#journaling time

[voidtone]

de selby part 2 getting me on my shit. the dissolution of it all. the stepping outside of self. love themes of dissociation and alienation alongside a fucked up symbiosis. and the video! the time loop doppelgangers! the callbacks to the movement video!

[bookmarksandbrushpens]

To me the holidays are all about showing your loved ones you care about them, which is why I’m so happy to spend the holidays with my family. Today I got to do a journaling session with my Mama so I proudly present both of our Christmas Eve journal entries! Day 24 of the December challenge by @journaling-junkie

Pens: Pilot Falcon, Soft Extra Fine (me) and Pilot Hi-Tec-C Coleto 3 color pen (Mama) Inks: Diamine Oxblood (me) and Pilot Coleto gel refils in purple and brown (Mama) Notebooks: Leuchtturm1917 in dot grid (me) and Story Supply Co. leather notebook and dot grid inserts (Mama)

[castlebyersafterdark]

I don’t know if you’ve answered this before, but how old were you when you realized you were gay? And how old were you when you came out?

Hmmm, I think I've mentioned things in pieces maybe? Ol' Vinny lore rambling below. Giving some insight to the reality, because something oft repeated - life is a series of coming outs. There's rarely a one and done, and life changes over time. Riffing a little...

It's sometimes hard looking back on your own life to pinpoint why and how? Early elementary school, hard to say an exact age - but I knew something was different. There's a lot more to all of it, regarding the cloud of confusion and thoughts and urges in my little brain - but I remember the first time I thought something about a friend of mine rather than just the general concept of men - it had to be like 4th or 5th grade. Scariest moment of my life. Wanting to do something with a guy friend and I didn't even know what I wanted to do. Became very real then, not just this general confused feeling in my head.

I tried to force the compromise of being bisexual on myself maybe around 13 I think? It was getting unbearable to keep a secret - so I told my older sister. She's always been my favorite sibling and this is sooooooo fucking silly, but it explains a lot about how I got here: I knew she was chill with gay and queer people because she was huge into anime and all that nerdy stuff and I'd seen things on her computer. Her anime yaoi stuff that I didn't really get but totally knew what it was, that was what made me feel ok coming out to her 🤣🤣 True story!!! So I told her I thought I was bisexual and she was sooo supportive. She was the one who then got me into fandom and that's when I dove into my own stuff online - because I could be gay online and straight in real life!! I dated girls in middle school and high school. Really tried.

I came out to a close friend junior year because she confessed feelings for me and I didn't want to lead her on. She was kind of my beard the rest of high school. I came out to one other person the summer between junior and senior year because I found out he was gay and I was losing my mind and wanted to do something with a guy. So we became FWB all through my senior year. No one else found out. My sister also knew I was exclusively gay by then as well.

I came out to my college roommate the first week because I refused to live with some bigoted bro and had to find out if I'd need a roommate switch. He became my bestie for life and my biggest supporter. And so I was always out at college from the beginning, fresh start, far from home.

I cowardly made my sister tell my family about me the thanksgiving of my college sophomore year (19) because I couldn't live a double life anymore. It did not go very well. But, that was that. Fully out. No more hiding. Things are chill now with most of the immediate family, but there are reasons I no longer associate with certain family members.

That's life!!! Over it. I have my people 😘😘

[bluishfrog]

Happy Sunday :D

Which season is your favorite? Why?

Mine is autumn and as much as I’m enjoying spring right now I can’t wait for cozy autumn days 🍂

Have a lovely day 🧡

- 🌵

Happy Sunday to you as well :D

Autumn is lovely (good colors) but my favorite is winter. I love the cold and snow and bundling up in big sweaters and scarves and drinking hot chocolate ❄️

[bluishfrog]

Hii :D

I picked this one for today because I‘m thinking a lot about this lately :)

What would your dream home look like?

Or maybe a bit easier: What is one thing your dream home would definitely have?

Have a restful Saturday 🧡

- 🌵

Uhh cool question!

I'd love a home of a size where it's both small and cosy yet big enough to store art supplies, get the painting isle out, start random sewing projects... Just enough space to be creative in, but not too much space to loose myself in.

And for my cat it has to be somewhere where he can go outside, go on his outdoor adventures and climb up as many trees as he wants to.

[bluishfrog]

Happy Friday 🥳

A nice one to end the week:

What is the kindest thing someone has ever done for you?

I hope you have a good start to the weekend 🧡

- 🌵

I have been thinking about this for way too long but I cannot come up with a good answer (and not just because my memory is bad).

Over the years, I have had so many moments where strangers and friends alike have shown me incredible kindness: showed me patience, helped me learn new things, supported me and believed in me. Even on here, there are so many accounts being kind and enthusiastic about my stuff even if they didn't know me 5min before. It's hard to describe all the ways people have shown me kindness.

Or when @honelle56 immediately drove over and drove me and my cat to the emergency vet when he was in pain and I didn't know what was wrong. And she sat with me in the waiting room for hours in the middle of the night while we were waiting for the vet to update us on my cat (little idiot is fine again, it was luckily just an infected bite wound that healed perfectly in the few weeks after).

I am lucky to be surrounded by so many kind people :)

[bluishfrog]

Hi :D

If you were granted three wishes, what would they be?

Have a wonderful day today ☀️🌼

- 🌵

Everyone to be nice and trying to understand each other better no matter if they agree or not

Solve all that world issue stuff: geopolitical stuff, climate stuff, all the stuff.

For my cat to live as long as me.