There’s Something Lonesome about You
4900+ words. Joey Gutierrez/Alphonso Mackenzie.
Joey returns to the Playground to find the team two members short, and Mack hurting in their sudden absence.
Also on ao3
Going home for a few days had been the original plan, after they'd left Columbia and Elena. Daisy and Coulson had agreed that it was only far that Joey be able to do that. One of the hardest parts of joining SHIELD, for Joey, had been the idea of leaving his family behind. The last his family had known, his apartment had been destroyed in the advent of of a new Inhuman – someone they hadn't known was Joey. Of course, after a little while, SHIELD, at Daisy's urging, had let him contact his family. His mother had cried, on the phone, so damn glad to hear from him. Her happiness had been infectious, and Joey had cried for most of the phone call, himself.
Getting to go home for Sunday dinner had been wonderful. Wonderful, and hard. Finally getting to spend time with his family had meant hiding another secret from them.
When he had come out to his family, years before, he'd been terrified. The very real fear of losing them had been on his mind, and it was hard to ignore. They had all surprised him, with their 'we already knew's and 'why would this change anything?'s. This new secret, though, Joey couldn't bring himself to share. It had been like Daisy said; he would have to keep it to himself, for a while. It put him in danger, but even more, this secret, his powers, put his family in danger. If anyone learned that he was connected to them, and that they, therefore, in a way, were connected to SHIELD, his family could be put on any number of target lists.
And he just couldn't let that happen.
A few days home, however, had turned into a week and a half, with things getting too heated and intense at SHIELD to spare the quinjet to bring him back. Daisy had assured him that they would come pick him up, if they absolutely needed to, but, for now, to enjoy his time with his family.
And, the thing was, he had.
He had really, really enjoyed getting to pretend to be a normal, average guy again. He'd gone out to the bar with his cousins, had dinner with some of the guys from the site.
And woken up, one morning, to a call from Lincoln, telling him that Daisy and May would be coming to collect him. That a lot had changed while he was gone, but they needed him back at SHIELD, now.
So, the vacation had ended, and Joey was okay with that.
He was happy to be going back to SHIELD. As much as he'd loved his time with his family, with SHIELD, he was making a difference. Or, at least, that's how it felt. He stuck to the story that they had concocted – that, he was working on a site for a new theme park, very top secret but, yes, maybe the Disney name was attached. His family and friends had readily accepted that, and his mom had shoved a plastic bag with food-filled tupperwares into his hands before he'd gone off to the pre-arranged pick-up area. Daisy and May had been waiting by the time they'd gotten there, and even though Daisy smiled when she saw him, and gave him a big hug, he could tell something was wrong.
That something turned out to be better than he'd thought, but worse than he'd hoped.
Something had gone very, very wrong in Russia. While Bobbi and Lance had lived, they had chosen to leave SHIELD, in order to protect the organization from being dragged back into the light. May had explained, while they flew the quinjet back to the Playground. Daisy had sat across from Joey and nodded along with the story. He could see how much it hurt her to have lost the two agents.
Joey himself hadn't even known them that well, but he couldn't help feeling a sharp, sad ache at the fact that they were gone, never coming back.
The loss of the two agents meant that Joey, Lincoln and, should she agree, Elena, would need to step up. Daisy was working harder at putting together her team. Malick and HYDRA represented a serious issue, and without the team, Daisy wasn't sure they would stand much of a chance. Together, they could stand a serious chance at getting HYDRA down, again, for good.
Daisy explained this as they unloaded themselves from the quinjet, and walked from the hangar into the base.
“How's Mack taking it...?” Joey asked, finally, as Daisy walked him to his room.
Her expression would have been answer enough. “About as well as you'd expect.” She said quietly. Looking at Joey, she shrugged. “They were his best friends. As much as Mack has gotten close to all of us, Bobbi and Hunter were his oldest, dearest friends. He knew them before the fall of SHIELD, he and Bobbi were together on that day. I mean... It would be like me losing Fitz and Simmons.” She shook her head while they rounded the corner to the hallway that Joey's room was in. “He's been pretty quiet, but he's doing his job. We're going to Columbia tomorrow, to check on Elena. You should come.”
Joey nodded, opening the door to his room. Back to the grind, but he wasn't complaining, far from. He was more concerned about Mack. “I'd like to. Her English isn't that good...”
Daisy smiled, snapping her fingers and pointing at him. “You got it. That's why I was really, really hoping you'd agree. Dropping out of high school didn't help with my Spanish.”
Joey laughed, crouching down to store the tupperware containers his mother had sent into the mini-fridge. “We can work on that. You're a super-spy, languages should be one of your skills.” When Daisy didn't reply, Joey looked over his shoulder to see her watching him with a small, distant smile. “Daisy?”
She shook her head, and by the time she looked at Joey again, her eyes had refocused. “Sorry. It's been a long few days. I'll let you finish settling back in, okay?”
“Okay.” Joey said, drawing the word out with uncertainty, watching her leave.
The loss of Bobbi and Hunter was having a far reaching, deep effect that Joey hadn't quite predicted. The mood was already changed, from what he'd seen when he and Daisy had been walking into the base. The faceless, nameless agents that he had yet to meet had even seemed subdued, but it was the team, the ones that were the closest to Daisy, who had been the closest to Bobbi and Hunter, that he had seen the biggest, most painful changes in.
After unpacking, Joey left his room, going to check in on everyone. Partly, if he was honest with himself, he was checking to make sure that none of the people he had come to think of as friends had disappeared while he'd been gone.
Moreno and Schwartz, the agents who had been his escorts while he'd been moved back and forth between the Playground and the Cocoon, were around, and they were doing well. Fitz and Simmons, Joey found in the lab. They were hunched over Fitz's computer, together, going over a blood analysis. They both spoke with him briefly, but nothing too indepth. He could tell that they, like Daisy, were feeling the loss of Bobbi and Hunter around the base. It seemed like they were leaning on each other a lot which, Joey understood, was a good thing, after everything in their past.
He left them to it, and continued his rounds. May, he knew, had gone to join Coulson in his office. Joey wasn't especially eager to see the SHIELD director. While he respected him, there was something about Coulson that just felt standoffish and unapproachable. It was easier just to know where he was, than to go actively searching.
Daisy and Lincoln weren't hard to find. The two of them were deep into a sparring match, no powers allowed. Daisy was taking Lincoln to school, by the looks of it, though Joey had to wonder about that. Lincoln was perfectly capable of holding his own, and should have at least been giving Daisy something of a challenge – though Joey's money would always be on her to win. The fact that Daisy was throwing Lincoln all over the mats like he had absolutely zero ability to fight? Well, Joey knew what that was about. Even before he'd gone back home for his visit, it had been well-known that is Daisy and Lincoln were sparring, they were only going one way.
Joey didn't bother interrupting, and moved along.
There was someone in particular he wanted to see. Badly. Someone who he knew would be hurting from what had happened with Hunter and Bobbi.
And Joey had an idea of where he might be.
Skipping the rest of the base, having found most everyone he wanted to check up on, Joey headed to the garage. The way was quiet, no one coming or going, and for a second, Joey worried that was a sign that he would find it empty.
It was the fact that he didn't find it empty that explained why he hadn't seen anyone on the way down.
The red corvette parked in a place of honour in the garage, Joey knew, was the crown jewel of Coulson's collection of vintage everything. Even Joey, who was partial to motorcycles, had to admit that the car was a beautiful piece of work. Mack had told him that Coulson had taken a lot of wearing down, before he let the mechanic work on his corvette. Even then, Mack had suspected that part of the only reason Coulson had given in was because he was trying to catch Mack in being a double agent for another branch of SHIELD.
Now, though, the hood of the vehicle was propped up, and around it, barely visible, Joey could see enough of the person working on it to know that he'd found the one he was looking for.
The fact that Mack was currently working on Lola, something of a white whale for him, was a damn obvious indication of how Mack was feeling. If Coulson was letting Mack work on Lola without his presence being part of the tableau, then Mack was really, truly upset.
And Joey couldn't blame him.
Footsteps echoing in the garage, Joey wasn't sure how Mack could miss that he was there, but he couldn't fault him, either.
He also didn't know how to make his presence known, and wasn't sure if he should interrupt. Maybe Mack wanted to be alone, and that would be fair. Still, he'd just lost his two oldest, closest friends. Had Joey been in that situation, he would be trying as hard as possible, as much as he could, not to be alone. He wouldn't want to feel that emptiness.
Chancing that maybe Mack felt the same, and just hadn't pushed the issue himself, Joey opened Lola's driver side door and, with a quick glance back to make sure Coulson hadn't tailed him down here, slid in behind the wheel. For a few minutes, the only sound in the garage was Mack's breathing, Joey's, and the sound of the various parts Mack was working with. Watching through the crack between the frame and the hood, Joey could see when Mack stood up, wiping his hands on a rag, before the hood lifted and came down again, dropped carefully back into place.
That's when Joey saw the earbuds in Mack's ears, and finally registered the vague, tinny sound he'd been hearing.
“Hey, rookie.” Mack said, reaching up to pull the earbuds out. The tinny sound got louder for a second before it completely went away. “How was Sunday dinner?”
“You mean 'dinners', right?” Joey said with a smile. Mack smiled back, tucking the rag into the back pocket of his jeans. It was a nice thing to see on his face, but it looked strained, an attempt to act normal and casual in the face of his own heartache. “They were good.”
Mack nodded, but didn't say much else, only returned to his toolbox. From what Joey could see, he wasn't so much getting another tool as he was organizing what was already in there. Making busy work, doing something to keep his mind occupied, especially because Joey wasn't exactly making conversation. Maybe Mack had wanted to be alone. Joey could understand that, too, even if it wasn't how he would have dealt with things.
Now that he had checked up on him, maybe it would be best if Joey left Mack be, and let him continue this healing process how he would prefer to do it.
Not only that, but Joey couldn't help the stab of guilt he was feeling. Mack was grieving losing his friends – and even though they were still alive, Joey made no mistake that they were lost – and Joey was sitting in Lola's driver's seat, watching the way the muscles moved in his back. That was insensitive on some level. Maybe more than just one.
So, it would probably be best if he left Mack to his own devices, but after so long being a civilian again, Joey wasn't ready to move on without checking on Mack more than he had. Mack had, in fact, checked on him more than he'd returned the favour.
“I don't think I need to ask.” He started, turning in the driver's seat so that he could hang his legs out the side of the car, boot soles on the concrete floor. “But how are you doing?”
Mack went still, and for a second, Joey thought he was going to be asked to leave. Instead, Mack put down the wrench he'd had in his hand, and turned to face Joey. He wasn't making eye contact, seemingly very interested by the floor, and Joey barely kept himself from getting up. It was more painful than he could have predicted, to see that look on Mack's face. There was something just so heart-wrenching about seeing such a big, immovable man look so broken.
After a few moments with neither of them speaking, Joey stood, gently closing Lola's door behind him. “Listen, you don't have to say yes. You don't have to say anything at all. But my mom sent me back with food. A lot of food. If you want, you come back to my quarters? My mom's a damn good cook, but if it's you, I'm willing to share.”
There was another pause, and then Mack finally looked up, meeting Joey's eyes and smiling in a way that wasn't forced, but was exceptionally tired. “You know what? Sounds like a good time.”
Half of Joey hadn't expected that invitation to amount to anything. The half that had was excited, and waited impatiently for Mack to close up 'shop', as it were, before they left the garage. Mack had accepted his invitation, and as a result, Joey was getting him out of the garage and into good company, with good food, and maybe, just maybe, he would be able to open up and talk about everything.
“About what you asked, before.” Mack said, as they walked. “I'm not doing the greatest. Holding together, because that's what we do, but I've been kind of closed off. Everyone's been giving me a wide berth, even Tremors. Figure I need the alone time to sort myself out.” That tired smile came back. “When I closed the hood and saw you sitting there? Thought I had finally snapped from being miserable the last couple o' days. Started hallucinating.”
Joey laughed quietly. “I would hope you'd, uh, hallucinate something better than me?”
Mack's big hand came down on his shoulder, giving it a friendly squeeze. “Don't sell yourself short, rookie. You'd be a great hallucination.”
Ignoring the rush of warmth that Mack's words and accompanying soft look gave him, Joey led the way into his quarters – 'you know you can just call it a bunk, right?' Daisy had once said – and went to the fridge to pick out one of the containers. “Make yourself comfortable. I, uh, I have a couple of video games in here now. You know,” he stood up, eying two containers to choose between them. “To pass the time. Not much else to do but read, train, or spar, and since Daisy and Lincoln tend to keep the mats fairly occupado...”
Mack laughed, and Joey couldn't help from grinning wide. It was a good sound, and it felt good to have been able to get that out of him. “Those two tend to go one way, and one way only, when they're sparring.”
“Don't I know it.” Joey agreed, rolling his eyes before picking the dish he wanted. He tucked the other tupperware container back in the fridge and took the lid off the one he'd selected, before sliding it into the little microwave. True, the Playground had its own kitchen, but each of the agents' quarters have a bed, couch, television, mini fridge, microwave and bathroom was extremely useful. Especially when one was attempting to cheer up a fellow agent with the leftovers of a home cooked meal. “Have you... Spent much time with either of them?”
Mack, sitting on the couch, shook his head. “No. Like I said, wide berth.” He chuckled softly. “It's funny, because Daisy's the one who taught me to lighten up a little, but she, and everyone else, really? None of them are talking about it. Not after that night in the bar. We just don't bring it up. I don't know if that's on Coulson...” Mack trailed off, seeing Joey's confused expression. “Coulson isn't talking about it. We're spies, we're supposed to have a handle on these things. It's supposed to be business as usual.”
Joey frowned. “But that's – excuse me – that's operating like you aren't human beings.” Taking the tupperware from the microwave, Joey careful dished out two enchiladas each to both of their plates, then left the dish on the small table while he walked over to the couch to hand Mack his plate, plus a knife and fork. “And I know, technically, Daisy, Lincoln and I aren't human, but...”
Mack looked at his plate, giving it a critical once over. “First, thank you for this. Second, did your mom actually send you back to the super secret spy base with enchiladas?”
Joey smiled. “And chicken and rice, and steak and fried potatoes. I'm a grown man, but the whole not seeing me for a few months thing made her maternal instinct kick in again.”
“I can see that. And, third.” Mack cut into one of the enchiladas before looking up at Joey. “Thank you. You're making it very obvious that I'm welcome to talk about all this, and, honestly? It just might help.” He took the first bite of his food, and his expression became something that was undeniably pleased. “Got to love that home cooking.”
“Glad you like it.” Joey replied, beaming. “And, hey, I'm happy to help. That's what Daisy wants us to do. I don't think she exactly had this in mind...”
That got another chuckle from Mack. “No, probably not. But since our shrink... Is otherwise indisposed right now, you doing this is probably exactly the kind of help she'd be hoping for.”
“Well, then, in that case? You just talk, about whatever you want. Get it off your chest.” Joey prompted, digging into his food, too.
Mack didn't forget about his meal, but he didn't let Joey's offer go unfulfilled, either. Between bites of food – which he praised at least twice more, and Joey was going to have to share that with his mother – Mack talked. He talked about the last few days, knowing that Bobbi and Hunter were gone, and how different that had made things. Bobbi and Hunter were his oldest friends in the current iteration of SHIELD. He and Bobbi had been part of Gonzales' other SHIELD together, and had known each other the entire time that Mack had been with the organization.
Mack remembered her as the fledgling specialist she had once been, and remembered how he'd been shocked that she had been kind enough to cross departments and mingle with the Sci-Ops agents. For the most part, Mack explained, that just hadn't been done if one was a specialist. Not until you'd made a name for yourself, and no one could tear you down for unnecessary mingling. But Bobbi hadn't cared about all that, and they had gotten close.
Really close, in-jokes and Bobbi fully informed and onboard with who he was, close. Mack told Joey about nights at the bar, where Bobbi would point out different girls and guys, and ask Mack what he thought of them. Sometimes, if she was feeling bold, she'd try to set him up with them. Most times, it was just a game they played to pass the time in the bar.
And then Lance Hunter had come along.
When Bobbi had met Lance, she had, of course, eventually brought him to meet Mack. They were close, and Lance was turning out to be more than just a casual fling. It only made sense that Bobbi would bring him to meet the man she'd thought of as a big brother type, even if she had made a point to make it clear that he wasn't really her big brother, all the times that Mack had tried to offer her his advice.
“He was a real prick to me when I first met him. I couldn't figure out why Bobbi wanted to date the guy. I couldn't figure out what she saw in the guy.” Joey handed Mack a beer from his mini fridge. “I don't know when I started seeing it, too.”
Joey froze for a second, and Mack laughed. “I worded that badly. I mean, I saw why she found him so attractive, and how she could fall for him. It's kind of like a 'he's a prick, but he's my prick' sort of thing, you know?” Joey nodded. “I started to see why she had given him the time of day to begin with. He grew on me.”
Mack sighed, his beer bottle dangling between his fingers while they sat on the couch. Joey had long since put the plates to the side, and settled in to listen to the other man's stories. It was comfortable, and as the night had gone on, and the stories had passed, Mack had seemed to relax more and more. Joey would easily admit that it made him feel good to see Mack seeming to feel better.
“It's hard. Knowing they're out there. They aren't dead, as far as I know, but they're out there, and there's no way for me to contact them. They couldn't take it, even if there was, because it could put us all at risk. It's hard not knowing if they're okay.”
Joey leaned over, bumping his shoulder against Mack's as he settled into the couch. “You'll just have to believe in them. I know that you do, but you have to really just let go and believe that they've got things under control.”
Mack raised his eyebrows. “You have met Bobbi and Lance, right?”
Joey smiled. “I have. It's why I'm pretty sure they can take care of themselves, out there.” He leaned forward, again, fishing one of the game controllers from the floor, handing it up to Mack while he tugged the other towards himself, using the cable. “And I know you know that they can, too.”
“I know. Absolutely.” Mack answered, his tone warm, while he took the game controller. “Not gonna lie, rookie. Didn't know you played.”
Joey settled back in place again, using the remote to turn on the TV from where they were sitting. Mack was sitting in the middle of the couch, forcing Joey to be close to him, really, wherever he sat. Not that Joey was complaining. “I didn't, really.” He admitted. “But Fitz got me started on them, and then Daisy told me that you liked them, too, so I figured... Few rounds of first person shooter, you can tell me more stories?”
Mack smiled, watching Joey for a moment, before turning back to the screen. “Sounds like a good plan to me.”
Joey was proud of himself. He had come back to find everyone deep in their coping mechanisms, and Mack too kind to pull any of them out of it to get some things off his chest. A couple of enchiladas and an open ear was all Mack had needed, and Joey could feel the bigger man relax beside him. Was his hurt totally mended? Of course not. It would take more than Joey's mother's home cooking to fix the hole that Lance and Bobbi had left, and Joey more than respected that. But Mack had needed a friend to drag him out of his polite, self-imposed seclusion, and Joey had been all too happy to do that.
While they played, Mack told Joey some more stories. Stories about the mission that Bobbi had once had with the avenger, Clint Barton, and stories about Lance, and his closest friends, Isabelle and Idaho. Joey had heard of them before, only briefly. Izzy, it turned out, was the one who had introduced Bobbi and Lance. They had lost the two of them back when Bobbi had been undercover at HYDRA, keeping tabs on Simmons. That had hurt, and with Bobbi being gone, Mack and Hunter had leaned on each other a lot to get past it. Bobbi, from her position in deep cover, had been able to reach out to Mack, once word had reached her. They had all grieved in their own way.
It was amazing, to Joey, to hear these stories. To learn about the pasts of these people that he had come to think of as friends, even if he didn't feel their absence as keenly as Mack did. After a while, he set his controller down, and sat back to watch Mack play while he told stories. Before he realized it, he was leaning against Mack, laughing along while Mack told the story of how indignant Lance had been when Bobbi had turned up, with her dark brown dyed hair and her HYDRA get-up, fully immersed in this SHIELD, despite being his ex-wife.
Finally, over an hour after they had first picked up the controllers, Mack bowed out, leaving the game on the GAME OVER screen while he leaned back. Joey didn't move away, and Mack didn't make him move, the two of them settled together on the couch and amicable silence. It was nice, and comfortable. Food, video games, and good company had been, it seemed, just what the doctor had neglected to order for Mack, but Joey had been all too happy to provide it.
After a few minutes, he tugged back his sleeve and glanced at his watch, with a small sigh. “Hey, sorry.” He started, shifting so he wasn't slouching nearly as much, properly sitting up on the couch. “It's getting pretty late, and I know Daisy--”
All Joey could figure was that either Mack had appreciated his company, tonight, or apologies for keeping him so late got his motor going. Either way, Joey was cut short, not by Mack interrupting with words, but with a small, gentle kiss.
It wasn't what Joey had been angling for, at all, tonight, when he'd invited Mack to spend time with him, but it was still good. Gentle, and sweet, and warm in a way that made Joey melt, his hands dropping into his lap while he leaned forward into the kiss, and then forward still more, for a split second, when Mack pulled away.
“I should get going.” Mack murmured, while he searched Joey's face, almost idly. His deep voice was rumbling all the way down Joey's spine, that kiss having short-circuited his brain, as innocent as it had been. “You're right. Daisy wants to head to Columbia, tomorrow. See how Elena is feeling about signing up for the greater good. You're coming, right?”
Joey nodded.
Mack's smile grew, and he stood up, towering over Joey while he stayed seated on the couch. “Good. Get some sleep, Joey.”
“Yeah,” Joey said with one stiff nod.
Mack made his way towards the door, knowing full well that Joey's eyes were following him. There was no way he couldn't. “And, hey, thanks for listening. I really, really appreciated it.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Joey cleared his throat, hating the dazed tone of his voice. Just because that was the first kiss he'd had in months, and it had happened to come from the guy that Joey admittedly had some feelings for, didn't mean he had to lose all his eloquence. “Any time.”
“I'll remember that.” Mack assured him, and, with another smile, he left.
Joey waited until he was sure the door was closed, and Mack would be out of hearing range, before he flopped back on the couch and groaned. “Well, Gutierrez. I think that was pretty obvious. You've got the green light.”