Shelter (link on Ao3) The Icarus hunt. Jordan McKell/Ixil
ab.900 words. soft. Mention of torture.
May Trope Mayhem 23 Interspecies Relationship - 29. Bed sharing.
My English is insecure, please pet it on the head (and correct it when it needs it!)
@ri-writing I did it again...it’s been a few months since I read the book, so I hope it’s not too OOC. And I took some liberties with the language (very low pressure fandom) so it’s maybe even less English than my other works. Hope you’ll like it!
I'm not usually one to brag, but I consider myself a decently sharp guy. I have a good reading of my surroundings, and a serious ability to evaluate any situation. It's a necessity in my line of work, and I had to rely more than once on my instincts and observation skills to not die, or worse.
That's why it surprises me that I did not get it earlier.
Granted, Ixil had always been very good at hiding his emotions under a chill expression. The reptile features help a great deal too.
Still, I had all the clues. After he rescued me from the Paath prison, gathering my broken body, I should have understood.
The time I spent at the sick bay to mend my wounds and fix my bones, I read the reports.
Every time Ixil had to follow the trail of blood and information, only to arrive too late at the cell or the hold where I had been kept, getting the sensory input from Pax and Pix, all recorded in short sentences and precise words. Yes I had been there. Yes I had been tortured. Yes, I was already gone.
Among the clinical reports, I should have noticed the few discreetly hurting adjectives, the verbs of a never ending quest, any small token of my existence, scraps of my shirt, strand of my hair, proof of my life, meticulously listed in the strictness of the computer.
I had been happy and relieved when he eventually found me, tired and broken, after weeks of a wicked hide and seek game, and I had not really paid a thought on what it could have mean for him.
I can recall the moment of my liberation, when he opened my manacles with an electric tool, my iguana-faced warrior in his shiny armor.
Kalixes don't cry.
He helped me out of the cage, carrying more than half of my weight, and never let me go until I was secure under medical expertise.
He had kept me under his surveillance, checking on me more often than needed, sleeping on the too small chair by my side.
His face usually gives nothing.
The ferrets had started to check on me at night, sniffing the bandage on my neck and stomach, putting the little wet nose on my face, and running up my legs and my chest, as to assure themselves that I was alive. Even then, I did not right away make the connection.
Ixil asked me about the nightmare, and I shrugged. He was as tired as me, but less damaged and, again, it was less visible.
The ferrets kept coming at night, but no more on a reconnaissance mission. They were petting me, head bumping my chin, my cheek, my lips, trying to give me comfort and reassurance.
Three full night's with restless ferrets, all alarmed every time I let escape a painful whine, and more clingy than an earth kitten.
I understood. I refused to believe it. I got my hopes up. I made a crazy decision.
I scooped Pix who was trying to hide under my arm, and Pax who had been half asleep, their little head nested on my groin, and limped to Ixil's bunk.
I waited ten seconds until he realized my presence and woke up, and I felt a fleeting pride of knowing that he trusted me that much. Especially from a sleep that light. “I can't sleep with them. They move too much.”
I put the two ferrets on his bed, but they kept trying to brush against my hand instead of settling against their master. Ixil averted his eyes, and that was a premiere.
- “I'm sorry. I'll try to keep them here. They had been distressed.”
I nodded.
- “Now, scoot over!”
Ixil looked up at me, he would have frowned if he had eyebrows.
- “Please ! We both need to sleep.”
I had just a flash of doubt before he leaned back a little, and opened the covers.
He was in his usual sleep clothes, soft shorts and a thin tank top strap-tied behind his neck, like the pretty girls' dresses, that let the ferrets the easiest access to his shoulders.
I had opened a special Pandora box there, and I had things to unpack, with that warm tension in my belly when Ixil granted me access to his bed, all sleepy eyes, light clothes, and cool muscles.
I settled in the bed, almost big enough for both of us, carefully arranging my limbs to avoid pressure on my left shoulder, and keep my right knee at a supportable angle.
The large frame of Ixil was encompassing all my back, my butt, my thighs, and I never felt as much as the little spoon than at that moment. Ixil closed his arm around my waist, and the bandage on my wrist caught on his skin, frailing the loose weave fabric. I felt him tense behind me, but his voice was perfectly measured.
- “Do you want me to cover the scales?”
I patted his arm, and pulled him a little more around me.
- “no, I just want to sleep. We'll talk tomorrow.”
I realized that I had just demanded access to my direct superior’s bed.
Pix and Pax couldn't care less, they had curled up at our feet and were already snoring lightly.
I don’t know if Ixil smiled. I did.
May Trope Mayhem 2023
The chosen one (link on Ao3) May Trope Mayhem 11. animal transformation 911 Buddie.
Viva voce (link on Ao3) May Trope Mayhem 17. Dialogue-only story Star Trek TOS Space husbands
2.9 miles away (link on Ao3) May Trope Mayhem 18. OMG They were crewmates Shameless Gallavich
Let’s talk about Jordan McKell’s business decisions....
Yes, I'm still on my bullshit, and since now my ongoing threats to go into a meta-fun-time were encouraged.....let's talk about trust and The Icarus Hunt. Because this is a book that looks like it's a mystery story, but it's actually a story about trust, loyalty, and maybe some of those other sympathetic human emotions.
Ultimately, I want to talk about The Wallet and why that scene is so incredibly good. Before we get there, though, we've got to talk about some other things that happen first. Basically, this is probably a series of at least three posts so we can lay the groundwork for why The Wallet hits so hard.
To start, we need to talk about Jordan's new job. And on that note, we should probably put a cut because...spoilers.
Hi. Still here? If you get spoiled, this is now your fault. I gave you a cut. You clicked to keep reading.
The Icarus Hunt, as told by Jordan McKell, is two stories for the price of one. You get the original story from your first read of down-on-his-luck ship captain Jordan McKell who has been forced to turn to crime to survive and who ends up getting to take a legit job that quickly goes bad. (I suspect this is the read that gives us the Star Wars vibes at least as they apply to Jordan). If you go back and reread the story after your original read with the knowledge that Jordan is a spy, Jordan's behavior and decisions hit differently.
I'm going to get to the actual decision I want to talk in a moment, but first, let's chat about Jordan's situation. The reason the book works, and in particular the reason why the big twist works, is that Jordan actually never provides an affirmative lie to the reader. Everything he tells us is true. Instead, Jordan lies by omission. He leaves out a couple important facts that affect how we understand the story.
Because of this, we should believe Jordan when he shares with us about how he deeply regrets the choices that brought him here. Again, Jordan doesn’t affirmatively lie to us - if he says he regrets his life, he does. Jordan through much of the book is burnt out. At times, he is downright bitter. On some occasions, he even blames Ixil for his own decisions (example – Jordan says he doesn't want to hear about his situation from “the one who'd ultimately gotten [him] in this mess to begin with.”). Jordan feels trapped and he wants out. While the first read impression is that Jordan's telling us that he regrets making bad investments and getting involved with crime, once you know what Jordan's actual deal is, this hits differently. Jordan regrets becoming a spy.
I can't really fault him for that. He's been doing this for a ridiculously long time. Depending on whether Jordan's EarthGuard career started after college or ran concurrently with it, he is somewhere between 35 and 39 years old. (Yes, I have done the math). There is no end in sight. His mission is to infiltrate a criminal organization and work his way up the ranks. He's still on the outer fringes of that organization. Very little headway has been made. He's going to be doing this for the rest of his life (and when that life might end is an open question some days). His quality of life is awful – there are times he cannot afford to eat – and he doesn't have any real support system. At best he has....well, Ixil. Who is his boss. As far as Jordan knows, Ixil isn't here because he's chosen Jordan. Ixil is here because his bosses told to him to be. (More on this when we get to Nask).
And I wanted to share all of that because what I'm going to say next is not flattering to Jordan, but I completely get why he does it.
What actually happens in Chapter One is this: Jordan manipulates his way into getting the Icarus contract in a moment of weakness in hopes that he will get to blow his cover.
In the initial read of Chapter One, it feels as if Jordan accidentally came upon Arno Cameron. They have a discussion, and Arno hires Jordan. But...that's not what actually happened. First, there’s the obvious fact that Jordan did not accidentally find Arno. Half-way through the book, we're told Uncle Arthur ordered him to find Arno and watch him (but not to engage). In the last chapter, we get further information on that – Jordan had spent several hours going in and out of bars actively looking for Arno. Jordan did not accidentally find this man at all. It was a very intentional thing.
Upon a closer reread of the opening scene, we get even more. It is Jordan who brings up the idea of Arno hiring him. Jordan directs most of that part of the conversation. Arno's not completely sure if he wants to hire Jordan; Jordan more or less talks him into it. Now, while finding Arno was what Jordan was ordered to do, convincing the man to hire him to fly his ship is against Jordan's orders. Uncle Arthur is not pleased when he finds out Jordan's taken the job. Ixil is also well aware of what their orders are and that Uncle Arthur is not going to like this. Ixil even takes the approach of – you dug your grave, you lie in it – and makes Jordan tell Uncle Arthur what has happened without Ixil present as back-up. (Honestly, I'd have done the same).
Okay, so why does it matter? Maybe Jordan was just really enthusiastic about getting a legal shipping job? Well – two points – one, he was already on a job for his criminal employer, a man who Jordan knows will kill him if he disappoints him. It is not in his best interest to blow off his criminal boss. Jordan is well aware of what his best interest is in regards to that. So why do it? Jordan found Arno. Arno’s doing just fine, going about hiring a crew for what appears to be a routine job. Jordan has fulfilled his duty to Uncle Arthur. There’s no reason for Jordan to manipulate Arno into hiring him.
Except there is. Point two. Uncle Arthur had told Jordan that, if Arno Cameron gave the indication that he was in serious danger, Jordan then had permission to break his cover. (It's on Page 453 of my copy).
Arno doesn't act like he's in trouble in the taverno. But, well, he's supposed to be going along on the trip. There's a lot of space between Meima and Earth. If the right amount of trouble came up....
Obviously, afterward, Jordan realizes he should not have done what he did. He even gets a few moments later on where he could be tempted to give the full truth of who he is and doesn't. He could have told Arno when they're in the strargate. Surely, being trapped on the other end of the galaxy is the sort of trouble where Uncle Arthur would have forgiven him blowing his cover. Jordan doesn't do it, though. There's also a point where Tera starts to get too close and Jordan actively tries to start an argument with her to prevent her from thinking too much about his situation. (While that fails, he does manage to divert the conversation and keep his secret intact).
But none of that changes the fact that it is Jordan, not Arno, who orchestrates Jordan getting the Icarus job and that Jordan had been explicitly told to watch only. Jordan's military. If he's breaking orders, he has to have a reason. Desperate people sometimes do desperate things. Jordan’s in a bad place mentally in Chapter One. Sometimes, you see a lifeline and jump for it before asking whether you should have.And now what’s done is done, and Jordan has to see it through.
And, friends, Jordan might be able to argue it away to Brother John or to Uncle Arthur. They might, at least initially, give him the benefit of the doubt. But Ixil absolutely has his number. That's going to be important once Jordan and Ixil have their little chat after learning who Tera is. We'll talk about that in Part Two.
