#joy fic

[parkersanders]

Just Other Years - Chapter Twenty-One

[Silence and Duality Chapter One]

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Warnings: Mentions of blood

Word Count: 1,951

A/N: The sign of a true fanfic writer are year-long gaps in updates, right? Anyway, because of the sheer time that this fic has been updating, I've made a lot of changes to the originally planned timeline. The fic is going to end in the next few chapters instead of the original longer timeline that was planned. I think it's better this way though. So prepare for the climax that is approaching lol!

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Things have been...okay. They've been okay in a way that parker isn't used to. He kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. It had to, one way or another, right? But he was doing his best to stay positive. It was hard to do that considering his role, but...

"Earth to Parker," Roman sang.

Parker blinked a few times and looked over his shoulder at Roman. He looked forward again and moved the dish he was washing into the other sink to be rinsed off. "Uh. Did you need something?"

"You were standing there idly for five minutes," Roman said. He leaned against the counter, watching Parker. Parker's skin prickled and his ears burned with embarrassment at being scrutinized. "I was worried something was wrong."

"Oh. No. No, everything's fine," Parker promised. "Just lost in thought."

Roman laughed. His warm laugh put Parker more at ease. "That's supposed to be my job."

Parker chuckled back, though sounds a bit more uneasy. "I guess I'm taking over." Roman didn't laugh at that, and when Parker glanced at him, he had a more contemplative look on his face. "Um...I'm--I'm joking."

"I know!" Roman looked up and nodded. "Of course I know." He moved to Parker's other side and picked up a towel, starting to dry off the dishes that had been rinsed. "Virgil mentioned that you two talked."

Parker nodded. "We did. It was--It was really nice. I think we came to a nice conclusion. It...felt less hostile." He smiled a bit. "It was just nice."

Roman smiled. "I'm glad. It's nice seeing you two get along for once."

"It's nice to get along." 

They worked in silence for a while. It was right when Parker was feeling comfortable in the silence together that Roman spoke again, asking, "Has Thomas seemed weird to you lately?"

"How so?" Parker scrubs at some food stuck to a knife before he holds it out to Roman to clean.

"He's seemed sad."

Parker flinched and dropped the knife. Roman hissed and his hand yanked back. Parker clapped a hand over his mouth in silent shock as Roman fumbled for a fresh rag to press against the cut. "Are--Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah," Roman said weakly. "A little cut is nothing to me." He winced and sucked in a breath. "Gotta be more careful."

"Um. Yeah." Parker chewed his lip tightly. "I--I can finish the dishes. You should go, um...take care of that...?"

Roman nodded, seeming a bit eager to be in agreement. "Um. I can--talk to you another time?" He smiled weakly and took a shaky breath. He then added, "I'm okay."

Parker didn't believe that at all, but he nodded anyway. Roman left and Parker looked down at the knife left in the sink. There were a couple drops of blood on the knife that blended with the water droplets. He sighed and hung his head as he leaned against the counter.

Thomas had been having a hard time with several things lately. He wasn't getting callbacks for the things he auditioned for. He was having a couple issues with friends. It was getting to Thomas, and so of course it was getting to the rest of the sides. parker felt anxious all the time and he felt like crying for even more times than that. But he knew that the others didn't want Thomas to be upset. If they knew that Parker was directly causing it, then--well--

No. No no. Things were different. They weren't angry at him and they would never put him back there. Parker took a few shaky breaths, trying to calm himself down so he wouldn't act irrationally. When he felt steady enough, he continued cleaning the dishes, making extra sure that he set the dishes down carefully and didn't handle them clumsily.

When Parker was finished, he left to try and find Roman. On his way to Roman's room, he heard soft humming coming from Logan's room. The door was open a bit, so Parker peeked inside. Logan was seated at his desk, hunched over a book and writing things down while he occasionally looked at one of his word flash cards.

Parker hesitated before he knocked on the door. Logan looked over at him. "Ah, Parker. Come in."

Another beat of pause passed before Parker stepped over the threshold into Logan's room. He walked over to the desk. "What are you working on?"

Logan smiled proudly. "I'm glad you asked." He held his hands out to the journal he was writing in. "This is my thoughts journal. I keep all of my research in here, as well as an in-depth record of my word system and fun facts that I can use to try and really drill down into Thomas's brain so he can learn useful information that can be applied to everyday life."

"That's cool," Parker said softly. He tilted his head, getting a better look at the cover of the journal. There were a few stickers pasted haphazardly on the cover. Parker smiled. "...is that the same journal that you had when Thomas was a kid?"

Logan hummed and closed the book so he could admire the cover. "It is," he admits. "I've been using it since we were children. I can just keep adding pages. It feels..." Logan grasped the air like he was trying to physically pluck the word that he was thinking of out of the air. "...nice?" He shook his head, looking unsatisfied with the word. "But I cherish the book. It is one of my oldest possessions."

Parker smiled and leaned over the desk to look at the stickers a bit closely. "I think I remember us putting the stickers on this."

Logan laughed and nodded. He took a sip of water from the glass he kept on his desk and set it down. "I believe it was Roman's idea to put the stickers on it. I was so upset that day." His fingers traced over the stickers with admiration. "But I think that it was a good decision. I wouldn't change that they were here." His eyes squinted and he pursed his lips. "Which sticker was yours?"

"The bird," Parker chuckled. He pointed to the bird half-covered by another sticker. "I was upset when Patton put his cookie sticker over mine, but then Roman told me that my bird was strong and would just fly out from under the cookie when it wanted to. Just--ZIP!" He flung his hand to one side like Roman always did when he explained the bird's flight pattern to Parker.

Unfortunately, this time around, there was a glass of water on the desk. When Parker's hand smacked into it, it overturned, spilling water all over the desk.

"No!!" Logan shouted and Parker let out a gasp. Logan snatched up the notebook, but it was already soaked.

Parker lifted the cup up, but didn't know what to do for the water. He certainly didn't know what to do for the notebook that Logan clutched in trembling hands. Parker could only helplessly stare and hold the cup tight against his chest. "Um..How...I can help, I-"

"You always make such a mess," Logan hissed, looking at the notebook whose pages were already curling and warping with the water.

Parker took a couple steps back, not knowing how to respond to that.

"I heard yelling," Patton said breathlessly, appearing at the door. "Logan are you alright-?"

"Parker, get out," Logan said stiffly. Parker struggled to speak but Logan repeated, "Get out. I." He sucked in a deep breath. "I don't want to snap at you."

Parker looked to Patton helplessly. Patton looked equally lost and just shrugged a bit. "Give him his space for a while, kiddo," he said softly. 

His stomach twisted at that, but he did as was told and moved out of the room. He breathed uneasily as he walked down the hall, still gripping the glass tightly in his hand. He tried to take deep breaths. He needed to calm down. But everything felt like too much and blood pounded in his ears and he felt like he was going to find himself back behind those walls.

Virgil passed Parker in the hallway, but he stopped and looked back. "Hey. Parker." Parker stopped but didn't turn towards him. "Uh. You good?" Virgil walked back up to him. "You look like you're going to shatter that glass."

"Um." Parker's mouth was dry as cotton. He tried to lick his lips, but there was no moisture. "I, ah, upset Logan. It was an accident."

"Ah. I'm sure it's fine," Virgil said. "Logan gets it."

Parker shrugged weakly. "He seemed really--really upset." He looked down at the floor. "...I think he's also still. Still upset about. Y'know. Everything."

Virgil considered that before he shrugged and nodded. "Yeah. Probably. I don't know if any of them really like--move past anything, you know?"

Parker looked at Virgil, feeling an uneasiness stirring in his stomach. "...yeah?"

"Yeah. We hold grudges. It's who we are. It's who Thomas is." Virgil shrugged. "It'll be alright. Don't worry too much."

Virgil slipped on his headphones and continued on his way. Parker stared after him, feeling his heartrate pick up in speed again. 

He looked forward and continued to his room. It was hard to breathe and he felt like he was going to pass out. He leaned against the door and let himself sink down to the ground. He breathed heavily and shut his eyes tightly. Breathe carefully. Count. Calm down. Parker's body wouldn't listen to any of his commands. He could only think of the fury in Logan's voice. The way he destroyed this precious thing that Logan loved. How he hurt Roman, and the blood that dripped into the sink. The stupid nightmare scene he'd thrown at Roman as punishment. All of their punishments, and how foolish he was, and how much he hurt them. They could never forgive him for that. Why would they ever forgive him?

Parker opened his eyes slowly and stared up at the ceiling. The mural was almost completed, full of colors and pretty shapes. He hadn't shown the full thing to any of the sides yet. It didn't matter anymore. They would never appreciate it. It was a hollow gesture. Parker just pretending that they were all happy, and they were accommodating him. They were afraid of him. If he got upset then he would hurt them again. Of course that's what they believed. It's why Roman wouldn't speak ill of him when he got hurt, why Logan didn't want to snap at him, why Patton just gave him that pitiful smile and tried to send him on his way. Only Virgil was honest with him. They all held grudges. Virgil held a grudge too. Parker was never actually going to be forgiven by any of them.

He stood up and walked over to the mural. He stared up at it, feeling sick the more he looked at it. He couldn't lie in bed and smile up at those shapes anymore. He couldn't act like it was an accurate reflection of any of this.

He picked up a can of black paint. Parker gritted his teeth and threw it up at the ceiling. The paint soared out of the can and splattered against the ceiling, smearing against all of the colors and leaving it a dripping stain of black. That's all that Parker was. He was making Thomas sad, he was harming the other sides. He was a horrible black stain that was consuming everything around him the longer he was around. He had to fix that.

[nochanchu]

something about her (and that damn crinkly-eyed smile)

pairing: park sooyoung x reader genre: best friends to lovers + fake dating au / romance, fluff wc: 1,708 author’s note: completely self-indulgent. simply a scene in which miss sooyoung asks you to be her fake girlfriend because of an ex that would not stop plaguing my mind.

An invitation from the one and only Park Sooyoung brings you to her apartment for what should have been a simple studying session, but truth be told, simple just isn’t in her vocabulary.  

Sooyoung is her own kind of whirlwind, one that you have had the most gracious opportunity to be swept up in. She isn’t problematic, per se, but she has had her fair share of shitty relationships and poor decision-making that has made you worry for her more often than not. 

Her previous partners have either been too little or too much, and her last relationship left her a little less like her usual self. Her sudden bouts of flings afterwards and late night calls to you confirmed that. 

Sooyoung wasn’t one to let the ends of relationships hurt her, at least not in this way, but she and Doyeon shared i-love-you’s and an entire summer together when they took back to back summer sessions together. Neither of which were Sooyoung’s forte, because she didn’t fall in love and she didn’t cohabitate with partners longer than a couple of evenings at a time.

Now, you’re certain she is even more adamant to keep these rules enforced as you see her phone light up with unsaved contacts. They were probably people she had met at the bar she worked at, because one glance at the screen earns the sender a distasteful click of her tongue and her attention is turned back to you instead of all the Chaucer poems you two are supposed to be transcribing for the upcoming midterm. 

“Question,” she says, letting her pencil sit back on the coffee table. 

To be fair though, you two have been deciphering the texts for the last hour and half, so a break does feel necessary.

“Answer,” you reply, feeling some satisfaction in hearing her snort. 

Naturally, her answer isn’t one you expect. It’s hard to say what you expect from her sometimes; one minute you can guess what’s on her mind, the next minute you have to wait for her to explain her thought process. “Wouldn’t it be fun to try a relationship out?”

Your eyebrows furrow, never once had the topic of a relationship with Sooyoung ever popped up in conversation until now. “What do you mean? Why—?”

“Just to try!” she says this with a shrug; to which you raise your eyebrow. 

“I don’t know. Haven’t you ever wondered what a relationship with me would be like?”

You chuckle. “You’re so full of yourself sometimes.”

Leave it to your best friend to present the somewhat taboo questions in life. Not that thinking of dating your best friend is the biggest taboo, which it isn’t, but leave it to her to ask it as if she were asking how your day was going. 

“But haven’t you?” she asks, glancing at you with an indiscernible look. You can’t decide whether she is trying to parse out a specific answer or if this is genuine curiosity, and even then, you don't know what would have compelled her to ask such a question. An inkling of a feeling tells you she has motives for it though.

You gulp; it’s still such a loaded question isn’t it? Your best friend, who is gorgeous, vivacious, and all too good for any of her previous partners, was asking you if you ever considered dating her? It’d be a lie to say no. Of course, you have. 

“Who hasn’t?” you blurt out, voice a little uneven. It feels like your heart might beat its way out of your chest.  

That catches her off guard just a little. 

“Wait, huh?”

“I just mean I think it’s a common thing for people to think of what dating their best friend is like,” you say carefully, each word chosen with care, because you find the real reason a little embarrassing. Sure, you’ve joked about being the real one that she needs in a relationship, but deep down, you mean it. 

“Is that the only reason?” she asks, not wholly convinced, and with a damn good reason. 

You nod, but you’re awful at half-truths. 

“I believe you’re missing the part where you tell me the whole truth.” 

It’s an opportunity to guffaw, at least to diffuse the situation, but it falls short in your throat. 

You know you have to admit the truth then. If you’re awful at half-truths, then you’re abso-fucking-lutely terrible with whole lies. You had tried it once, and only then, because she had caught you the moment you tried to say you were fine when an ex had broken up with you on the same day he had cheated on you with someone he told you not to worry about. She knew by looking at you and was just about ready to light his ass on fire had you not needed her then. 

But, to set things straight: you’re not in love with Park Sooyoung. Of all people, you know better than to let yourself fall in love with her. That’s asking for hurt. But wishing you could date her? Show her what a relationship should be for her? Yeah, you’ve thought of it on more than one occasion, and you tell her that. 

“I’ve thought about dating you,” you admit to her. “I’ve considered what it would be like, how I’d treat you better than half of those other people you’ve gone out with, because I think you deserve a million times better than any of those assholes. It’s embarrassing, I know, and you’re in no desire to get into another relationship, but yeah, I mean it. I’d date you if only for that reason.” 

“So you think you could make it convincing if we tried it?” she asks, tilting her head at you. 

“Huh?” This time it’s your turn to be thrown off guard. 

“Is this where you tell me what brought all of this on?” You can tell your cheeks are burning; while you’re used to being vulnerable with Sooyoung, you also don’t like to act as though you know what’s better for her. You know your own capabilities of what you can do and offer her, and you know that a real relationship for you two could spell inevitable trouble if things go sour, and the idea of jeopardizing that feels more unsettling than being exposed to your own whims of seeing your best friend happy. 

“Well, do you want to try being together then?” she says all of this without batting much of an eyelash. If anything, she seems amused more than anything else; over what exactly flies over your head as you feel your cheeks burning even hotter. 

You say her name, more so in warning than in a whine, but you can’t even tell if your voice is strong enough to come off intimidating with the way her eyes seem to crinkle with her smile. 

“Ah, c’mon,” she giggles, “you’re too cute when you’re trying to be serious, you know that?” 

You shake your head at her, pursing your lips. 

She exhales, leaning closer to you on the coffee table. It makes you hyper aware of both your positions. Somehow facing her with only this glass top table feels too intimate for you, like you two are entering uncharted territory, what with the confession in the air and now her sudden proposition. You never know what to expect with her. 

“I just--I’m sorry,” she tells you, with a quiver to her laugh. 

This time it’s your turn to tilt your head at her. “What’s going on?” you ask, none of the potential conclusions making much sense in your head. She didn’t suddenly awaken with the desire to be in a relationship, least of all with you. This feels similar to the time she had you accompany her to her aunt’s wedding for the sake of saving face when an ex of her blew her off at the last minute. 

“Doyeon started working at the bar.” 

“Oh--” you blink. “Are you alright?” 

“I’m managing,” she tells you with a less than convincing nod, “but I didn’t realize it would suck this much to see her again. She’s been coming around with her current plaything, because he can’t seem to leave her alone, and it just… sucks.” 

“Oh Sooyoung,” you sigh, reaching over to put your hand atop of hers. “Do you need me to be your hot best friend-turned-significant other?” 

She smiles, the crinkly-eyed one, that you consider rather contagious. 

“Maybe, yeah.” 

“She never did like me all that much,” you tell her. “She always looked like she wanted to murder me every time I came around.” 

Sooyoung leans in, as if to tell you a secret, and whispers, “She did. She thought you actually had the hots for me, and would eventually steal me away. Some dumb shit like that. I always told her you weren’t the homewrecking type.” 

“Of course, she felt threatened by me,” you snicker. “Well, if you need me to be your new plaything, I agree.” 

She rolls her eyes at you. “You’re not a plaything,” her tone is gentle, and she changes the position of your hands so she’s the one holding yours, “but I appreciate your acceptance to being my fake girlfriend.” 

“Of course,” you scoff playfully, “what else am I here for?” 

“Apparently, to show me what a good girlfriend is supposed to be,” she retorts, earning a squeak from you. 

“Shut up!” 

She laughs, still a rather pretty sound. “I appreciate that though, Y/N. You’re always looking out for me.” 

“I’d be a really shitty best friend if I didn’t want the best for you, you know. But, also, let me just say that I didn’t mean it to be prescriptive or whatever. I just want to see you happy.” And it’s true, that’s all you want for Sooyoung. She’s so headstrong and passionate; she loves wholeheartedly and knows what she wants; so, more than anything, you want her to have someone that can match that, or if anything, keep up with her and support her just as she should be in her endeavors. 

“Well, you make me happy,” she says with a smile. That same damn crinkly-eyed smile.

It makes your heart flutter, just a little. 

[lilithpooped]

Four Seasons - Joy

[parkersanders]

Just Other Years - Chapter Twenty

[Silence and Duality Chapter One]

First | Previous | Next

Warnings: N/A

Word Count: 835

A/N: Doing some serious reworking to the timeline I have set out, so hopefully future chapters will be longer than what I’ve been posting.

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“I heard about what happened with Roman,” said Virgil. He lingered in the doorway to Parker’s room, not quite going in; not quite wanting to set foot in his territory again.

Parker stared at Virgil for a minute, not entirely sure what to say. He gave a little shrug, eyes glancing away and back at the notebook where he had been writing down song lyrics. He closed it and shifted to sitting up more in bed and blinked in surprise when he found that Virgil had entered completely and sat at the foot of his bed.

Virgil didn’t say anything for a minute, just looking around the room before he settled on staring at the storybook on Parker’s desk. Finally, he murmured, “I know how it feels.”

After waiting for him to elaborate and receiving no answer, Parker started, “What-”

“Being a villain,” Virgil supplied, like he knew Parker didn’t know what he meant. “Being put into that role when you don’t want to be.”

Parker nodded slowly, searching his words carefully for the right thing to say. “You…You didn’t deserve that.”

Virgil shrugged. He rocked back, pulling his legs up to rest his feet on the mattress. “You didn’t either. Like…You were just a kid. You were forced in a really weird position. And that…sucks.” Virgil sighed and sat forward again, hunched over. “This is so weird.”

“I’m sorry-”

“Please stop apologizing for existing.” Virgil looked over at Parker. “I know what that feels like, and I know how much it sucks. And people try to act so carefully around you which only reminds you more about what you were and what they did, and it sucks. But apologizing won’t help anyone, okay? It’ll just make you feel bad.”

Parker swallowed down the additional apology that had formed on his tongue. He settled on saying, “I was a villain, though. Maybe not at first, but—but I was after. It wasn’t even that long ago.”

“You did bad stuff,” Virgil agreed. “And I’m still like, really angry at you, and it still really hurts. But…” Virgil sighed and rubbed his eyes with his sleeve. “But I was awful too, when I got out. It…It messes you up. And you were in there way longer than me, of course you would go more extreme. Doesn’t mean it was the right thing to do, but…I can understand it. And I can tell that you’re like, really trying and stuff.” He groaned and rubbed his face again. “This is so freakin’ hard, no wonder Roman slips up so much.” He huffed and finally looked at Parker fully, almost startling Parker with the sudden eye contact. “I’m just. Ready to start moving on.”

Parker was at a loss for words for a while. His hands curled around the sheets of the bed as he tried to steady himself. “You are?”

“I am,” Virgil promised. “It…hurts, being upset like this all the time. And if you’re really trying to change…I just want to try to learn to let go of that hurt.” He crossed his arms. “There are some things I just—I can’t forgive you for. Okay? And so, I don’t want you to keep apologizing for them. It’ll just be—It’ll be history. And I’ll feel awful about it sometimes. Just like you’ll feel awful about what happened to you sometimes. But we’re both gonna try to work past it and improve and—and all the kind of stuff the others want us to do.”

Parker chewed on the inside of his lip and he looked down at his lap. “Are you only doing this because the others are telling you too?”

Virgil let out a breath. He leaned back on his palms. “…yes and no? Like. They had to push me to do this. But I really do want it, after just thinking about it for a while. We both went through that hell, and I want us both to get better. I want to get better, for myself. So just—accept it, alright? I’m gonna do this whether you really want me to or not because it’s my own feelings and whatever.”

“Right.” Parker hesitated for a couple seconds. He finally let himself fall back onto his bed, landing against the mattress and his pillow with a little bounce. He stared up at the ceiling. It was still only half-painted, the colors swirling together. A tug at Parker’s heart desired to continue painting it.

“Y’know,” said Virgil, “you never think they will get better. But things are changing already. It can be hard to notice, but…it is.”

Parker nodded. “I know…I do see it. It’s just hard to believe that it’ll keep.”

“Well…maybe. But we aren’t going to go back to how we were before. You’re apart of Thomas, and we’ve been helping him learn to accept every part of himself. And now…that includes you, too.”

A warmth settles in Parker’s chest. Yeah…he is a part of Thomas. He’s officially a part of him again.

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((I don’t know if anyone is even still keeping up with this fic of mine so uh, if you wanna be on the tag list just let me know? Sorry for how sporadic this has been whooooops))