#joking character hate

[fakecrfan]

Gerry canonically had a neckbeard and nobody talks about it for some reason.

I thought this was a joke and the “canonically” was being used as a hyperbolic modifier the way I use it sometimes but.

C...anon?

[fakecrfan]

martin's a flat-earther

“Nope,” Martin says. “That’s against basic science.”

“I told you,” Jon explains in that Wiser-Than-Thou voice he’s gotten post-apocalypse. “Science doesn’t matter, dream logic does. So--”

“Nope.”

“I can see literally the entire earth, Martin. The shape of it. How it’s changed. And it is definitely flat.”

“Okay then,” Martin says, primly. “So what happens if we get to the edge?”

“We immediately end up on the other side of the map.”

“Oh. So you mean like what happens when you walk around a sphere, then?”

Jon gives him a Look. Or, well, many Looks. He has spare eyes for it.

“You’re impossible.”

[fakecrfan]

HOW TO MAKE THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES A BETTER PODCAST

KILL JON

- TREVOR HERBERT A CONCERNED PARENT

Jon is DEFINITELY a threat to your child, anon! be concerned!

[fakecrfan]

Mary Keay is anti-vax. She thinks you can cure polio with vibes

She outright TELLS people she can cure their polio with "vibes."

"Come here," she says. "I have a cure for polio in my basement."

And then the poor dupes come to her house and into her basement, which has a trapdoor leading to an even Deeper basement, and they go in there and she feeds them to a book.

[fakecrfan]

Gerard died as he lived.

Never knowing what a boobie looks like.

Gerry actually was convinced boobs didn't exist. He alternated between telling Gertrude that they were a meme invented by the internet and that people only pretended they existed as a joke to telling her it was part of an international government conspiracy.

Gerry was also transmasc and never had or desired top surgery.

[fakecrfan]

Sasha is a vegan and entirely un-obnoxious about it but Jon (who hates vegans) cannot handle this and sneaks regularly into the breakroom to hide snails in her homemade salad.

This causes Sasha to get sick, because likes lot of vegans/vegetarians she's developed a food sensitivity to anything flesh-related due to not having to digest it for some time.

She gets revenge by baking vegan muffins with frosting made out of avocado dyed to look chocolate. Then, whenever Martin bakes cupcakes (which he does every week in a nervous attempt to get people to like him) Sasha sneakily switches the ones on the plate Martin takes Jon for the avocado frosting muffins.

Jon can like... Tell something's different? But he can't tell what so he jumps to accuse Martin of poisoning him with arsenic.

[fakecrfan]

Idk how anyone can like basira when she goes out of her way to leave the sidewalk and trample through people's flowerbeds on purpose. Just sees someone's patch of daffodils and goes absolutely feral on them. When a little old lady catches her at it she puts up her middle finger at them too. Super problematic of her honestly.

Later she had rented a car and she saw the same old lady so she deliberately drove off the road just to flatten that little old lady’s garden. She then drove back and forth over it several times in front of the old lady. After that, she rolled down her window, looked the old lady dead in the eyes, took a drag of her cigarette, and then flicked it out onto the ruined grass before driving off.

Just highly problematic behavior.

[fakecrfan]

Incel michael shelley: "no girl is ever going to fuck me :("

Gertrude getting ready to fuck him up by yeeting him into the spiral: "hooty hoo boy is it your lucky day"

PFFFFFFFFF

Thank you for this genius. I'm publishing this so everyone can see it.