4-8-2015 Yup. Here we go again.
Things I want to say before I go on this already written rant.
* Happy Birthday to my mother last March 25th. I miss you very dearly and I didn’t get to write about you... I’ve been feeling this guilt for not doing so this is why I’m sitting here at this computer right now. Writing everything down from my brain. And you know what, I thank you for reminding me mama. I needed this to write this down. All of it. I feel much better now.*
*I thank God for each and every day as I continue to live my life on this Earth. I don’t ever say it enough and I feel it’s important for me to make that known.*
*Again, thank you fam.... For sticking with me and supporting me, checking up on me. Everything you've done for me. Definitely a blessing to have.*
*To my girlfriend, because I don’t tell her I love her enough. I really don’t. And man that’s so messed up. I love you (i’ll let you know when you come back from work =).*
Now...
I think it's finally safe to say...
I start my new job on the 20th. =D!!!!!
Lately I haven't really had much to say. Usually I have a load of things on my mind that I'd like to share with the world. Serious matters. Or at least things I happily hold close to my heart. But recently I haven't felt I've expressed those moments very well to anyone. These last few months have felt stagnant... Like things have been robotic for me.
I'm sure that it just comes with the territory after college graduation and the job search and every other little thing life has to "serve" on your platter. For me, I've taken it all in and eaten that all up.
Unfortunately, it hasn't been as pleasant an experience as I would have hoped. I ate it all up alright. But not in a pleasant, AYCE Sushi/KBBQ delicious surprise sorta way. More like a College Freshman who eats Ramen Noodles all night long... and then Louis CK's it and then stuffs their miserable life with Cinnabon all day to pretend like their's still fun things to go around (but you know it sucks lolol).
The things is... I'm perfectly fine with life's obstacles... the challenges it brings. Everyone goes through it. The "process" that's involved in getting where you want to go is so crucial and it should be something you take on with confidence each step of the way. You look up to successful figures, knowing that there is someone out there willing to overcome the challenges and take on the long journey ahead of them. And man it's hard. It's enduring.
For me, I'm appreciative in the fact that I can go on record and catch myself losing track of where I am in the process. Just like everybody else, I wanna grow. In everything I do, I'd like to see me flourish as a successful individual in this world, for the world. But there are times where negativity sets in. I become discouraged, depressed, angry, lazy. I've learned to give up and "settle".
And in doing so there is one thing that I've lost along the way that brings everything back to life for me. I miss exploration. I miss discovering things for the first time. Somehow I've come to this mentality that everything I've done up to graduation is enough only to achieve "THIS". That's a big No-No. Like forreal. Lol.
I'm slowly learning that there are no boundaries or criteria that determine or define your life. No job, no salary, no value of responsibility, nothing. The moment you start comparing your career to the value of your own WORTH in society, is the moment you lose sight on everything good for you; what needs to be done and what you can actually do. All the fun in life gets sucked right out of you. You're moving but your lifeless.
Don't ever compare the two. Don't let yourself ruin your happiness and ability to dream. Be positive. Explore and dream adventurously! That excitement you have on the first day of College, of HighSchool, of School in general, KEEP THAT. You need that. It's a hunger you need to keep in order to make things SWEET. Stay fired up!
You don't ever stop growing UNLESS you tell yourself too. Otherwise, life gets boring, no matter what type of support system you have. It's up to you to make it fun.
I’ma cut it here.
-JR Ancheta
