Why Did It Take So Long? - Spencer x reader
Description: After being best friends with him for over ten years, y/n finally realises that Spencer is in love with her.
Warnings: Angst, fluff, there's some crying and y/n feeling a bit dumb at times (affectionately).
Notes: Oh my gosh. Guys, I'm actually really proud of this one. It took me a while to get it to feel the way I wanted it to. So I hope you like it. Also, it's inspired by the song So Long by Niall Horan, which I'm obsessed with. If you want, listen to it wherever you get your music from first, but you don't have to. Enjoy! :)
_________
Y/n and Spencer had been best friends since college. She knew that Smosh fans were aware of her, but she never expected to be liked so much that they'd keep asking her to appear in videos. At first, she wasn't sure, and Spencer completely understood. She didn't even work there, for one thing. But, slowly, she made little appearances in Instagram stories and Tiktoks, and the fans seemed to accept her almost as if she were a cast member. But it came as a shock when she was asked if she'd like to do an episode of Reddit Stories with Spencer. And because it was with him, she said yes.
So, that was how she ended up sitting on that white couch with Spencer while Shayne sat on the chair with his ipad. In a few minutes, the cameras started rolling and he did the intro.
"Welcome back to Reddit stories. I'm Shayne, and with me today are two very special guests. Well, one of them not so much. You all know Spencer, but we have y/n too! You guys were asking for her and we listened."
Y/n waved at the camera "Hey, guys."
"So, the theme today is friendship. You guys have known each other a long time, right?".
Spencer nodded "Yeah, about twelve years. We met in college, and we've been good friends ever since."
"Wow, sorry y/n. That must be rough."
Y/n giggled "For sure. It's like life just handed me a dog or cat without instructions, and said 'here, take care of this'. That's Spencer."
Shayne laughed "That's a really good description."
"Thank you."
"Hey! What's happening here? Is it roast Spencer day? I'm four years older than her."
"And without me, you'd still be living in a one bedroom with a toothbrush and a single left shoe."
He chuckled "Okay, that's fair."
Shayne wheezed for a moment before moving on "Okay, let's read the first story here."
As Shayne read, y/n naturally moved closer to Spencer, almost leaning on his shoulder. His arm rested on the back of the couch behind her.
"Y/n, what do you think? Do you think he's the asshole?".
She looked over at Shayne.
"Uh...". She hesitated a little, not because she didn't know what to say. But because she was afraid it wouldn't come across the way she wanted it to. She also didn't want fans to watch it and hate her because of her opinions. Subtly, Spencer stroked the back of her arm, silently encouraging her.
"Well... no, I wouldn't necessarily say he's the asshole. I think people are allowed to feel things. He probably went about it the wrong way, but his feelings are valid. I don't think it's wrong of him to have feelings for his best friend, but maybe he doesn't love her as much as he says he does if he went and fell in love with someone else at the same time. It's probably more complicated than that, but I don't think it's fair for him to blame her for his own feelings when they weren't a hundred percent real in the first place."
"That's a great way of saying that. Good answer."
She chuckled "Thanks."
"Spencer, anything to add?".
"Oh, no. I mean, y/n pretty much said it. I don't think there's anything to add to that."
"I think that's fair. Alright, moving right along."
__________
After filming, it was time to go home and y/n actually went to Spencer's. It was a regular thing for her to have an impromptu sleepover. Most of the time it was because she couldn't be bothered driving all the way back to hers and the weather was getting pretty bad outside, so she didn't feel like leaving anyway.
"Spen."
"Yeah?".
"I'm gonna crash here again. Hope that's okay."
He chuckled "What if I said it's not?".
She shrugged "Doesn't matter. You just have to accept it."
He walked into the living room from the kitchen, where she was lounging on his couch.
"Well, it's a good thing I'm a damn good friend."
She giggled "I know you can't say no to me."
He hums "Mhm. You deciding to stay here wouldn't have anything to do with the weather warning, would it?".
"So, what if it was?".
"Are you still scared of storms, y/n?".
"No, of course not."
"Well, now who's stuck taking care of who now?" He chuckled teasingly. She rolled her eyes "Shut up."
He went to say something else when he was interrupted by a flash of lightning, shortly followed by a rumble of thunder. Y/n jumped, and sat up before swallowing thickly.
"Spen, can I stay with you tonight?".
He smiled, dropping his teasing "Of course you can. I've got left over pasta. Put a movie on, or something if you want."
While he went to fix up dinner, she turned the TV on and began scrolling through Disney plus. As she was doing that, she felt the urge to use the bathroom. So, she put the remote down and stood up before heading upstairs to his bathroom. After doing that, she snuck into his room to steal one of his hoodies. She did it often enough that she knew he wouldn't care. She put on his light grey Legacy hoodie, then went back downstairs.
Just then, there was another crack of thunder and she ran to the kitchen instead of the couch.
"Hey, I'm gonna stay in here now."
He chuckled "Okay, weirdo."
She grinned before hopping up on the kitchen counter to sit. He was heating up the pasta in the microwave. While waiting, he turned to look at her. He wasn't phased in the slightest that she was wearing his hoodie. It was normal. But he didn't like the uneasy look on her face.
"You doing okay?" He asked. She nodded "Mhm." He gave her a look "Are you sure about that?". She sighed "Fine. No, I'm not okay. The thunder scares me, Spen." He nodded "I know."
To distract her from the storm, he put some music on and turned the volume up. And when the pasta was done, they went back into the living room. While they ate, y/n put on her comfort show, New Girl. It was only when y/n finally felt settled that there was another flash of lightning and a crack of thunder. They both had finished eating, so she moved closer to Spencer, gaining his attention.
The harsh weather outside didn't phase him, so he barely noticed it. But knowing it scared her, his arm naturally fell around her when she shuffled closer to him. He looked at her, and chuckled softly "It's okay. You're alright."
"Don't patronise me."
"I'm not patronising you. You don't have to pretend you're not scared, y/n."
She sighed, glad that he wasn't judging her. "Come here." He said, pulling her closer to his side. Accepting his warm embrace, she settled down and rested her head on his shoulder.
She flinched at another thunder crack, and he turned the volume of the tv up before stroking her arm soothingly.
"You're okay." He hums.
__________
It was a few weeks later that y/n was catching up with Courtney. Since Spencer introduced them, they'd gotten along really well and became close friends. Which is why Courtney felt like they could ask her if she knew Spencer had feelings for her.
"I'm sorry, Court. But I don't understand what you mean."
They chuckled "What? How can you possibly not see it?".
"Honestly, I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Y/n, Spencer is clearly in love with you."
"What? No, he's not. We're just friends."
"Oh my god. If you think the way he looks at you is friendly, I fear for the rest of us. It's so obvious that he's loved you for years."
She chuckled "I don't think so. We've always been close. We're just comfortable with each other."
"Yeah, okay. But when was the last time he dated someone?".
She shrugged "I don't know. What does that have to do with anything? He was seeing someone a few years ago. She was blonde. I don't remember her name."
"It has everything to do with it, sweetie. He hasn't dated anyone since then because he loves you. He probably loved you before that."
"That's not true, Courtney. You can't just make stuff up."
"Okay, well does this look made up to you?".
They showed her their phone screen and played a clip from the recent Reddit stories. It was when she was talking about the college guy who was in love with two girls at the same time. Of course, the two of them were sitting close together like they normally would, but for the first time she noticed Spencer.
He was just looking at her as she talked. His head held up by his hand and a small smile on his face. He had always been good at listening, and the way his body language was he just looked completely comfortable, letting her have the spotlight for a moment.
"Well, Spencer's just like that. He's a good listener."
Courtney nodded "He is. You're right. He's really good at engaging with people and listening to what they're saying. He gives everyone his full attention. But this is different. You know why?".
"Why?".
"Because he doesn't have to give you his full attention, y/n. You already have it. Trust me, now that you've seen it you won't be able to unsee it."
She shrugged "Okay. But I highly doubt it."
________
As it turned out, Courtney was right. Y/n was starting to notice it more and more, especially when it was just the two of them hanging out. It was different to how he interacted with his friends at work. She'd noticed it before, but she figured it was just because he'd known her for so long. Not that he was in love with her. She took more notice of how he talked to his female coworkers compared to her.
He was very comfortable around women. She knew that, and certainly didn't have a problem with it. She didn't have the right to have an issue with it. He liked hanging out with Angela, Courtney, Arasha, Olivia, and Amanda, and had a close relationship with Kiana. It was genuinely an important part of his life for him to have close relationships with women. He felt like it made him a better person. He wanted them to be as comfortable around him as well. In fact, he seemed to take great pride in making them laugh both on camera and off. But it was always respectful. When he needed to be serious and do his job, he did. He was patient with Angela, teaching her to play games. He was supportive of Courtney directing some things, and he always made sure everyone was comfortable before filming a video. Even when Amanda playfully flirted with him, he took it in stride.
But, suddenly all that seemed different when she compared it to how he was with her. He was the exact same, but there was subtle things that she was starting to notice about his behaviour towards her. He was always comfortable with touch. But he always had his hand on her somehow. Whether it was on the small of her back when walking with her, or grasping her forearm to get her attention. He didn't do that with anyone else.
He was always looking at her. Whenever she entered a room, his eyes would immediately be drawn to her. Even if he was already smiling, he seemed to light up even more. If she was sitting on set behind the camera and he was in the video, he would be funnier than he normally was.
Those were just a few things she'd picked up on. But it wasn't until today that Courtney's words truly hit her and it just made sense. It was a Saturday, and she was out to lunch with Angela and Amanda. They had invited her a few weeks ago, and only now the three of their schedules finally allowed it to happen. They seemed interested in what Spencer was like in college.
She chuckled "There isn't much to tell. He's pretty much the same guy as he's always been."
"Well, what's the deal with you two then? With how close you are, I find it hard to believe you've always just been friends this whole time."
She shrugged "We have. I'm sorry it's not more exciting, but we've always just been friends. I mean, I have kissed him before."
"What?!".
"Wait, what?!".
She giggled "It was a long time ago, guys. It didn't mean anything."
"Well, what happened?" Angela urged.
She shrugged "Well... it was about halfway through my freshman year of college. I had a boyfriend for a while, but he broke up with me. It was at some frat party my friends dragged me to. I didn't want to be there because I was still hurt from the break up. I didn't know Spencer was there. But he was, and he found me outside. I was crying, so he asked me what was wrong and I told him what happened. He stayed with me and gave me his jacket. And when I finally calmed down, I ended up accidentally telling him that I'd never had my first kiss. I was afraid it would never happen because I had issues with intimacy. But... he offered. He just did it because he felt bad for me."
"Oh my god. That's the cutest thing."
"That's so sweet. I'm gonna cry."
She chuckled "Yeah, but it didn't mean anything. At least, not to him."
It was then something dawned on her. What if it did mean something to him? She thought about all the things she'd noticed recently. And then things from back then came to mind too. All the long hours they spent studying together, playing video games, watching movies together. Even when they dated other people, it was always the same. And suddenly she realised why she found it so hard to keep her relationships; because none of them were him. She had always just been looking for someone to be Spencer. He'd unintentionally raised the bar too high for anyone else to attempt it.
"Honey, are you alright? You look like you've just seen a ghost." Amanda asked, concerned. Angela frowned with worry. She looked at them "Y-Yeah, I... just realised something. I need to go."
Stumbling over her words, she paid for her half of the bill and excused herself from the table.
_________
She drove to Spencer's, and ran up his driveway to his door. Out of breath, she knocked frantically and rang the door bell.
When the door opened, Spencer was surprised to see her. He furrowed his eyebrows, confused as to what she was doing here. He knew she had gone out to lunch with Amanda and Angela.
"Y/n? Hey, what-".
He didn't get to finish his sentence before she almost knocked him over from the force in which she hugged him. He was so taken aback, he hadn't noticed that she was upset until he felt her shaking when he put his arms around her.
As soon as he did, he pulled back "Hey, hey, hey. What's going on? What happened?".
Tears fell down her cheeks as she sobbed "I'm sorry, Spencer. I'm so sorry."
He frowned, not understanding "What?".
"I'm sorry it took me so long to realise."
He sighed "Okay. Honey, you know I get a kick out of your random outbursts. I really do. But I have no idea what you're saying, so I'm gonna need you to explain that. Can you do that for me?".
She sniffled, and wiped her cheeks only for more tears to slip out. He frowned "Okay, come here." He gently grabbed her hand, pulling her through the doorway before shutting the door behind them. Then he led her to the couch in his living room. He sat her down. Then he sat close beside her.
"Look at me, y/n."
She did as told, despite her blurry vision.
"Good. Now, take a deep breath. Watch me."
He demonstrated, then motioned for her to do the same. With a slight tremble, she took a breath and he smiled "That's better." He gently wiped away her tears, soothing the sticky skin under her eyes with his thumbs before tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear. All were things he'd done many times before, she realised. He didn't do that with his friends.
"Okay, can you tell me what this is about? What on earth are you apologising for?".
She sighed quietly "I... don't know how to say it."
He looked at her for a moment, then shuffled a little closer to her and took her hand "Y/n, there is nothing you can say to me now that will ever scare me more than you showing up at my door and sobbing in my arms like that. So, whatever it is you want to say, just say it."
She looked at him "Spen, what makes me different from everyone else?".
Whatever he expected her to say, it wasn't that "Huh?". He thought something had happened at lunch. He was thinking more along the lines of some guy making her uncomfortable.
She sighed "Courtney showed me something a few weeks ago, and I haven't been able to unsee it since then. And I don't know how I didn't notice before. But you treat me differently than all your other female friends."
He froze for a moment, unsure of where this was going. Seeing the look on his face, she quickly said "But, I... I don't have a problem with it. It's not an issue. Why would I have a problem with that? It's great that you have so many amazing women in your life."
His eyes flickered back to her face, and he smiled slightly, amused but encouraging her to continue.
"You just... treat me different, and I want to know why."
He was quiet for a moment before tilting his head a little and speaking softly "How so?".
"What?".
"How do I treat you differently?".
She sighed "Well, you don't but since Courtney pointed it out, I haven't been able to stop noticing it. I... watched how you interact with the women you work with, and-".
She paused halfway through her sentence, unsure of how to continue without saying it in a way that might offend him.
Seeing her inner struggle with herself, he said "It's okay. Keep going. Is there something that bothers you about that?".
"What? No! I... no."
"Okay, then what is it?".
She huffed "Spencer, I don't have any issue with you being friends with a lot of women. That's not- I just...".
He connected the dots by himself a little "Okay, so you were saying I treat you differently. How so?".
She sighed "Well, I don't know. You're still you. But your actions change with me. I know that you've always been comfortable with touch and being close to people, and you do that with everyone. So it's not different. But it is with me. I can't explain it."
He hums, rubbing his chin a little. He had a feeling that he knew what she was trying to say now.
"Well, you said Courtney pointed it out to you. What did they say?".
"Uh... they showed me a clip from that Reddit stories video we did and said something about your body language and how you-".
She paused again, and looked at him. She noticed he was doing the same thing now.
"What?" He asked.
"You're doing it now!".
He chuckled "What am I doing?".
She sighed, blushing a little "They described the way you listen to people. How you're really good at taking in what someone is saying and giving people your full attention when they're talking."
"Okay...".
"They said the difference with me is that you don't have to give me your full attention, because I already have it."
There was a pause between them before he spoke again. His voice was soft.
"They're right, you know."
She looked at him.
He sighed "You've had my attention for a long time. So... yes, I think how I treat you comes naturally."
"Spence."
"Hm?".
"Are you-". She sighed "Are you in love with me?".
He looked at her, and smiled softly "What do you think?". "I don't know, Spencer. That's why I'm asking." He laughed shortly "Yes."
"Yes?".
He nodded "I'm deeply in love with you, y/n. I have been for a long time."
Hearing him say it made her feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And for some reason, it didn't scare her. Because she knew he was what she wanted.
"I'm sorry, Spen."
"Why do you keep apologising? If you don't feel that way, it's okay-".
"No!".
"... what?".
"I... I do." She replied sheepishly.
A slow smile appeared on his face "You do?".
She nodded "Yeah, but I'm sorry that it took me so long to realise it."
His expression softened, realising that's what she was trying to say before "Oh... y/n, that's okay."
She shook her head "No, it's not. Spencer, I feel like such a horrible person. How could I just not notice?".
He smiled "Because you didn't know to look for it. But it really is okay, because knowing you is easily the best part of my life and I wouldn't trade the last twelve years for anything. I love you so much, y/n."
Tears filled her eyes at his words. "I love you too, Spence." She replied, feeling like a weight had lifted off her shoulders. It felt so good to say it.
He pulled her closer to him and kissed her head. Leaning into him, she rested her head on his chest. Neither of them said anything for a while. He just held her close to him, savouring the moment. But when she suddenly sat up, sitting on her knees to look at him, he raised an eyebrow.
"What is it?".
"I forgot. Can I ask you something?".
"Sure."
"Do you remember back in college, that night you kissed me?".
He smiled, then nodded "Mhm. Why?".
She shrugged "I was just curious."
Chuckling, he asked "Why would I not remember that?".
"I don't know."
"No, don't do that. You asked for a reason. What is it?".
She sighed, rolling her eyes playfully as her cheeks heated up "I guess I just... never found out if it meant more to you."
He sat up, then pulled her closer to him before resting his hand on her knee. Her cheeks flushed pink at the close proximity, making him chuckle "Come here."
His hand reached out to tilt her chin up to make her look at him. He smiled softly as her eyes blinked at him curiously.
"Do you trust me, y/n?".
"Of course I do."
"Will you let me show you how much that night meant to me and what it still means to me?".
She nodded.
With little hesitation, he leaned in and gently pressed his lips against hers. It was soft, sweet, testing the waters while waiting for her to make the second decision. She didn't pull away, or stop him. There wasn't even a little voice in her head telling her not to. It felt right.
So, she lightly grasped the material of his hoodie that he was wearing, and kissed him back. He smiled, letting himself fully give into her. After a minute, he gently parted from her but had no intention of pulling away.
"Does that answer your question?".
She nodded slightly "Yeah...".
He looked into her eyes, and gently ran his fingers through her hair. A tear slipped down her cheek which he wiped away with his thumb.
"What's wrong?".
"Nothing, I just... know what I want now."
He tilted his head "And what's that?".
"I want you, Spence."
He smiled softly "Well, you have me. Whether you realised it or not, you always have."
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