summary: you’re stargazing and point out a certain star that harry mistakes for something or someone completely different.
word count: 373.
authors note: this is apart of @lovegoodsgf writing challenge for fluff prompt “stargazing”.
masterlist. // taglist form. // request works.
“and that one right there is regulus,” you pointed out, only excitedly whispering since you were already halfway on top of him and didn’t want to hurt his ears.
your head was resting on harry’s chest with his fingers lighting prodding at your head, scratching your scalp to add to the calm setting that you were already in; looking up at the illuminated sky, wisps of dark hair blocking parts of both your visions. the smell of his shampoo and stolen clothes fueling your smiles to grow bigger as you continued talking.
and even with those obstacles, his warm laugh included, you could still tell every single star and constellation from the next.
it wasn’t known if it was from the basic material professor sinistra taught in her elective astronomy class, the same one he always complained about sense you forced him to take it alongside you, or the fact that you’d spend so many hours out of your days and weeks studying the cosmos— that being a key factor as to what he decided to sneak you out past curfew just to stargaze.
“regulus, as in sirius’s brother, are you sure?” he asked with hints of confusion and worry in his voice as he looked around the grass field. he knew of the boy, of course he did, but he also knew that there was no way he could be on school grounds seeing as he wasn’t exactly alive.
“no not him, well sort of. their whole family is named after stars and things like that and regulus is right there inside of leo, your star sign. did you see any leo’s walking around too?” you laughed, watching as he blushed out of embarrassment.
“i knew it wasn't actually him y/n, come on, i was just... testing you.”
“mhm sure.”
“really, i just wanted to make sure you lived up to your title as the second most know it all out of the class after hermione,” he lied, kissing your forehead and looking back up with a tight smile on his face, not missing the raise in your eyebrows.
“no one has ever said that about me.”
“to your face,” he corrected, you scoffing and lightly hitting his shoulder in response.
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warnings: angst, mention of drugs, mention of drinking, mention of relapse, cm spoilers for up to s14
a/n: congratulations june! this is my first cm writing and idk how to feel abt it
you and spencer had been bestfriends for as long as you could remember. of course you had, you were the two youngest on the team. because of this, your boss had made you two partners for almost all field work. you loved spencer with your whole heart. platonically, of course. at least that’s how it started out.
you couldn’t figure out when, but at some point in time, you fell in love with the boy genius. and now he lives in your head rent free. how could you not fall for him? he was smart, funny, kind, and devilishly handsome. spencer was everything. the two of you were always there for each other. you were there through maeve, and tobias hankle, and even emily. the two of you comforted each other when you believed your dear friend was dead. and you continued to comfort him when you learned that she was, in fact, alive and he hit a rough patch with jj.
spencer’s hit another rough patch in life, and you’ve been helping him through it as best as you can. on your last case, the unsub had held jj and spencer at gunpoint and forced them to play truth or dare. the game caused jj to reveal her love for spencer, only to tell him that she was putting on a show for the unsub to spare their lives. the case caused spencer to go into a downward spiral. and you planned to be with him every step of it.
it was early saturday morning, almost four in the morning, when you got the call. you grumbled as you reached over to the bedside table and answered it. “yeah, yln,” you grumbled groggily. as you rubbed the sleep from your eyes.
“yn… i-i need you,” spencer choked out.
“spence? where are you?” you asked as you sat up, all traces of tiredness leaving your body.
“‘m at my apartment. yn i messed up really bad,” he sobbed.
“spence i’m coming okay? i’m on my way just stay there. you’re okay i promise,” you spoke as you rushed to pull sweatpants on under your oversized sleep shirt. you drove to spencer’s house, running stop signs and speeding.
you were no stranger to these late night/early morning calls. though, they’d been occurring more frequently since the incident with jj. these calls with spencer happened often, especially during times of high stress. they happened durning maeve, and tobias hankle, and emily, and a lot during cat adams. you hadn’t gotten one of these calls in a while so you were really scared right now. you could only pray to any god that would listen that he didn’t do anything stupid before you arrived.
when you got there, the scene before you broke your heart. your bestfriend was laying on his couch surrounded by tissues and blankets, eyes rimmed red with dark bags under them. you noticed a few empty beer bottles lying around and your heart got caught in your throat when you saw the three syringes on the floor. “spence…” you whispered as you approached cautiously.
“‘m sorry yn. i’m so sorry. i tried so hard. i really did but it just hurts. everything hurts. i couldn’t handle it anymore. i relapsed,” he rushed through his sobs.
“‘s okay spence. just breathe okay? ‘m gonna clean up for you, okay?” you spoke gently as you began to lift the beer bottles off the floor, butting them in the trash as well as the syringes. while you cleaned, you made spencer go take a shower and you prepared his clothes for him.
“yn!” you heard spencer’s voice call as you were standing at the counter, trying to gather your thoughts. his apartment was now cleaned and put back together. you followed his voice into his room where he laid, buried under the covers, freshly showered and in his pajamas. “i’m sorry,” he revealed.
“it’s okay spence,” you spoke as you ran your fingers through his hair.
“i relapsed…” he whispered sadly.
“i know you did. we’ll get you better though. try and get some sleep, yeah bub?” you kissed his forehead softly.
“will you stay with me? please?” he asked as he scoot over and lifted the covers for you. you agreed and slid in next to him, allowing him to lay his head on your chest. you carded your fingers through his hair and gently scratched out his scalp as he slowly fell into dreamland. “yn?” he asked quietly. you hummed in acknowledgment. “i love you. a lot. like… i’m in love with you.” he whispered.
you held in your sigh of exasperation. this is how those late night calls always ended. spencer confessing his feelings for you, just to wake up the next morning and tell you he didn’t mean it. “yeah?” you asked quietly.
“yeah… ‘m in love with you,” he murmured tiredly.
this time, you released your sigh of exasperation. “why don’t you tell me that when you’re sober, spence,” you murmured, allowing him to fall asleep as you succumbed to your own exhaustion finally.
~~~
when you woke up, the sun was shining through the window and spencer wasn’t in bed anymore. you mentally prepared yourself for the heartbreak you were about to receive again before dragging yourself out of bed. you met spencer in the kitchen, drinking his coffee and he offered you a smile. “morning yn,” he spoke.
“morning,” you murmured as you poured yourself a glass of orange juice.
“hey uh… i’m sorry. about…. about last night,” he spoke sheepishly.
“‘s alright spence, really no sweat. i’m just glad that i can help you,” you smiled reassuringly.
“and um… about what i said…” he began.
“really. it’s fine,” you quickly cut him off, not wanting to hear his rejection for the umpteenth time.
“can i please just say something?” he asked you.
“no spencer. i said it’s fine, let’s leave it at that. i already know how this whole thing goes. you relapse and you call me. i come and help you because that’s what a bestfriend does, i will always help you no matter what. you ask me to stay the night and before you fall asleep you tell me you’re in love with me. then the next morning you tell me it was just the drugs and alcohol talking. does that about sum it up?” spencer stood, unmoving.
“i can’t do this anymore. i love you spencer. i really really do. i’m in love with you. and hearing you say you love me just to tell me you don’t mean it? it’s destroying me.” you finally revealed.
“yn please. i’m trying to tell you that i love you. i’m in love with you, truly i am. i just was scared. i wasn’t ready before i was too damaged and i had too much baggage. i didn’t want to hold you down,” he began to bargain.
“and i loved you despite that baggage! hell i loved you and all the baggage you came with! spencer i’ve been in love with you for years but i’ve never been an option for you!” you shouted. 
“yn please i’m sorry,” he begged. “please let me fix this. i want you. i want to be with you,” he pleaded desperately.
“it’s too late spencer…” you shook your head as you hastily wiped at your rapidly falling tears. “i fell in love with you years ago. i’ve been in love with you for years. but now that you’re falling in love with me… i’m falling out of love with you,” you told him as you grabbed your keys and walked out the door.
when the door closed behind you, spencer stood staring at it. full of dread. full of regret. full of anguish. he had just let go of the most amazing thing that had ever happened to him. you broke him. but you weren’t sorry… because he broke you first.
