#just sharp things

[sharpth1ng]

I just threw my pants across the room, having forgotten that there was a hefty folding knife in the pocket, so now theres a dent in my wall and a half-full can of red bull spilled all over the floor.

Everything smells like iced vanilla berry. The scent of failure.

[sharpth1ng]

Yall. I just scored a Clockwork Orange crop top

[sharpth1ng]

Sound the alarms, sharps been gone for a month. 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨

How have u been, buster?

Hi, sorry I've been gone y'all. I have three jobs rn plus trying to keep up my patreon, partners going through bullshit, and honestly a bunch of other stuff I'm dealing with. Im just fucking tired, this year has been brutal and theres not really any sign it's going to get better lmao.

I just got overwhelmed tbh. Felt bad I was so behind on reblogging everyone's art, like I haven't even finished reblogging the stuff from stuilly week. And if im being honest I'm struggling with the hostility and negativity on the internet rn.

I'll get over it, I'm not giving up, I'm just tired. I would love to catch a break though lmao.

[sharpth1ng]

So I ended up writing a very short original story because I needed to get it out of my system. I dont even know how to describe it, I guess it's like.... an unfathomable eldritch god giving its human servant a task? But very much body horror, that was kind of my intent in writing it.

Anyways, its very very different from my usual writing so Im not sure if I should post it here, lmk if yall are interested?

[sharpth1ng]

Gonna ramble about acespec stuff/demisexuality for a minute here, ignore if you want.

The definition I always see of demisexuality is that sexual attraction only comes with emotional connection. I constantly see people belittling this like it's everyone's experience to not want to have sex until the third date (which is obviously not true) but it's also not just that.

At least for me It's more than just not wanting to have sex, it's literally not feeling sexual attraction. It's possible to feel sexual attraction and not want to have sex, and it's also possible to not feel sexual attraction but want to have sex because its sort of a fun activity.

Maybe what I'm talking about isn't demisexuality, might be something else under the ace umbrella, but it's something I've struggled with for a long time and I'm kind of only putting words to it now. I enjoy having sex and doing kink, but those activities aren't always sexual in nature for me, and I don't know how to explain that. Sex and kink are fun games to play, but often it can feel like giving someone a massage just with more taunting or playfulness.

I like to make people feel good and I like to play games but doing that doesn't always result in me being aroused or wanting to get off. I have no problem with my partner feeling arousal, it's only an issue when I'm expected to feel arousal and it's a problem if I dont. Its not something I feel a need to change about myself, because I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I still have a fun time doing stuff, I think its just a different kind of fun.

There's a similar thing with consuming nsfw media for me. It seems like the expectation is that if you're reading smut the intent is to get off but thats so far from my experience. I like reading smut because there can be some really cool storytelling and dynamics in a sex scene. I like looking at nsfw art because its full of interesting textures and posing, and an incredible amount of storytelling for a static image that may not even have text.

Sometimes something is hot, like its a good idea, I like it, but its not arousing. That doesn't make it less enjoyable or less hot, it's just not something that causes a feeling I experience as sexual.

Idk it's just something I've been thinking about lately. Seems like a lot of people assume that engaging with sexual behaviour or sexual material means you're looking for sexual feelings or arousal, and that might even be true for a lot of people but its definitely not my experience.

Also just to be clear- theres nothing wrong with doing any of that for the sole purpose of getting off. Theres nothing inherently moral or amoral about sex or arousal, it's just a thing some people do.

[sharpth1ng]

So uh, short bit of original writing below, fair warning it's extremely different from what y'all have seen from me before.

(She/her but not necessarily female Old God talks to non-gendered protagonist with body horror? Also this is open ended and I don't have current plans to continue it, it was just an experiment.)

-----

“I have need” She says, and the skin of Her face blisters and slides. I step forward, pressing my lips as the sting of burning flesh washes over me.

“I am at your side.”

She nods, Her skin stilling, then gathering up as it breaths.

“I have expired,” Her hand comes to rest upon my back, spanning the length of me and sprouting new fingers to brush across the nape of my neck. “It is time to make myself new”

I keep my eyes trained on Her throat where the blood move thick, occasionally seeping from a pore to bead on Her skin.

“Do not make that face” She tuts and Her hand blackens, growing claws to scratch deep welts down my spine. I feel the muscle pull apart and my own blood soaks the back of my robes before it all knits back together around the shredded cloth. It is not the first time I’ve become one with my clothing.

I don’t dare speak, I don’t need to. The silence in this room is only true on the face of it. A false bed of leaves hiding a grave for imprudent bones.

“You are young.” She sighs, Her voice shifting and sliding over itself with the groan of tectonic plates. “I am old, and I will be old when you die.” I suppose that’s enough.

“Tiny thing” She laughs and my bone rattle violently.

I clench my jaw to keep my teeth from cracking; only Her hand at my back to stop my knees from buckling. Her palm stretches behind me, sliding under my feet and scooping me up. She lifts me, up and up, the space between us stretching taught and snapping back as I struggle to perceive the near-fareness of it. The planes of Her face that blur with distance one moment and fall into perfect focus the next. And back again.

Her eye rolls down to meet me, sclera vast as an ocean with a pin-prick pupil jittering across it. Sometimes Her eye is a hole, deep and black. Sometimes I sleep in it. Sometimes, the iris becomes milky and it fills with salt water, spilling over and rushing down in great torrents. I would drown in it finally if She didn’t pluck me from the tide and squeeze it all from my lungs.

“You will help me to prepare.” Stern and heavy Her voice weighs upon on my shoulders. I know She thinks me foolish for the way I fret, but I cannot help what pulls around my ribs when She speaks of Her journey. “You will go into the world, and you will bring me a maiden.”

I shudder at that and She laughs again, but I know not of the world and I know not of maidens. I am lost in this when one of Her hands- now the size of my own and bearing seven thumbs- cups my cheek gently. The hand strokes up and She pushes a digit dotingly into my eye socket.

“How will I know who to chose?” I ask, weeping aqueous humor until my skin closes around Her. I welcome Her in and She wriggles obsenely inside me, tickling at the gyri of my brain. Her thumb pushes deeper and like a snake it constricts around inside my skull. I can barely think but still I understand when She replies:

“Your judgment is trusted.”

Her thumb pushes out the back of my head and then She is slithering through me, the whole unfathomable mass of Her impossibly threading through the tiny hole of my eye to spill out the other side.

So I will go into the world, and I will bring her a maiden.

[sharpth1ng]

I like to call the Jackass group the gayest straight guys you’ll ever see

No cause it could have been the most toxic hyper-masculinity fest but its just... not? Its socioculturally kind of fascinating because its so different from everything else at that time, like it came out of skate culture but also gay icon Rip Taylor shows up in every movie until he passes away?

Beyond that, what they're engaging in is very clearly kink. Regardless of whether or not its sexual, it's kink. They consent to hurting and humiliating each other and after they all laugh together?

Chris Pontius is also almost always wearing nothing but a thong and none of the other guys seem uncomfortable with that? They don't seem to be guarding themselves against accusations of homoeroticism and by bringing actual gay people (like Rip and John Waters) as friends they're explicitly accepting queer people in their fandom.

These were a bunch of (at least assumed) straight men openly embracing VISIBLY gay men in the early 2000's, which is actually pretty radical. Like it was not something that would get you any sort of cred at that time, if anything it was the opposite of what anyone would think their audience wanted. It was all 'no-homo' at that time, and these guys were shocking each others balls and putting stuff up each others asses on tv, without ever once pausing to posture their straightness. And as a result it's super unsurprising to me that they now have a lot of queer fans!

I think in a lot of ways Jackass is doing what John Waters does with his filmography, so it makes complete sense that he would make friends with Knoxville. They're both doing this kind of pushing of the boundaries of what is "respectable" or comfortable for a mainstream audience to watch is (at least according to Waters) a fundamentally queer way of making media. It rejects hetero-normative cultural standards about what should be seen on tv, stuff that gets talked down and rejected not because its doing any real harm (to anyone who isn't consenting) but because straight men are disturbed by seeing other men put their dicks in danger and brand their friends asses.

Actual quote from Steve-o: "We always thought it was funny to force a heterosexual MTV generation to deal with all of our thongs and homoerotic humor."

I'm not trying to say here that they're all actually queer or that Jackass is some sort of humanitarian creation, but I don't think they get the credit they deserve for the queerness of the media they created, and they definitely don't get credited for what I think is a pretty positive kind of masculinity in a time when that was far from the norm.

[sharpth1ng]

I forgot to show but bf got me a tiny functional switchblade 🖤