#tw depression

[ttoadbaott]

I'll be fine I'll be having a good day and then.. I notice I've been sinking slowly. I think I'm in a swimming pool in the sun with my eyes closed, then I open them to realize it's actually a thick inky black pit and I'm getting heavier. Then I think "oh yeah .. why did I think I could enjoy the sun? I forgot I'm only allowed The Sludge"

I'm just tired of it. I miss enjoying my life. I miss being able to do my hobbies without being in pain. I miss not constantly feeling like dying. So much in my life has picked up lately yet it feels like my mind is growing darker. I feel like I don't deserve the good things , like I'm not good enough for them. I feel so lost and desperate to escape myself but that doesn't even make sense. I'm screaming and clawing at the walls in my mind yet those around me are unaware because I'm not saying anything or doing anything to help it. And when I think about trying to reach out I just feel overwhelmingly stuck and unable to say anything. We bite our tongue and just say "deal with it" and that only makes me into more of a stereotypical man. I don't want that I don't want this to be who I am. I just feel like it's something I can no longer escape from. Its eating me alive it's fucking eating me alive

[raven--stag]

suddenly got hit by how bleak the world really is because of fucking AI, and not owning anything like games and shows and movies and music, and bloodthirsty maniacs in charge only interested in profiting off of killing people and killing the planet and i am so fucking TIRED

[shocktherapyrecipient]

Man I would love it if I could stop becoming so depressed I can't function because I can't truly count on anyone or anything around me? I just kind of hope I don't get killed by some random thing, but idk sometimes it feels like it'd wake everyone up to where I am at and have been for 2 years, now. I barely feel alive

[enver-whoretash]

TW/CW for depression ahead

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I’m posting this as a reminder to myself. I have anhedonia. About 3 years or so, I lost an 8 year friendship because of my bpd/choices/actions. I was disgusting, hateful, and in my mind downright evil. I got to the point where I didn’t see any reason to keep going. I genuinely thought about dying daily. Because what was the point after all the bad things I did. I eventually threw myself into BG3 and met quite a few of its yume/self shippers. They were so lovely and kind. I found a tiny spark of joy that I’ve been holding onto ever since. Gortash did something I can’t explain, but seeing people who loved him and Durge made me think I was still capable of being loved too. I was capable of being better. Maybe I didn’t deserve to be punished for the rest of my life.

When my depression gets bad, I spiral and feel like there’s literally no reason to live. I want to be able to remind myself it’s only temporary. Things can get better. It’s okay to find love through the little things. Even if it’s just fiction.

[bluewingbtrfly]

now I need extra makeup and something to snap on my wrist :(

thanks dad...

[merclando]

Hi! I’m curios about the 1D thing. It was always a bit toxic in that fandom. But did it get worse after they went on “hiatus”?

hi omg for some reason tumblr won’t let me answer this but yes it got a lot worse because the fandom split into solo fandoms and everyone started fighting and hating on the other boys. especially harries (which is funny considering their favs mantra is treating people with kindness) were very hateful towards the others and everyone was always comparing streaming numbers and popularity and stuff like that. liam was dealing with depression and addiction and fans sent him a lot of hate as well (there was some valid criticism but people took it very far). as someone who was always more interested in the band than the solo careers it was also hard for me to see that the boys were just not close anymore and yeah i distanced myself from the fandom around 2020 but still listen to the music and go to concerts but don’t keep up with the fandom or anything anymore so i don’t know what it’s like nowadays

[verenakauer]

(tw depression/suicidality)

It's so funny (it's not) how a depression in your teens/early twenties fucks up your perception of what "I'm not doing well" is, because it's like. I'm stressed and exhausted and hypervigilant all the time! I can barely sleep and I have nightmares when I do! I'm hitting that caregiver burnout face-first at full speed! BUT!! I'm not actively wanting to off myself!!! Therefore I'm doing well and things are good, right? Right??

The bar is so low.

[dontyoudarejudg3]

The weird thing abt having my happier periods (and I do mean periods I know you know we all know this shit won't last) is like

Things are.... good

I am (mostly) coping

I haven't sh in like almost a week

I keep.... smiling

THEREFORE SOMETHING MUST DEFINITELY BE WRONG

And now im just waiting for the other shoe to drop and to go bavk to being suicidal and like sh every day ughh

@zanderandthedogmaticrisis I feel like maybe you might understand this?