! xoxo

Ruri, I missed you lots too!!! Glad to see ya being active again. I'm SUPER sleepy right now but will go to bed soon after checking some stuff

I did see the fanfic of yours that got 200 notes hey congrats <3 Very very deserved! ALSO GREAT JOB ON THE 93 DUDE!!! YOU DID REALLY AWESOME I KNEW IT AAAGHH Honestly people are too busy comforting those that got shitty grades instead (even though it was their own fault) so they think someone that got high marks must be already arrogant about it or whatever even though THERE'S LOTSSS OF HARD WORK BEHIND IT. And it's like they don't even compliment you any longer bc they're too used to you being on top for every exam ༎ຶ⁠‿⁠༎ຶ I hope you get lots of praises and appreciations the next time omg, even if they don't compliment you, (they SHOULD tho like they're your close friends?!?!) you've still got yourself moot you are superior

Thank you thank you! I hope you have a wonderful rest of the day too, AND ILYY I MISS YOUUU TAKE CARE BYE BYE I'm gonna go to bed immediately sister my eyes are so crusty rn

[randomfriendlyloser]

I don't mind other narcs at all but it does piss me off loads to see other people say the same pretentious cringy ass stuff that I do like no, I'm the only one allowed to say that nonsense. Those are my words, not yours. It just gives me extreme second hand embarrassment when others act that way

[randomfriendlyloser]

People rushing me or forcing me to do stuff just makes me not wanna do it even harder. I don't want to obey them AT the moment, I'll probably end up doing what they said later LMAO I just dont like being ordered

[qkurarin]

100 followers tag game!! ༉ ‧ ₊˚.

Make a wish for prev and yourself!!

I wish everyone finds true happiness and genuine love!! I wish to wear gothic lolita my whole life!! Teehee!!

Tags: @princeoscartheidiot @princepillowpuppy @1-heya-kiki-1 @kameno-chan @ryuuhusbando @indignant-isaac @cerebrospinalflu1d @d0ki-d0ki-k0k0 @piko-chan @stillingwounds @f0rever-devoted @jirais-original-sin @k4mi-noai @lori-intestine @whitecotton22 @wonderkat-jirai @x-kangelkawaiii-x @yumemirui @kameno-chan @thrashtheploy @takingmytimeonmyride @k1r4pico-d0t-ex3 @purpleduck012 @tormentingcupid @ch0co-c0rn3t-lov3 @jirai-till @muttcide @hpdamechan @f0rever-devoted @potatojirai @fyosaint @pienkillers @jest-star @rotting-in-red @red-rose-ludenberg @retrynowforme @sillyl1ttl3d0g @sleepy-1128-sodazzz @izumis-garden @ryuwantsrevenge @cringefail-loserfail2 @damsel-understresss @darlinglaiin @asmoticonn @pomni-pompom-idol + OPEN TAGS !!

(I tried tagging most of my moots!!)

[princeoscartheidiot]

Haiii!! Congrats on 100!!

I wish for enana to have all the gothic lolita dresses they want!!

I wish to have my hair dyed blue or purple!!

Tagging: @gachideme @spookyscqr @kameno-chan @goopy-gjoob @gnabnahcgi @kurtlyturtle @meeoowchi @qkurarin @suchadumbmutt @randomfriendlyloser @cutecafekitty4 @flourish-in-destiny + open tags!

[randomfriendlyloser]

I wish prev person gets to go on an amazing holiday travelling thingy to anywhere they desire and also that their hair gets dyed blue or purple......

I wish I have LOTS of entertainment in my life and true friends (´・ω・｀)

@landmine-dancer @afterdarkafternight @mxjuskewl @wizardingdaughterofathena @about-that-teenie-girl2 @reverievelvet + open tags

[randomfriendlyloser]

meow meow

princess of sweetness ruo!!! how are you? I miss talking with youuuuu.

berry is maybe getting her stitches out today I'm so excited cause that means that I can maybe move about more freely. and my 1-1 did my hair in pretty braids

also my little brother got a hat for our old lady to wear and it looks so silly

Dude, the nickname made me genuinely flattered. Thank you, loveliest berry! I missed talking to you as well, and I do wanna leave you random stuff sometimes (without expecting a response as just you reading it is enough) 🥹

I was kinda spiraling a bit earlier but it's normal now, so I'm gonna go get something nice to eat;;;

Woohoo the stitches are finally gone!! And I'm glad that you've got your hair in some pretty braids. I hope the rest of your day goes nicely as well, you deserve it ♡

AY THE OLD LADY'S CERTAINLY LOOKING QUITE WACKY It's cute LMAO

[randomfriendlyloser]

Why the fjck do people intnetionally say stuff that absolutely makes my paranoia go through the roof WHY dont you understand how bad my ocd is, like wtf kind of stuff is even going through your head what normal person says that

[randomfriendlyloser]

i relate so hard to the communal narcissism. it sucks because I know it's just as bad, but I still feel superior for the way I seek supply 💔 wishing you the best

Oh, it's rare seeing another communal narcissist. There's other subtypes and all but it's my first time seeing someone relate to being a communal one like me :')

It's pretty different than the traditional way people seek supply but in my opinion, it's particularly exhausting too

Wishing you the best as well!

[princeoscartheidiot]

New tag game! Since it's pride month, tell about how you found out you're queer (if you are)!!

I'll start: three years ago when I started high school a girl (also freshman) asked me for directions to go to school, and I showed her. I was so enchanted by her smile... and she would always smile at me..... even now... my heart flutters when I see her...

For the record I still haven't talked to her but we always acknowledge each other so...

@gachideme @spookyscqr @kameno-chan @goopy-gjoob @gnabnahcgi @kurtlyturtle @meeoowchi @qkurarin @suchadumbmutt @randomfriendlyloser @deusben @ale-exploded @cutecafekitty4 @flourish-in-destiny + anyone is welcome to join!!

[randomfriendlyloser]

Thank you for the tag!

I genuinely don't remember dang it... Have always been apathetic towards my gender and sexuality. Never had a crush on someone or ever felt any sort of sexual attraction to anyone (think I actually saw the word "asexual" on some OLD YouTube video) And then I saw the genderfluid label on someone else, because like I can feel both masculine and feminine at random times and don't care how people see me, so then I also went by that label LMAO

@lycorislacerations @nico-flo @yanshiho @landmine-dancer @written-by-music @mxjuskewl @too-deep-for-moss @sayoriluver @sleepymeowzidol @omgkawaiiangel-chaan @saeivra @empress-azrae1 @dearestmika @lotusangel222 @about-that-teenie-girl2 @purgatorial-guide @princeoscartheidiot @96princessxxoo @wizardingdaughterofathena @seraphbell + open tags

[randomfriendlyloser]

WE HAVENT TALKED IN LIKE 75 YEARS HRU MOOTIE /gen /pos

Yesyes It truly does feel like ages HELLOOO I MISSED YOU ♡

How are ya doing???

[f4nd0m-h0pp3r]

IVE MISSED YOU AS WELL !!! EVERYTHINGS BEEN GOOD , I WENT TO THE LIBRARY TODAY !! WHAT ABOUT YOU :D

[randomfriendlyloser]

Oh, I'm glad! I've just been relaxing and stuff and watching shows, still REALLY bored these days T_T

[randomfriendlyloser]

Just finished my math final today

Finally no more math 💔💔💔 that shit was ass

Omg, a whole bunch of burdens have been lifted. I hope your finals went well <3 We still haven't gotten a break from our school by the way-

And I just woke up so my mood might be all depressive again 🥹🥹

[ivoraaahills-deactivated2026060]

YIPPPEE, tysm, my rou <3 I hope you can finish school and rest well cause you deserve it

BIIIGG BIIIIGGG HUGS 🫶🫶

[randomfriendlyloser]

BEAUTIFUL PERSON AWARD! Once you are given this award you're supposed to paste it in the asks of 8 people who deserve it. If you break the chain nothing happens, but it's sweet to know someone thinks you're beautiful inside and out!

Thank you very very much, Ryuu <33 I'm gonna send it to people now!