7.29.21
Ever just wish you could make yourself so fucking small you could disappear? That’s me, right now... I wish i could just vanish into thin air and never resurface. Fighting these thoughts in my head get harder by the day. it no longer matters what the scale reflects (well, it does but only if the number is higher, which it hasn't been in so many months, I’ve learned to control this part of me). What i cannot control, that's what scares me the most.
Its the ideal that bleeding to death would be a comfort nothing else could offer me... It is the idea that no longer existing is actually what is best for everyone around me... I mean, who would even miss me if i just stopped blogging, stopped showing up to work, if i just STOPPED showing up to everything...
Locking myself away is no longer sufficient and i need a release..
Starving myself for days on end is not providing me the euphoria it used to.. Honestly, I’m kinda scared of myself, the thoughts in my head, they just want it all to stop and I’m so tired of resisting...
