#jonathan mouse

[jonathanmouse]

1988, April 20th

Father sends a postcard from Russia: "Weather lovely. Absolutely no sodomy happening here at all. Love to Boots." Boots is his new name for mother. School on Monday.1 Rutty and cricket. I can't stop eating almonds.2 ----------------------------------- 1 Like many English, the Mouses hated their child and sent him away to be punished at a private school. He duly had a miserable time. In later life, Jonathan Mouse was a prominent member of the Bring Back the Birch campaign. 2 A nut.

[jonathanmouse]

1988, April 8

Father has announced that his round-the-world trip will proceed through only those countries where sodomy is banned. The whole world's going bottom crazy and it'll soon be too late. He's marked with clay buttocks1 the "cursed lands" on an atlas and flies from the Isle of Man to Jersey on Tuesday.2 ----------------------------------------------------------------

1 Buttocks in clay were the specialty of Cornish artist Jethro Jasper (d. 1955). Jasper's work became popular in the mid 80s, pieces selling for as much as £30. Cornwall is an area of the UK where the Corns live. For historical reasons it has its own army.

2 I can find no evidence that Roger Mouse made this trip.

[jonathanmouse]

April 24: Jonathan Mouse, operating as Windsor Holdings

19.30. I always thought I'd be on "Watchdog" as one of the presenters. 19.37. All properties, needless to say, were redistributed in a perfectly legal manner. 19.38. Only ten pensioners were made, to use awfully emotive language, homeless. 19.39. Do these self-appointed guardians of public morals in the media and the police realise just how hard it is these days to "put an old woman out in the street"? Of course not. 20.09. Lashings of poison, but very little chalice.