The more time I spend in this fandom the more I forget how fucking terrifying Sangwoo is.
LIKE, just going back and reading the first few chapters is a SHOCK.
Like Jesus, the recent chapters are terrible with the mind games but this is him being more tame and manipulative.
JUST LOOK AT CHAPTER 5
He fucking runs his huge ass hand down Bum’s throat and forces him to drink rat poison. RAT POISON
This bitch knew something was up with the stew when Bum was sweating bullets and didn’t want to eat a bite. HE KNEW
Look at the frames!! He’s all smiling with no eyes while threatening Bum. Holy shit
I stg I’m going to make a long ass post about chapter 5 but not right now.
I’m just shook y'all
Fandom Sangwoo is all #angles and cutesy knives when the real deal is a smiling psychopath who straight up beats the shit out of this tiny dude he decided he wanted as his pet/mom.
This is a huge and very colorful vent so please don’t read it unless you want to know way to much about me...
Jesus it felt so good to write
I broke up with you in august when you cheated on me. Why couldn't you wait another 2 weeks for me to come back to Albuquerque? Because you're a dick who exclusively thinks with his dick, but that's alright.
I put you out of my life and haven't talked to you since September so why won't you leave me alone?? We only knew each other for like 5 months and were only together for like 3. It didn't work out and you weren't a big part of my life.
Since I stopped opening your messages you've sent me snapchats on a weekly basis and even tried to messages me on tinder. You can tell when someone's opened your snap, so why didn't you stop sending them after the 20th attempt?
You said you would be moving to Arizona soon, our relationship had a timer from the start because you were a 'rolling stone' and I was, and am, still working on a degree. So did you go? I don't think you did because I would hope if you were in another state you would leave me alone...
I know I've been a coward. I should look at your messages or outright block you on every platform so I never have to see your name again.. But I still have feelings for you. I know it's stupid after the shit you put me through but you were one of the brightest flashes of joy in my life. When I hear people say good things don't last I believe them now.
You were my first and only boyfriend, the only man I let get close enough to touch my heart, the reason I still call myself pansexual. You made me feel like it was alright to be a woman for a short while, that it was alright to have a lumpy stomach and laugh too loud and say corny things for reason other than I was happy.
So I put aside bettering myself, or trying to understand my gender, and just existed. It felt so good to not think, to just let myself be and be with you.... it wasn't really healthy though. I know you did the same. You put off finding a job so you could spend more time with me, you drove a car on gas from the little bit of food money you had saved and expired tags, and you gave me every second of your time when I was free. It was an obsession for both of us. Looking back on it now it's clearer for me to see how much you needed my light, I was young and energetic and I indulged your fantasies.
I'm still basically the same person, but I've had to mature a lot these past 6 months and focus on myself. I'm bipolar, and I'm beginning to think our whole affair was a big mania episode. I'm finally stable and I'm starting to understand that the intense high I felt when I was with you wasn't normal. I was so impulsive with my heart and risky about birth control (because you convinced me we didn't need condoms). God, I could have destroyed my future and I barely thought of it at the time because you were my world.
When I left town for the summer I had a terrible feeling of doom. I drank 6 glasses of tequila with nothing but ice and smuggled enough acid through an airport to be locked in a federal prison. It was incredibly stupid and I am once again amazed at how unstable I was at the time. (Also how the fuck did I make it onto that plane, I barely remember walking though the airport)
I did it because saying goodbye to you felt impossible. It was only going to be for a short while, and we agreed it would be fine for us to hook up with other people while we were apart. We stayed in touch endlessly texting and snapchatting all summer, but then I saw you post pictures with her on your snap story and facebook. We had one rule, don't start dating someone else. When I came back in town I didn't want to see you. I just wanted to try and forget but you wouldn't leave me be.
"I don't love her like I love you."
"When I see your face my heart feels like it's going to burst."
"I'll probably leave her soon, will you stay in touch with me?"
"I still love you."
"Please"
(I still think about that awkward hug in the parking lot when you ambushed me as I tried to move back into my dorm.)
I told you that I wouldn't be a home wrecker and seeing as she clearly cared for you enough to help you find a job and spend hours in your tiny house, she didn't deserve to be thrown aside. Maybe that's why you started messaging me again, you two broke up and you were still hopeful you could get me back. So this is where we're at now.
I'm planning for my career and you're fucking off somewhere still trying to talk to someone who broke up with you half a year ago. I hope you're surviving but also fuck you.
Fuck you for letting me be so goddamn stupid. You're like 8 years older than me, you should have been the mature one. But of course you weren't. You're just a loser who stole my heart and you need to move on.
Yes, I think a part of me still cares about you, but that part is only big enough to tell you to fuck off so you can get on with your life. In summary, please leave me alone. I would bet hard cash that the video snap you sent me Monday morning at 3 am was either of you jacking off or crying.
