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Are you ok?!

Myeah probably

#eggs can answer #firedemongaming #just a panic attack #wasn’t super long #missed dinner but eh whatever

I just realized that the formatting on my most recent fic was eaten by tumblr when I copy-pasted it. It’s fixed now.

#jesus #there's no way it made any sense #and yet it has a decent amount of notes #not rdr #just a panic attack

Chapter I.: Getting Here

Chapter II.: Leaving Here

#just a panic attack #postlapsaria

I can’t breathe.

Thanks mom for making me feel like shit, again. You’re right, every of my becoming is my and my fault entirely, not an ounce of influence from family which is the closest group of people to me and also the source of my growing-up’s trauma that eventually led to my depression. Every bad influence that makes me become who I am today comes from friends and my choices alone, nothing from your endless hours of fighting with dad or from sister’s mental oppression over me or from the fact that i have no one to rely to in my teenage years when you and dad break the house, litterally. Bet you never think about what all the broken furnitures, screams and yellings and late night fightings did to me. Thank you so much for never acknowledging your part in my brokeness and then act like ‘i didn’t raise you like that’ and always compare me to my always-better-and-forever-great sister. I’m sorry I don’t live independently like her at 19. I’m sorry that she’s the best daughter and I don’t live up to your expectation or her expectation. I’m sorry that my salary isn’t high enough to support you and the family. I’m sorry that I don’t live by myself at 19 and work through illness to support myself. I’m sorry that I don’t overcome all the hardness that she did or you did when you were at my age. Because yeah, I should totally live by your or hers lifestyle which means if not working at the office then stay at home and do housechores; absolutely no to minimum social life is needed. Yes my health is deteriorating because of my bad lifestyle and not because of mental health’s effects. You don’t even know or suspect that I have depression. Bet it never cross your mind. And if you did know, bet you’d thought that it’s my fault, again. ‘Seek help from family’ my ass.

#me #rant #thanks mom #it's hard to breathe #just a panic attack #nothing important at all