A soft brush against the face. // julie x valak
the sun that shined through seoul was different from the one in l.a., it was cozier like it was happy to welcome her back. the thirteen hours of flight from last night were still catching up to her senses that she was home. i mean -- she loved spending time with her mother’s family, america was the perfect place to understand her feelings, to forget and forgive some of the most tragic things that had happened to her in the past year. and although what she feared the most a couple of weeks before coming back was the inevitable confrontation, she knew that the minute those thoughts were gone, the easier it would be to live it better. julie didn’t give valak a warning of when she was coming back, nor did she text him before suddenly appearing on their doorstep. it was not like she wanted it to be a surprise, she didn’t really want anything out of it really -- just maybe to be closer to him again. she missed him terribly. it was not a sentiment of belonging or tenderness, or just out of love and affection, actually, it was painful more than anything. the days before finally buying a ticket back she ate all her nails, because although questions filled her mind of how was he copying -- she knew he wasn’t going to tell her straight, but she was glad she could obtain information through his sister and father whenever she needed -- and god knows that wasn’t easy on both of them, julie was just ready to spend time with him again. it ached her not to wake up to his face anymore, not to hear his laugh, to fill his warm hands filled with rings through her skin, she craved his upfront idea of life, his soul, his chaotic remarks that were so clouded by the judgment of the fact that he was still inside kind of a lost child that found comfort in music, people and well… her. to know that all of his spirits were destroyed by her selfishness was a thought she couldn’t cope with at the least. but that wasn’t the reason she was coming back. it wasn’t to aid him, to rescue them, or overall to fix something that broke in their relationship a while before she left. it was about time, comprehension, and solace. she wanted to find her peace again in the gap of his neck, in the softness of his hair and the good, goofy, and upstage attitude of his words. there was no other reason other than the fact she couldn’t stand being alone anymore, her family did love her and treated her with enough kindness, los angeles was big, bright but also with time it became hollow so that’s when she knew her home was calling her name again -- like she expected it to. julie carried three luggage with her stuff alone from the airport to their house, one thing she was proud of despite the great care of her relatives was how much she looked after herself for the first time in a while. the first days of her stay in her mother’s and stepfather’s house were filled with depression, she was locked inside the guest room for quite a while. but after much insistence of her cousin, she finally started going out, her nephews were lovely kids that wanted to play and show her everything. it was almost ironic how most of her feelings were collapsed by wanting to bring a child to this world, when the ones already in it were so kind to her, without knowing they were capable of helping through simple moments of daily life. julie visited the beach, the mall, went on long drives with stepdad, played in the rain, made sentimental music, watched many too tv shows, grocery shopped a lot, looked after her nephews, and even went to an amusement park last weekend. to say the least, it was a time of her life she was never gonna forget. she wasn’t exactly a new person but she did grasp a few traits of her family that she thought she lost after such a long time. while she was waiting at the door after ringing a few times with the indecision of calling her husband or not, her phone vibrated with texts from her mother asking if she arrived safely. after replying with a few hearts emoji and a yes, she decided to go to her next help in the neighborhood: her father-in-law. the so messed up, kind, and a diligent stranger she had ever had the pleasure to meet. despite everything he was, valak had much more of yijung than he could tell. she knew how much they meant for each other and whenever she was having difficult times, he was there for her as well. she never exactly knew if he actually approved of their union, but he wasn’t exactly numb, rude, or even off about them. it almost as if it were natural like they three knew each other for years and so they could count on barbecue days, pool parties, weed-smoking Wednesday, and just general routine things that only worked for them. dividing her attention from her house to yijung’s was a weird feeling on the stomach, she didn’t wanna look too much at that neighborhood despite it welcoming her as her home, there was just too much buried yet. perhaps it was because she didn’t look too much at her surroundings or because she was lost in thought -- julie almost didn’t notice valak leaving his father’s house at a slow pace, stopping the minute he looked at her ghost faced wife just a few paces away. planning wasn’t something she had done for now, no. she didn’t want to because plans according to her past life decisions never go as smoothly. so there they were for a while, looking at each other or more -- staring at their souls. it wasn’t a movie where time stops and they stay, thinking ‘hell, now everything is fine’ and the scene cuts to credits. that because her mind was racing, almost panicking and if it wasn’t for his sheer attitude of being, then maybe she would never have moved to him at all. the black hair boy was looking like a boy, skinny, troubled, and something between soothing and sleepy. the sun that covered all over the planet earth wasn’t enough to shield them both at once, but it was melting their interior at ease. ‘ hey! ’ she yelled, too much, so that’s why she tried smiling awkwardly but it only came out as confidence, something she needed and something she always was. ‘ do you happen to know if anyone still lives in this burndown? ’ despite her soul aching to feel his, the straight-up desire to jump back into his arms -- that she knew where going to catch her as if she never left -- and everything from a few months back that surrounded them as if they were never gonna be the same again, julie was still herself. naturally pointing at their door, arching an eyebrow at him before leaving her luggage alone and moving towards him like he was her safety blanket all over again. ‘ you know? the guy wears all black, fine jewelry, head up his ass, a little smelly, but if i dare to say… kinda hot, hm.’ she whispered the last part, rolling her eyes and finally making it to be in front of him. like glass breaking and existing on earth to up a billion years, that’s how julie felt being examined by those eyes. ‘ if you do see him, ’ starting the fire was easy, but it didn’t seem like it anymore. no, not anymore. was she holding back tears? you couldn’t tell. julie grasped her hand to finally touch his face with whatever felt like she wanted to do because she wasn’t the type of bitch that would back down. fuck confrontation. him, him, him -- her mind was working like that, something that she most definitely did not expect to. feeling the skin in his cheeks for a couple of seconds broke her even more, but it was worth the risk. finally, she had something to live for again, she found that her, he, and whatever future wanted to throw at them was just the least she could expect of something so big. her cold fingers didn’t stay for long, not regretting but feeling his reaction more than anything. she didn’t wanna cringe more of what was already hard to deal with, but she couldn’t hold back her urge when she said: ‘ tell him his bitchy wife is here.’
