The meeting started with the report of the wounded. There had been an influx at the hospital of their young soldiers, of stomach ache, of gun-shot wounds, of broken limbs and while it wasn’t unusual to get hurt while training, it was unlikely all of them would happen right after the next expedition schedule had been announced.
From his spot by the window, Levi saw Erwin struggle with the written down numbers, his impatience leaking into his tone, like it often did when there were more than a couple of sleepless nights weighing him down. He let it slide, saw how Mike rubbed at his moustache and let the man finish.
“We need an evaluation of the mental capacity from all the hospitalised soldiers,” the man said, drawing a breath that got stuck in his chest. “I wouldn’t like to take a risk with them as… as last time.”
“Should I appoint a team to interview the soldiers?” Moblit asked at once, receiving a nod from Erwin. Levi saw the look Erwin and Hanji shared and scoffed.
“Shitty pants won’t help us get anything done.”
He knew not to look at the reprimanding stare Erwin gave him, instead glaring out of the window, pausing to peer at the empty courtyard. He heard Erwin follow up with something to do with some money stuff that would mean another trip to the capital and he wondered whether he had enough of his own to get a few items from the black market while they were in the city.
“I would like to hear back from all of you before the end of this week. I should be back by then,” Erwin concluded and Levi turned around to face the room, signalling for the meeting to end. Mike stood up, getting his papers off the table and nodding his goodnights.
Levi watched the rest of them do the same, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall. He looked around it, following the same routes, the crossbeams, the cracks between the floorboards, the rug and the bookshelves that covered an entire wall. Hearing the typical shuffling of papers, the scribbling sound of his pen, Levi closed his eyes, letting himself fall into that state between what was and what could be.
It was only an estimated couple of hours later that something alerted him back to what was, his heart lurching in his chest when there was no sign of Erwin in the room, something having pulled him from his near-sleep. He couldn’t hear much anything, just the wind outside, the creaking of the wood under his feet as he closed the door to the office behind himself and the fluttering torch by the door that he took with him.
There was a thread that was still connected to that realm of possibilities that kept his feet moving to the opposite direction of where he meant to go and when he finally arrived, Levi felt the thread tighten its hold as he pushed the torch into the link in the wall and grabbed the handle on the door, pushing himself inside to the darkness.
He should have expected the knife.
He should have expected it to cut him even a little bit but when he felt the gush of hot blood on his fingers from the gash to his side, he reached out quickly to find the hand that wielded it.
“Erwin,” he said pressing onto the wound that kept bleeding through his fingers.
There was the clattering of the knife on the floor, the crash of Erwin crashing into the chair that doubled as his nightstand when he hurried over to light the oil lamp on it. Levi pulled the uniform jacket off, hurrying to pull his cravat off to press against the wound, not wanting to grimace too much at the pain when he reached to undo his straps. He could sense the hesitation in Erwin, the hurt in the way he hovered in the distance.
“Sorry I didn’t knock,” Levi said, through gritted teeth, daring a glance at the man.
The sight of him nearly made his knees buckle. His face ashen, his mouth drawn into a tight, emotionless line, the kind which Levi rarely saw, only after the most difficult decisions the man had to make. Bridging the gap between them, Levi pulled the strap across his chest open.
“Help me with this,” he told the man, knowing the way through to him even in this state. Direct orders, direct eye contact, get him to touch, get him involved. “I can’t reach over.”
Levi reached to his collar, fingers slipping the buttons out of their holes while Erwin, slowly, began to pull the straps free, his expression staying the same apart from the wrinkling of his forehead in concentration when he saw Levi hiss a swear. It hurt a lot more to be sliced with a knife when you weren’t running high on the kill, the chase and the pain from riding and impact. Erwin pulled his arm out of the shirt, glaring at the undershirt he always wore underneath it.
“It would’ve been a lot deeper if I didn’t wear this,” Levi said, pulling his arms up, letting Erwin hold onto the cravat that was keeping the blood flow to a minimum. He saw Erwin’s glare soften, his expression turn an ugly shade of guilty.
“You should have knocked,” the man said, barely out loud, his fingers peeling back the layers on the cravat until it gushed out another bit of blood. He sighed, holding onto Levi’s arm as he pressed down on the wound. “I’ll have to close that.”
Levi shook his head, placing his hand on top of Erwin’s. “Press on it.”
Erwin looked at him then, his eyes following the trail from his abs to his chest, the way they flexed when he pressed down on his side. “I can’t have you unfit.”
He nearly smiled. “Unfit.”
“Hold still,” Erwin told him, his eyes fixed on the rotten wound, his fingers peeling off the layers again. “I think it’s slowing down.”
“I can feel it’s only a flesh wound,” Levi muttered, looking down at the now exposed cut. Small, and it looked clean and red but not oozing anymore.
“I’ll dress it,” Erwin said passing the cravat to Levi who tossed it on the floor where his shirts and jacket were in a bloody pile. He sighed at the man as he crossed over to his drawers, pulling out a strip of cloth and a roll of gauze. “I have some strong wine for it if you’d like.”
“I would rather drink that wine. I know you never use that knife,” Levi said, turning to look at Erwin when he touched his arm not to alarm him.
He cleaned the skin around the wound with a wash cloth before he pressed a wrapped up piece of fabric on the cut and secured it in place with some gauze. Levi nodded his thanks, covering the wound with his hand when he bent down to pick up his clothes.
“At least now you know who’s behind your door,” he said to Erwin who attempted a smile back at him, his face drawing a tired grimace. “We should talk in the morning.”
Erwin nodded, looking around in the room when Levi retreated outside and locked himself in his own quarters.
Sleeping wasn’t easy. For the most part Levi lay awake in his bed, after washing himself fully and leaving his clothes to soak in cold water. He kept thinking back to that moment in Erwin’s office, the moment of him squinting hard at the papers. He knew Erwin hadn’t slept for days and it made it hard for him to relax enough to get more than a couple hours’ worth.
In the morning Levi dressed the wound again, got into full uniform and found himself wandering off to Erwin’s rooms. He sighed when he found the door open, already turning away when he heard the slightest sound coming from the inside. A soft whimpering sound, the kind which Isabel had made in her sleep before their first, and last, expedition outside the walls.
He peered in and noticed the lamp was still on. He picked up the knife from the floor placing it on a bookshelf further away from the bed, frowning at the bloody stains as he made his way to the bed, lifting the hot glass-dome off the lamp before blowing out the flame. Trying to pay no mind to Erwin, tangled in the sheets, his upper body bare, his trousers riding low on his hips, Levi pulled away from the bed. He cracked the window open, letting in some cool air. It was when he heard another whimpering moan.
It was unfair how a man like Erwin didn’t get peace of mind even in his sleep. His eyes moved under his closed lids, his hand twitching, reaching for something, his body stretching away from the pain, the impact of something monstrous and Levi saw the changes in his breathing between fear and oppourtunity. Forgetting the previous night, Levi crossed over to the other side of the bed and sat on the edge, careful not to wake the man up.
He pulled something from somewhere far away. A memory, a precious something that he had kept hidden just for himself and allowed his hand to find the man’s cheek. Softly, he stroked his fingers into Erwin’s hair and pulled him closer to what was. Levi softened his touch when the man began to wake, remembering the soft breath on his face.
“Hey,” he whispered, leaning closer, breathing. “Hey… I’m here.”
He let the touch become familiar now. He let himself feel the comfort from it. He allowed Erwin to lean into it, to let out a sigh of relief, wallowing in the moment. Levi pushed himself further in, allowing his face to melt into the touch, pressing his hand further back, to Erwin’s neck, pressing his cheek against his, feeling the soft roughness of it against his own. He heard himself swallow when Erwin breathed out slowly, deep in sleep.
He stayed there. Hand and fingers stroking patterns in Erwin’s hair only to be wiped away by the next stroke. Levi watched the sun rise from the crack between the curtains, casting a column of light in the room in which he watched dust billow whenever a breeze disturbed them.
Allowing Erwin to wake up alone, he gave him a moment to adjust to the absence of his touch before leaving the room and closing the door behind him.
He went to the kitchens, getting the tray ready for tea, boiling the water himself to pass time, slicing up some bread to give his hands something to do. He sat down to wait for the brew, collected the cups, drained the leaves out, arranged a few fruits on the tray before he decided the tea was losing too much heat.
Knowing not to even go to Erwin’s rooms, he circled to his office. He noticed the wet spots on his uniform collar instantly. The drying hair was combed neatly in place, probably secured with that stuff he got from the capital. His posture was better this morning than the previous. Erwin had cleared his desk.
“You’re up late,” he told the man, feeling a twinge in his side when the man looked up from the book, his diary, “I brought tea.”
He didn’t want to see whether the man knew or remembered. When he felt the touch on his wrist, a halting grip. He knew.
“Levi, I am so sorry about last night,” Erwin said, guilt colouring his voice ugly.
He shook his head, leaning over to grab the pot to pour the hot drink into two cups, “It’s nothing.”
Erwin knew better than to argue. He knew better than to try to make another remark about it and Levi was grateful. He could enjoy the cup of tea, a smell of jasmine wafting up to his nose from it, just here and now.
my eruri secret santa is @erwinsalive! i hope you enjoy and have a wonderful holiday! \o///
(my blog just time traveled into the future and unlocked itself solely to post this. i hang out exclusively on twitter of the same handle, still breaking my legs over eruri, and have a separate space to post nsfw arts when i am ever capable)
I feel depressed and lonely. It always happens a few weeks before the birthday. All my strength is running out. I feel that I can not do anything. But everything will be fine.
Hey! Since it seems that you have been in the eruri fandom fo a while, I wonder if you knew any long modern au fics where we see them meet, fall in love, move together and then get married? Or something like that, I'm just a sucker for the whole narration of falling in love ;-;
I know there are dozens and dozens of fics that follow this arc and I am a sucker for the falling in love narrative, especially if there is an (un)healthy dose of UST involved. I have to confess though, I’m a bit funny about marriage. On the one hand I will and have campaigned for equal marriage rights for everyone, regardless of gender or sexual preference, but on the other hand I get a bit fed up with marriage being held up as the one and only ideal relationship goal. However that’s just me and you didn’t ask for a lecture, you asked for fic recs so I’ll get off my soap box now :}
I have read a lot of modern AUs that follow the meet, fall in love, form a relationship arc, here are a few of my favourites, I hope you’ll enjoy some of them too.
Different Stars by @thefangirlingdead (89,946). Reincarnation AU. Erwin searches for Levi everywhere after he is given a second chance at life, but when he eventually finds him, it’s too late - Levi not only doesn’t remember him or anything about their past life, but he is also happily married. Thankful for a chance to have Levi in his life once more, Erwin tells himself that he is content with just being a friend to his past lover, but not everything goes as planned. - I can highly recommend all of thefangirlingdead’s fics.
find me on the way, find me anyway by seabear (24,612). Omegaverse. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He wasn’t supposed to be going into heat, he wasn’t supposed to be using a mating agency to help him find an Alpha, and he was never supposed to see Erwin Smith again. In Levi’s life, things have rarely gone the way they were supposed to. - Even if omegaverse isn’t your thing, this is really worth a read, it’s beautifully written, tender and very funny in places.
An Education by @stereobone (18,611). Can Levi juggle teaching and dealing with the school’s new, absurdly attractive principal? Probably, but it won’t be easy.
I’m Only Going to Heaven (If it Feels Like Hell) by @stereobone (16,970). "Are you saying you want to be my sugar daddy?“ Levi says. - This is just gorgeous.
Animals by @stereobone (26,218). Prison AU. What Levi has now are four walls, barred windows, and, whether he wants him or not, Erwin. - Just read everything by stereobone, you won’t regret it.
Mats and Tats by @improbabledicks (11,244). Levi has the hots for his yoga instructor. - Hot, sweet and it made me laugh.
Four Years Later by @everythingshiny (92,279). Running into your former ex is always awkward. Especially when you’re still madly in love with him.
all your demons and desires and dark sides by Carthage (65,024). Recently discharged from the military after losing an arm during a training exercise, Erwin Smith returns to the BDSM club he once frequented, hoping to find someone willing to give him control. There, he is introduced to Levi, another former soldier, new to the scene and burdened with a past he’s unwilling to speak of. - This is one of my all time favourite fics ever.
Irascible by bigasstrees and revai-lution (119,595). Southern Gothic, True Detective-inspired, 1990’s setting. Detective Erwin Smith is a family man, first and foremost. He goes to church on Sundays, he has a wife and two beautiful children, and is well-regarded by his neighbors and coworkers alike. Sure, every man has his secrets, his struggles between himself and the Lord, but Erwin has never known any man whose waters run as dark and deep as Levi’s, his mysterious new partner. - And this is my other all time favourite fic.
Am I allowed to rec one of my own fics? If so…
Cardamom by @lostcauses-noregrets (43,027). The first day of the Archaeological Symposium has been long and tiring and Erwin just needs one cup of coffee before he attempts to find his way back to his hotel.“Just a long black, please.”The barista drawls something in Arabic, sounding mildly irritated as he points at the menu.“Coffee,” Erwin clarifies intelligently. He’s hot, he’s tired, he’s confused. He wants caffeine as soon as possible.
My whole world was spinning. I couldn’t see anything but him. His greying skin, the way it turned colour when his breathing slowed down, when his heart stopped. His face, the way it went slack and still, the way the pain disappeared from the lines at the corners of his eyes, the way his lips turned purple and thin, the way his lids started to creep open when there were no dreams behind them any longer.
I wanted so much in that moment. I wanted to be close to him; to cradle him in my arms, to ease his loneliness in the journey away from us. I wanted to soothe his pain; I wanted to hold his hand in mine, link our fingers, get back a phantom squeeze to soothe mine.
I wanted him. I just wanted him so much. More than I had ever allowed myself to want him before. It was a desperate yearning for something I was losing, something I had denied myself, something I knew he had never seriously considered for my sake and for the sake of his own purpose.
But I didn’t want him to hurt. Not even when he was gone. I didn’t want to give myself a relief by touching him, I wanted to honour what we had between us, what we both knew was there. I didn’t want to steal anything from him now that he was gone. I didn’t want to have something he couldn’t return in kind because I know he would have wanted to.
And so I didn’t. And it hurt me; the need to have him near me, to touch his skin… it drove me mad most of the times. I would stay awake not to dream of his touch, I would drive myself to exhaustion until I would allow myself to drift off and every time I would wake up from his arms, cheating him and his memory. I could not escape Erwin, the fantasy of him.
Until one morning I didn’t have to.
I was right there, back in the body that wasn’t broken any longer, in his arms, our skin touching everywhere, our breaths mingling as we woke up from our early morning slumber. He stroked my hair, caressed my cheek and took a hold of my hand, placing it on his warm chest.
andulkaphoto
prguitarman
snowghoul
baratheonpilled
