A little canonverse piece for June’s theme - “it’s our secret” for the @eruri-of-the-month.
They’re high up in the trees. It’s past midday and they can still feel the thumping of the ground below them, they can hear the bark being torn with giant fleshy fingers. It’s only them, him and Erwin awake at this point.
It is not a wonder the rest have fallen asleep almost instantly even in the brightness of the day that seems longer for some reason, maybe because of the monotone riding through the night, maybe because of the sun bearing down on them from the cloudless sky. They have advanced a distance far longer than they have planned. Or at least longer than the others had in mind. He is quite sure Erwin had planned to go this far and further.
Levi leans his head against the tree trunk, giving Erwin a quick once over. He is utterly exhausted, his eyes closing for longer and longer yet he still seems to be deep in thought. He looks almost upset, like he is having an argument with himself. His fingers keep tracing the loosened straps of the ODM gear on his thigh absentmindedly, pressing a finger under one of the straps, once, twice, until he comes to and pulls his hand away to stop teasing the sores under his clothes. Probably to keep himself awake.
“It’s not long to the next outpost,” Levi says to the man and the frown on his face quickly transforms.
“Only an hour or so,” Erwin says, crossing his hands against his sides and leaning into the tree behind him. “I miscalculated the distance.”
Levi nods, looking out into the distance. It seems ridiculous to him how Erwin has to speak his mistakes out loud to make sense of them.
“You’re probably the only one of us who wouldn’t have minded going further.”
He remembers the look on Erwin’s face when Shadis called for them to head for the trees after the left flank spotted their third cluster of titans. They had left nearly two days ago, at nightfall and Erwin has not slept since. It bothers Levi more than he can outwardly snipe at Erwin and he knows he would be fighting a lost battle with the man about it if he spoke out.
Erwin is quiet. Levi glances at him and sees his eyes have fallen shut.
“Figures,” he scoffs quietly but Erwin opens his eyes against the effort.
“Your eyes are bloody. Get some sleep,” he tries but Erwin shakes himself awake at his words and Levi sighs, pulling out his knife from its holster along with a rag he keeps wrapped around his wrist. He wipes the blade once before starting on the handle. “You know… your honour won’t be gone if you give even the smallest indication of wanting to stay alive.”
“I’m not picking you up off the ground when you fall off your horse,” Levi says, louder this time. Erwin seems to struggle with his eyes a bit longer before finally nodding and slumping against the tree.
He doesn’t have the heart to wake Erwin up until a few hours later when the others start to stir. Levi jumps down onto Erwin’s branch, jolting the man awake from his sleep.
“Are the horses ready?” the man asks him, pulling the ropes around his waist loose hurriedly.
Levi sees the fatigue better on the man’s face now that he’s closer to him. He offers Erwin his hand and pulls him upright, giving him a long look.
“Mike’s gone to get them,” Levi says, his eyes following Erwin’s hands that move to wipe his clothes, hair and face back into shape. He clears his throat, feeling suddenly angry at the pretence; the primping against the sleeping. “Can I have a word?”
Erwin meets his eyes briefly, his expression steadying instantly. “Of course.”
Levi leads them further from the rest of the troops who are maneuvering closer to the whistling from Mike. He takes a couple of steps away from Erwin as he jumps the last distance behind him with a heavy thump and hears the man speak before he has time to turn.
“I should not have let you keep guard by yourself.”
“Cut the shit,” Levi says facing Erwin. “I know the hours you sleep. You hadn’t slept in two days. No one can keep going at that rate.”
Erwin sighs and readies his ODM to go. “If this was all–”
It happens so fast, Levi doesn’t even realise what he’s done before he finds himself pressing his knife against Erwin’s thigh, his other hand coming up to choke the man. “You think again. You think all those times you’ve told me to switch my blades or fill my tanks or retreat are lost on me? I know what this is, Erwin. It’s time you listen to me and do what I tell you.”
Erwin tries to pull away from the contact, his face masked in a frown, his throat bobbing as he speaks. “Let go of me.”
Levi snorts, looking at the man, his angular face all shadows. “You can’t fight me, Erwin.”
It takes a moment, a prick at the skin of Erwin’s thigh before the man finally relaxes under his touch and lifts his empty hands. They’re both breathless, puffing out hungry gusts of air. “I’m unarmed. You’re attacking your superior.”
“You’re the brains. Do you really think you can keep that up?” Levi says, ready with the anger that Erwin’s indifference brings out in him. He can see the man avoiding his gaze but he wants Erwin to see him, to see what he’s saying. He pulls the blade back and locks Erwin’s quick arms under his grip that surrenders to no one. “Look at me.”
It catches Levi off guard. There’s sadness but the lines around his eyes soften at the lack of tension, his lips grow fuller without the severity his words are ready to call out and his gaze lingers on Levi a moment longer than he ever wished. But he’s already looking away, pulling away and Levi realises his grip isn’t as strong as he can muster now. And how could Levi give Erwin pain in response to the glimpse of truth and freedom he held between them for that moment?
“We should go,” the man says, softer, letting his hand brush against Levi’s fingers.
It seems a small price to pay for that moment, to let Erwin go, to let him have his secrets in exchange for this one that they hold between them.
