i wonder if my goyish friends would understand the sheer dread in the pit of my stomach when i saw this.
how many jews have been killed now?
who else wants me dead?
how will people (who i once thought would be friends, who i marched alongside, who i trusted) justify my death?
when will i need to flee?
i wonder if i should explain it to them. i think they would trust me. (i hope they would trust me.) maybe i could help them not fall into the pit of hatred of jews (are they already in the pit? would they want me dead? my cousin who goes to camp in israel every year? my great aunt who made aliyah?) but i don't want to do that. it's tiring. it's exhausting. and it's even harder when it's not faceless icons on a screen, but people i care about, who i value.
i wonder if i knew any of the dead. if i knew someone who knew any of the dead. i wonder if there are any dead. i wonder if it's just someone saying there should be dead. i wonder when that became a "just". i wonder if i'll need to flee to israel. i wonder when i'll need to flee to israel. i wonder if i will flee to israel. i wonder how they'll go about killing us. i wonder if they'll use all the inventions of modernity, i wonder if there will be parking lots like there were at auschwitz. i wonder if there will be death camps or just pogroms. i wonder if we'll be allowed to call them pogroms, or if we'll be accused of exaggerating, of lying for secret jew purposes.
i wonder what those secret jew purposes would even be. survival? being able to pray in peace? what is our secret nefarious goal, our hidden aim?
having goyish friends understand the dread in the pit of our stomachs when we see that jumblr is trending?














