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11.27.12

uguuuuuuuuuuuuh

I'm hopeless falling in love this guy even more now lmaooo

today's practice was just too fun

urghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I threw in tons of hints for him and he played along with it

argggggggggggggggg

kill me right nowwwwwwwwww

i'm not capable of loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

it'll kill me because it's too

cute

and

adorable-ish

wehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

#11.27.12 #text

(11.27.12/10:23PM)

15 days. It's been fifteen days since I've poured my feelings onto here. A lot has gone by since. I don't even know where to start. I guess I've realized how everything falls and come to an end feels, you know? The pain is all too familiar but you on the other hand made it seem like it was the end of the world for me. I guess I got too attached to you and ended up paying for it because I was becoming compulsive, and jealous because I desperately hoped that you'd have at least of those feelings for me as I did for you. Sofi I want you to realize something and I want to you pay close attention. I am very, very sorry for everything I've done, and said. The night I sent you that final text messages was the night where I had to tell myself that I have to move on if there's nothing left for our friendship. Days after, I'd furiously go back and forth debating whether or not if it was the right thing to do until I just finally stopped doing so because I don't debate about it anymore. I'm staying in one spot trying to figure out if I did or did not regret sending that message to you when I'm actually suppose to be moving forward.

And that's what I've been doing lately. I've been moving forward in life without you. You may very well dislike me and I don't blame you at all. As far as that goes, you can hate me forever, I no longer worry about it because I fully accept everything as it is now. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think I've come to a point where I've finally relinquished all the feelings I had for you. I'm pretty positive that I'm over you. I'm over our fights, disagreements, whatever it is that doesn't put us in the same page. I feel that way because I can forgive myself for all the things I've done, for all the stress I've put you through and finally go my own way. You even said it yourself that we should go our own way since we need to water our roots and in time, we will meet onto the same road someday. Well here I am, I'm watering my roots, are you watering yours? I'm consistently learning and observing how everything works when I'm on my own.

I'm learning about life in difference places and love with different people. I've learned to love myself now and trust who I am, and what I'm capable of because I'm confident in who I am. I won't go around getting all attached with different people because I finally know how it feels for you to fall in and out of love.

If there was anything I ever wanted to say to your face, I'd have to say to take care of yourself Sofi. I don't ever think we'll meet on the same lane ever again like we did in the beginning. But if we do, I'd like to give myself one more chance to you to start our friendship over. I'm finally letting you go and leaving you alone because it's you that need this more. You've gone through so much in the past and it has led up to this point. You're finally going continue your education and follow your dreams and goals. You're finally going to prove to yourself that you're better than this. But if you mess up and get caught in the web that distracts you from your goal even in the slightest mistake; everything you've worked for, will be gone in a snap. Just like that. So, I hope you know what you're doing is the right path for you and not just some misplaced feelings for some guy you want to be in an relationship with, because that's not who you are.

#journaldator #personal #11.27.12