#just doing some self reflection

[owlosaurusrex]

Maybe I've been a Bitch all along!!!

[musicphanpie-b]

overshare hour:

I think the reason why I am having worse anxiety/depression/self-doubt as I am growing older and older is because when I faced setbacks in the past, I could brush them off and ignore the pain and sadness easily since I was young and my mistakes didn't have much consequences.

But as I grow older, the difficulties I face are not just about my grade this year or my classmates who I need to deal with for this school year, they're about my life and my future. It makes everything so much more terrifying.

I have been feeling like I am becoming mentally weaker and weaker as I grow up, but I think the truth is that I have always been mentally weak, but it's just that reality is now slamming it right into my face.

[buteverynight-islikeadream]

thinking out loud

so for the first 18 years of my life, I was someone who cared heavily of what others thought of me. the last thing on my list of priorities was myself. I was always making sure everyone else was happy and taken care of before facing my own demons. last summer, shortly after my 18th birthday, I spent 3 weeks total of july travelling. it was a lot of just self discovery and spending time away from everyone at home. and so I returned, and I started to see who had missed me. who had realized I was gone, who wanted to put in the effort that I had been making all of these years, and who I needed to let go. I started university with more confidence and I actually got elected to student council. I put myself out there, didn’t let people get in my head and had newfound confidence. 

I also shut people out. I struggled with my anxiety for a bit during the first month of university, and anxiety attacks still happen. when I met a guy that I really fell for, I had a hard time trusting him. the last relationship I had been in was toxic and with a manipulating, controlling guy. he had told me that me and my problems were a burden to him. as horrible of a person he was, I believed it. I still believe it sometimes. 

moral of the story: put yourself first. travel. explore your city. spend the day with yourself. write poetry. face your demons. put yourself in the drivers seat, because you never know what could happen

[princxlemon]

trying to sort through how the slight fetishization of my girlfriend’s bisexuality turning me on intersects with the kinky nature of me just rly wanting to see her get fckd by a dude