Imagine having a baby with Ford Pines. He’d come up the stairs from his study most days with some invention to improve a bottle or pacifier or something, and you wonder when he got his actual research done. He’d always try different locations for the baby to sleep and other clothing materials to see if they’d behave differently. You’d have to remind him they’re a baby, not a research experiment. But overall, he’d be an amazing and attentive father, even if he’s a quirky one.
Ford: Definitely intelligence. Nothing turns him on more than when you correct or prove him wrong about a topic he thought he knew everything about. Something that if anyone else were to do, he’d be highly annoyed.
Stan: he honestly doesn’t know. The weirdest shit turns him on, like you doing laundry or blow drying your hair, he was told the spontaneous erections would fade with his youth, and that was partly true. But with you, he finds himself just going about his day, and then he is filled with need for you just from witnessing a mundane task.
N = No (something they wouldn't do,
turn offs)
Ford: To be honest, I think he, unfortunately, would reel it in if you called him daddy. He just never identified with that and finds the connotations odd. He’d think about it way too literally.
Stan: do not touch his ass, please. He doesn’t even want to elaborate; if you ask him to, it makes him uncomfortable. You respect this, as there are many other, better things to do with him that he’d enthusiastically jump at. I don’t think he’d mind anal on you, though 😭
O = Oral (preference in giving or
receiving, skill, etc.)
Ford: Oh, brother, don’t get me started. Ford's general preference is to eat you out. He’ll spend a good while doing it, at least 20-30 minutes, building you up so that it's life-changing when you finally come on his face. Though that’s not saying, he’s against your lips around his shaft. It’s one of the only things that will make him really moan loudly.
Stan: Stan will NOT get his face between the legs of a girl he is not dating. He’s gotta know where that thing is going. But when he gets down there, you’re in for it ;) A bit hypocritical again because he doesn’t care where their mouth has been; he’ll take a blowjob within 15 minutes of meeting a woman.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow
and sensual? etc.)
Ford: Slow and steady wins the race, he says. But he’ll do a sprint at the end. The most sensual lay you’ll ever have.
Stan: very rough and speedy with it, rutting into you. You never mind it, though, as he’s good at it. And he always found a way to be romantic despite this.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies,
how often, etc.)
Ford: He makes his schedule and determines that he will take the free time to turn you out. He likes to take his time with you; usually, your foreplay lasts about an hour. He’s up in age, so a little time to get him going does wonders.
Stan: when he was younger, he would go crazy for fucking a girl he’d just met in a state he had just arrived at behind a bar for 10 minutes. And if you’re with him in his younger years, you get your fair share of that energy, trust me. But as he got older, he saw the value in long lovemaking sessions. He took his time with each curve and gave every inch special attention, something he could never do with those quickies. But even in his older years, his soul will leave his body if you quickly ride him while he’s pulled over in the Stan mobile. And he doesn't see that going away.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment?)
Ford: he wants to make you happy and is willing to try anything in the bedroom once. And you will have risky sex if you like it. But he can also place boundaries on what he really can’t be doing. He enjoys vanilla, mundane sex. And doesn’t see the appeal of fucking your lifelong partner in the Greasy’s Diner bathroom.
Stan: Again, he loved to experiment when he was younger, but now he likes to stick to what he knows. Which is a lot. But he also just wants to see you happy, and if it’s sexy, he’ll do it.
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they
go for? how long do they last?)
Ford: one, but there’s a good amount of foreplay. He likes to make you cum and warm you up before he fills you. And he makes that one round count, making you lose your mind in those 15 intense minutes.
Stan: he can still do at most two if you’re down. But he’ll be winded. If you’re with him when he’s younger, then he’s wild asf, having insane stamina.
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
Ford: he owns toys. But he prefers to make them and has only bought them to see the technology inside to replicate. When he makes his own, he can personalize precisely what will make you feel good, and he blows your mind every time. There’s a quality in his toys that you can’t get with store-bought ones, and you appreciate this luxury.
Stan: he never really owned toys and doesn’t see the appeal of a vibrator. He says it’s nothing he can’t do with his hands, and you can’t disagree. But if you wanted to experiment with one, he’d gladly oblige.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
Ford: he’s very sweet during sex and doesn’t like to hold your pleasure over you head. He just wants to make you feel good and associate him with that. But he’ll jokingly tease you if you’re overly eager, but he won’t hold out.
Stan: he will tease occasionally if he’s not desperate enough, though oftentimes, he is. But he’ll knowingly go painfully slow while removing your clothes and kissing down your body. But he’s just too lazy and needy for you to go past that.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what
sounds they make, etc.)
Ford: I wouldn’t say he’s loud, but he’s not quiet. And his noises are closer to soft whimpers and moans than grunts. Though he does occasionally let one of those out
Stan: he is very loud; I imagine a lot of dirty talk. But he groans and grunts like crazy, making it known how good you’re feeling for him.
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for
the character)
Ford: is constantly making little gadgets to make your life and hobbies easier. He unconsciously observes you because that’s what he does all day and applies that to whatever side project he’s working on
Stan: not even really a headcanon because it’s known this man is STRONG. But he lifts you with no problem and always does it. Like you’ll be doing your own thing, and he’ll lift you off your feet and bring you wherever, usually the bedroom 😉
X = X-ray (let's see what's going on
under those clothes)
Ford: very lean and chiseled from years of combat, and grey hair sprinkled everywhere. I imagine a little happy trail and well-trimmed but a good amount of curly hair around his dick.
Stan: has broad shoulders and a bit of a beer belly. He also has a lot of hair, especially on his chest and down his arms. He probably has unruly pubes but nothing anyone can’t get past.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex
drive?)
Ford: It was higher than he ever knew after he met you. He always was so interested (in the same way he was interested in anomalies and such) in the way couples were seemingly addicted to each other and couldn’t keep their hands off. While he only really thought about sex when he met a nice girl. But once he met you, he understood. He wanted to fuck you day and night and couldn’t get enough.
Stan: very high. He almost devours you when he isn’t able to have you for over 24 hours. It’s almost unnatural for a man of his age to be so sexually driven all the time, but the comments are never-ending. He’s always willing to take you to the bedroom…. Or the shower, or the car, or anywhere
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep
afterwards)
Ford: he doesn’t sleep a lot. So he usually gets you any amenities: tea, coffee, extra blankets, and a cuddle. But he usually likes to admire you sleeping naked on the sheets.
Stan: right after. Like a light. After he comes, he rolls over and maybe has the rest of his beer or a cigarette. But he usually pulls you onto his chest and knocks right out.
A/n - there is some freaky shit, you’ve been warned.
A = aftercare (what they like after sex)
Ford: He gets flustered after, often embarrassed of things he said or did in the heat of the moment. But that won’t stop him from wrapping his arms around you and cuddling you to sleep.
Stan: If it’s a one-night stand, I think he’s partial to leaving right after. Maybe a pat on the ass to say goodbye. But if he cares for you, he's all about aftercare. You often see him smirking after, cocky and proud of himself. He’ll almost always snap open a Pitt and light a cigarette, holding it to your mouth for a drag if you ask nicely.
B = body part (favorite body part of theirs and their partners)
Ford: He always says his brain, but if you say he’s annoying and cheated, he’ll give you his honest answer. Which is his chin; he never really thought about it until a girl from BMU said he had the perfect mouth and chin to sit on, which had him blushing every time he thought about it for weeks. And yes. All the girls there were that forward. So suffice to say, he got his fair share of pussy there. And he never minded his smile; he liked how you could always tell him and Stanley apart from their smiles. And you can’t disagree with any of this :)
Stan: His arms. When he hit puberty, he barely noticed and disliked the broad shoulders and big arms he was developing. It's just another thing for people to pick on him for. But one day, when he and Ford were next to each other in the mirror, Ford said something about, “How are we genetically identical, yet you’re the one who got dad’s arms?” Ever since he didn’t seem to mind them.
C = Cum (where they like to cum ofc 😋)
Ford: Inside of you. All day. Every day. Not literally, of course. Or maybe…? He doesn’t know. What he knows is that all day every day, his brain is wracked with thoughts about stressful and dire shit he can’t control one bit… but when he fills you up, it’s like a switch is flipped that turns all of that off, and he’s just with you.
Stan: Tits, ass, face. The man isn’t picky as long as he gets to cum on you while looking right at you.
D = dirty secret (a dirty secret obviously)
Ford: This man steals your fucking panties. Used ones, too. You’ve found the panties you thought went missing accidentally left in his pocket while doing laundry. You playfully scolded him while slapping his arm with them, calling him a dirty old man. But you let up a bit because he was so cute when he got embarrassed about it, turning bright red and chuckling.
Stan: takes Polaroids of you sleeping after sex… he thinks it’s normal enough. He keeps them in his bedside table, and depending on how long you last, you will go for years oblivious to such photos.
E = experience (how experienced are they?)
Ford: experienced enough to make you feel great. I mean, he went to Backupsmore… I feel like they get freaky, but not Ford. Was definitely a virgin until college, but had his fair share of fun when he got there. One time took notes while watching an orgy. He had so many questions… not many were answered.
Stan: very experienced. When he was hopping from state to state trying out his brands, he was also trying out the women; he can't tell you how many times he'd got blown and ridden in the stan mobile... and he didn’t mind it.
F = favorite position (this goes without saying)
Ford: good ol’ fashioned missionary for Fordsy over here. He could give you love bites all down your body in that position for hours and probably will
Stan: doggy. He wants to pull your hair and pull your ass onto him. He’ll never get enough of watching his cock disappear inside of you, and that’s something you’ll just have to come to terms with ;)
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
Ford: Serious, he’s not thinking enough to joke around. He’s in a primal headspace where even if you made a joke, he’d just groan and shrug it off, getting back to work.
Stan: it depends on the vibe you’re giving off. If he feels like you’re being more playful, he’ll naturally act that way.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
Ford hasn’t even thought about it; he’s clean. And yes, absolutely, he’s grey all the way. If you do mention you don’t like his body hair, it will reward you with his most embarrassed and distraught look, but he’ll trim it up without a second thought.
Stan: He knows he has a lot of hair, don’t mention it. Around his 40s, he just stopped fucking caring. He thinks it was the shoulder hair that did him in.
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
Ford: as intimate as you can imagine. He doesn’t just fuck Willy Nilly. He only gets into bed with someone he cares for. So there’s a lot of kissing and sweet talk from him, an ‘I love you’ every 30 seconds if you’ve said that to each other.
Stan: Again, it entirely depends on who he's with. If it’s more of a one-night stand, he’ll get a bit scared off if you’re too romantic. But if you’re together… you’re in for it.
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
Ford: He does it to keep a straight head when he’s alone, without you, but overall, when he’s with you, he feels no need to do all that.
Stan: partook in it a lot when he was on the road, not in a way he ever did before. He did it not to think. But that was before you. When he’s away from you, he finds himself doing it while thinking about you, drifting into a fantasy where you are touching him.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
Ford: He hates to say it, but breeding. He can’t get enough of the primal feeling of cuming inside of you… and you don’t mind either.
Stan: cuffs. Maybe it’s all the times he’s been in them that it turns him on to be the one putting them on and deciding when they come off. (Of course, if you asked to get out, he’d do it readily)
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
Ford: He really quite enjoys the routine that may seem mundane to some, such as getting into bed with you each night and making love with you after a long day.
Stan: again, he doesn’t mind fucking in his car; in fact, he loves it. His seats go wayyyy back, too ;)
Soft kisses land on my neck, and the lower half of his body rises and sinks into me. A slow and tender motion, making me whimper every time he falls and meets my skin.
A/n This is a 2020 rewrite ;) Enjoy :) Thank you sm to everyone who has added the story to the reading list and supported me through my sabbatical
The camera follows us as we walk down the hotel hallway to our room. We're a bit drunk and laugh a lot at stupid things. I almost can't breathe because of his silly comment when he pulled out the door key. I let out a string of hums as the door swung open. The camera follows us in. Jim turns around and motions for them to leave. They step out, and I walk into the room. I shut the door behind us.
He touches my shoulder in a manner I didn't expect, slowly feeling it and letting go to continue walking. I'm very excited this time, like the first time we did it. I walk over to him to kiss him, but he picks me up and pins me to the wall. I feel myself get wet just looking him in the eye. He looks me up and down in a somewhat purposely degrading way. I give him puppy dog eyes, and he adjusts me to stabilize me. His soft lips touch mine and slowly move; I lose myself in them
'God, this night is ours. Ours to never think about her again.'
He slowly grinds on me, and his effect on me is embarrassing. Every time he rubs up against me, I have to roll my eyes back and curl my toes not to moan. He gives one more, and I try to stop my legs from shaking as best as I can, but I'm in pure bliss as I reach my high. I stop kissing momentarily and pull the hair on the nape of his neck. He can never know, though, because it's humiliating how that finished me. But he doesn't notice and keeps going, driving me crazy. I start kissing back again as I calm down. He lets me down, and I almost fall. he walks over to the bed, and I drool over his silhouette. I swiftly step over to the bed as well. He looks down at me and lifts my chin. I now have a unique angle on him. His face is straight, and he's looking down at me. He touches my shoulder again and pushes me down to my knees. My breathing hitches as he undoes his belt.
"Get your shirt off too." I do so as his pants slide down his legs. I try to hide my smile because he'll make fun of me. I pull down his boxers, revealing him. He unbuttons his shirt as he gets excited. I wrap my hand around it, and it's warm in my palm. I gently put my lips around the tip before sliding them off; he rolls his eyes back. I lick it a bit and give it some attention. I look up, and he's screwing his eyes shut and biting his lip, struggling not to move, probably because of the direct stimulation. I decide to stop torturing him and just throat him. I got him to moan. I look up again, and he's embarrassed; he pushes my head back down. I hold in laughter. It was so hot, though. He's vocal with words rather than moans. But I'm the other way around.
The only words I can remember ever saying during sex with him unprovoked were, 'Jim, right there!' it was the first time we were together, and he went on and on. The more I moaned, the more he added to the answer.
Other than words of encouragement like 'yes' and 'harder,' I moan.
'Aw, this the first time you've gotten good dick?'
'That's right, take it.'
'Don't fake it, don't do any of that porn shit' I didn't have to fake it.
He runs his hands through my hair and then wipes my tears-stained cheeks. There he goes again, with words
"I like it when you cry like this." I struggle to catch my breath as he looks down at me.
"Why didn't you finish?" I ask, and he lifts me from my knees. He proceeds to start unbuckling my belt. He kisses up my neck, gets to my ear, and whispers.
"Because I'm gonna fuck you" those words make me melt. His tongue on my neck, his hands working on my clothes, and him leading me to the bed. He lifts me from my underarms, getting me level with his head. He lifts his leg by bending his knee and placing it on the foot of the bed. It's swift, and before I know it, he's on top of me on the bed. I take a breath from his lips to unhook my bra. When I do, I see his eyes closed, and to keep his lips occupied, he mindlessly drifts to my stomach. He finds himself going lower and lower, not being able to resist. He knows I feel insecure with him doing that to me... But this is somehow so persuasive.
He slowly pulls down my panties and reaches up to rub my tits. I awkwardly giggle and try telling myself to resist, but I can't. I bite my lip as his hands slide to my inner thighs and pull them open. He takes his thumb and rubs my entrance; he slides up and finds the most sensitive part of my clit. Just the slight pressure made me cringe. He started rubbing, and I shot my hands to his.
"Jim," he stops; he knew what he was doing. He laughs. He tongues it a bit, and I bite my lip. It's very intense but friendly. I roll my eyes back as he licks me open. I repeat his name, now in a different tone. I'm unwinding, and he looks up. I immediately start acting all pretty for him. He sort of senses my bullshit and starts going faster. I arch my back and grip the bedsheets, about to cry. he smiles into the licks and laughs a bit. I move my hands to his hair and start to shake a bit. He goes in one repeating motion until I reach my high.
I throw my head back, and my vision blurs. My mouth is open, and I'm not making any noise. I'm shaking while slowly moving my legs around, bending, and straightening them.
After I'm done, he slides his hands to my shoulders, hovers over me, and kisses my cheek. He smiles into the kiss. The kisses trail to my neck, and my mouth slightly parted. He runs his hands through my hair to let me calm down.
He pushes the tip against me; it doesn't go in without much pressure, so it's kind of like a warning.
"Can I?" He asks, and I nod aggressively, putting my hand on his lower back and pushing slightly. He gets the hint and slowly enters. He thrusts in and out slowly.
Soft kisses land on my neck, and the lower half of his body rises and sinks into me. A slow and tender motion, making me whimper every time he falls and meets my skin.
"Harder," I quietly whisper, and he delivers. I let out a closed-mouth squeak at the first hard thrust. His eyes are still closed, kissing my neck. I wonder if he's thinking about anything. This is when he sits up and takes my legs. He puts them over his shoulders while his eyes roll back a bit. It looks like his soul comes back to his body when he looks down at me with a sort of death stare; whatever it is, it's turning me the fuck on. I'm starting to lose my mind under his control. He smiles and puts his middle and forefinger in my mouth. I moan again.
"You like that, baby?" he asks seductively, and I curve my eyebrows and nod. "Okay, then say thank you?" he demands, and I tear up a bit from how hard and fast he's going.
"Thank you," I slur the words because his fingers are in my mouth.
"Good girl," he rewards, and I start to get stiff due to the knot in my stomach. I widen my eyes and look at him; he smiles and starts going harder than ever. He watches as my eyes roll to the back of my head "cum for me, baby" I begin to have convulsions when he cums, and I shake at the sensation. I relax, and he falls on top of me. He pulls out, and I get up to pee.
He follows behind me and hugs my shoulders from behind. I turn my head, and he kisses me. He starts the shower and leads me in after it gets hot. I reach up to his neck and pull him down for a kiss. I try to get more aggressive with it so he gets the idea. Before I know it, I'm being spun around so my back faces him. He pulls me against him with one hand on my waist and one on my neck; I'm always amazed at how hard he can get back to back because I can feel him against my ass right now.
"You want it?" I try to nod, and he chuckles a little. He immediately slides in and starts thrusting, using the placement of his hands for support and the water as a lubricant. No matter how often I feel him, it's always like heaven. The skin slapping is the only thing filling my ears other than:
"Is that good for you?"
"Mmm, you can't even speak"
"Aw, you want more?"
"Needy slut"
꧁꧂
Jim's pov:
Her eyes are closed, and she's lying on my chest. She stays still and winces a bit when she moves. I get worried.
"I didn't hurt you, did I?" I ask, concerned. She opens her tired eyes and shakes her head.
"No, just sore."
"Sorry," I say and rub her abdomen. She looks up and smiles before drifting to sleep.
My eyes slowly open to see her face. She's sound asleep and now lying on top of me. Her breathing on my neck relaxed and could put me back to sleep immediately. She smells like fresh-picked flowers, making me close my eyes and try to stop the thoughts. 'You don't wish it was her,' I think.
"y/n," I whisper. Her eyes flutter open, and her lips form a smile. I run my fingers through her hair. Her eyes close again, and she hugs me tighter. I tap her back and speak. "Come on, we need to get ready, baby," I say softly and sweetly when she kisses me. I smile and move my lips to hers. My hands are on her face as she gets lost in my lips. She bites my bottom lip and then gives it a peck. I'm just melting. I gently pull away, and she whines a tiny bit. Her head falls back on my chest
"But I just want to stay here with you." She whimpers a bit, and I rub her back.
"I know," I say, and she looks up at me with lust. "But we have interviews." I let her down, and she groans while sitting up, and I laugh.
"I'll go get us breakfast," she says softly while walking to her bag. She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.
"You sure?" I ask while stretching and getting up.
"Of course," she says while getting her clothes out. Once she stands back up, I give her a wrap-around hug from behind. She giggles.
"You have the cutest laugh," I say, and she blushes. "What are you in the mood to eat?" she whispers. I kiss her cheek and huskily flirt with her.
"You," she playfully scoffs as I kiss her ear.
"you know I love you, but I'm starving, and we just showered before we went to sleep last night," she contradicts. I breathe through my nose and continue the small kisses, making my hands tender. I can feel her temptation.
"Can we mess around just a little?" I ask in an animated, whiny voice while swaying. She turns around and kisses me. "I don't want to be all sore again." I laugh and let her go.
"I'm kind of in the mood for a croissant," I say, and she nods. We get dressed, and she leaves to get food.
I collapse on the bed and think. 'Jesus fucking Christ, man, you're with a woman who's treated you the best out of everyone you've been with, and you still miss her?!' I'm a terrible person.
꧁꧂
She walks in the door, and I smile at her.
"Luckily for you, they had one croissant left," she looks at me. You look so handsome," she kisses my freshly shaved cheek. She hands me the croissant in the box.
"Thank you, baby," I whisper, and she lays down. I turn and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "Tired?" I ask, and she nods with tired eyes and yawns.
"You wore me out last night," she says softly, and I laugh and crawl over her. She plays with my tie, rolling it between her fingers.
"Is it bad that I like that? I feel like it gives me power," I tell, and she grins.
"Not at all." She pulls me in for a kiss by my tie, and I roam my hands on her. She pushes my chest away. "I'm hungry," she whispers with a smile; she's so beautiful. I move off of her, and she gets her bagel. We eat and get ready for our interviews. The perfect night, followed by an ideal day
A/n ty for reading :) Thank you to everyone who has added the story to the reading list and supported me through my sabbatical
