May 17
#prefacing by saying that none of this is tumblr's business and I know that but idc. it's the oversharing site. SO:#my mental health or lack thereof has unfortunately reached the stage of#''being offered a ~fun little hike & coffee~ with my aunt tomorrow morning (read: intervention)'' but at least i'll get out for a bit lol.#and I know she's going to be like ''heyy taylor :) so while we're here let's be accountability buddies and schedule a meds consultation:)''#and you know what. I see it coming from a mile away but I appreciate it because tbh that's the only way I'm gonna get it done atp 😭#realizing I do need it though. it's just always hard for me to tell how I'm actually doing because I'm a super in-the-moment person.#when it's bad it's bad but then it goes away and I'm fine. I don't really have. like. object permanence with my emotions lol?#so it's less 'catching issues to fix by realizing you feel really down and stressed all the time'#and more 'catching issues by realizing all of your rapid crashouts that you move on from are *really* frequent right now'.#it's a matter of seeing a bunch of things in a row which- for me- is harder to pinpoint than 'wow. I feel dogshit all the time'.#it'll go as fast as it comes and I'll think I'm out of the woods and then I walk into another tree a day later.#sometimes depression is like a dull flatness but for me it can be like. random sharp spikes & then back to baseline and oops! spike again!#and my posting history suggests a lot of spikes. to which I point out that oversharing online can be a great retrospective look at-#how you're doing! see. this is beneficial. ✨documentation✨. it's got timestamps and everything lmao.#and I'm kinda joking there of course#but it's SO easy to dismiss stuff as a tiny little bump in the road but I fear the road is entirely bumps right now. we are on gravel 😭#and it is time to actually do something about that instead of getting over a bump and going 'wow that sucked. anyways moving on :)'#because that is not working lol.#cannot just good-vibes myself through the fact that I experience all extremes of the emotional spectrum every day right now.#which sucks. I think I should be able to power-of-friendship my way out of this. but alas.#anyways. if I get any good nature pics during the intervention hike then I'll post them here lmao.
