I've never felt so defeated in my entire life by what your ultimatum. The response you left made me die a lot inside. What do you mean by how I should stop acting like a bitch and acting like I'm the one innocent here. I'm not. I totally am not innocent. I just wanted you to listen to me for a few more times so I could just tell how I feel now. I'm really sorry Sofi. I'm sorry you feel this way but I never meant to tell you "fuck you" when I walked out of your life.
I get it now. I'm just going to take that message as your last and final message and just move on. If we really don't have any chance in salvaging our friendship then so be it. I need to move on and stop talking to you and stop thinking about you. If you really want to go our separate ways and not turn back, then I guess it's fine. Be it as it may, it is the hardest I've ever done and I just wish I could tell you face to face that I do regret walking out of your life and I know that there isn't a chance for us being anything anymore. Not even as a friend. I've died so much inside after reading that because how you act like I don't exist anymore. You were never that type of person to anyone.
I have failed you, Sofi. I really have failed you right from the start. I shouldn't have gotten my emotions in the way. I should've never liked you more than a friend from the start. I should have never met you. But I did, and I lost you. That's just the way things are from now and I'm trying to accept that. If there's anything I've learned about our friendship that ended too soon, it was that it doesn’t take much to ruin any type of relationship; even something small and petty can destroy a bond between people. Unfortunately, I’ve fell on my face and I woke with a scar. It’s just another mistake I’ve made that’s living deep in my heart. You still me everything to me but now, you're just a stranger. It hurts a lot because I'm paying for my actions and this is probably a debt that I'll never have the ability to pay back. For that, I fault myself so much. I think I'm going to have to live with the fact that I'm a failure and that there is something wrong with me.
I know you'll never forgive me and I don't expect you to, but if there was just one final thing I could relay to you, it would be that I hope you learn how to find happiness again. Happiness in yourself, and in others. If you ever find someone you like, you go after that person and you tell them how you feel. Don't ever give up on your dreams and passion no matter what obstructs your path. Separate yourself from what's negative and be your own person. Accept loneliness as an old friend if believe love isn't for you. There is nothing wrong with that. And always, be patient, be fine, be balanced, and be kind.
I really don't know what to do at this point. I know I have to go my way and I have many questions to ask but they'll never be an answer for any of them. Do I still hope and for you to go far in life? Do I still use a little bit of your given motivation I have left to just keep pushing? Do I still keep you in my prayers to live and maintain a good and healthy life? I don't know. I just don't know anymore. You were my only best friend and I selfishly lost you forever. All I really hope is that years from now I hope we unintentionally bump into each other one day. You probably would remember me, but I know I could never forget your face. I could never forget your stories, your past, your deepest darkest secrets, your goals, your fears, everything. Everything you have told me about you since day one. And if we do bump into each other fatefully, I know I'm going to muster everything I have and start over with you.