I am nearing the last days of my time as a junior kindergarten teacher, and I am feeling such a wash of emotions. It has been incredibly rewarding and has made me stronger working with children. I have done my best to rise to whatever the occasion, and at times I have felt a bit at my wits end, to be frank. But, the reward, oh my goodness, the reward!-- seeing eyes light up with understanding, faces beaming at recognition, the fascination with things that have become ordinary to most. This type of work takes a type of energy that truly is special, and I have done my best to share it with my students. My philosophy of education has been grounded on love, and I hope that when these little people grow big, they remember that someone truly, truly loved them in that classroom.
The greatest thing you’ll ever learn
is just to love, and be loved in return.
-- Nat King Cole
During my time as a teacher in this classroom, I have sewn holes on stuffed animals. I have placed bandaids with a kiss to my finger and then a gentle touch. I have listened to sixteen little voices, shouting, “I don’t want cheese!” “I just want water!” “Where are my apples?” “Miss Kara, can you tie my shoe?” All at the same time.
At some times I said, “Guys, to be honest, I can’t remember what all sixteen of you want right now. I’ll ask you when I get to you.” I have promptly and kindly responded to spills. I have taught these growing people to say, “No, thank you;” and, “Yes, please.” I thought to myself at times, “This may be my rowdiest table yet-- a sixteen-top of five-year-olds!”
I called, “Don’t touch the lava!” while I lay my arm over the slide. I smiled at children who laughed beneath, dodging the, “Lava Lady.” I complimented light-up shoes. I asked kids, “Did you know your shirt says, ‘Make waves?’” I redid braids and helped children learn to write the words, “Princess,” “Sparkle,” “Happy birthday,” “Dinosaur,” and “I love you.”
I have talked with parents. At one point, I was wiping tables and sweeping crumbs as quickly as I could following snack when a parent talked in.
“Are you going back to real teaching?” the parent asked. An email had been sent out announcing changes in faculty for the upcoming summer session.
I felt dumbstruck. I felt like all I did all day was teach, to an exhausting amount. Teaching
how to make a heartfelt apology,
to not run on the sidewalk,
that the earth has layers covered with moving tectonic plates,
that a plant cell is square-shaped, an an animal’s is circular,
that bees are beautiful creatures who are endangered, and should be protected,
that five of our students standing on top of each other is how tall a T-Rex is,
that water is not to go to waste,
that we use our words, not our hands,
that all we can do in our life is do our best,
how we want to be treated!
to not be afraid to say, “I don’t like that!” -- to set healthy boundaries,
to take another deep breath for good measure,
and to remember that humans are basically plants-- we need sun, water, and air to feel happy,
and truly I feel, I have taught even more than all this--
But I couldn’t say that. Instead I meekly smiled.
Another parent entered as I was stacking chairs at the end of the day and stopped herself, saying, “What am I doing? I could be helping instead of just standing here!” I began to protest politely, and she grabbed a chair, with little to no pause, continuing our conversation as normal.
“No one has ever helped me stack chairs!”I blushed. “Oh my goodness, thank you!” I said, flustered, rosy, glowing with recognition, several times over. I have stacked so many chairs on tops of tables I have wiped and swept beneath, starting from when I was sixteen and continuing until now. This was one of the kindest simple gestures I have ever experienced.
I have received flowers, snacks, handwritten cards, gifts parents helped their children create. I have done my best to honor the sanctity of each family I have interacted with, and these parents have been so kind to me in return.
I have felt recognized by the children as well. I have received treasured snail shells, given to me as gifts, and tucked them safely into my pocket, repeating, “Thank you! How kind of you!” I have received cut-out symmetrical hearts, tiny feathers, and a mountain of drawings.
But there have been great sadnesses with the children as well.
I have sat a child on my knee and said, angrily, not to them, but speaking to all the pain and suffering of the world, “Who called you that!? You are not a mistake!” and held the child closely. I sat her on my knee, looked into her eyes, and said, “That is not true! You are enough! You are not a mistake, do you hear me? Do you hear me?!”
Oh, my, how my heart has ached.
I have been hugged a thousand times perhaps, been asked to play chess about a thousand times more, and have read, Truck Full of Ducks at least a hundred times.
I can’t say everything that this journey has been to me. There aren’t the right words. But I can tell you how I loved these children, how a part of me will always love them. They are beautiful in all of their own ways. They are pieces of a beautiful mosaic of colors, with their own hues, layers, edges, shapes, stories, tribulations, and hopeful, reaching eyes. I did my best to glow kindness into their journey, to help their true colors stay bright.
I did my best to give them hope. I did my best to align them with truth. And I feel that as long as these lessons I have done my best to teach still take flight, I will have perhaps succeeded in helping teach this crucial lesson:
the greatest thing you’ll ever learn
is just to love and be loved in return.