His life didn’t flash before his eyes. There was no white light. In the end it was just the few seconds he could see the oncoming car and then … nothing. No pain, no feeling, no anything.
Heaven was also not at all like Mike imagined it, and yet he couldn’t help the rueful smile. He opened his eyes to find himself standing in the middle of Harvey’s apartment. Of course. This wasn’t his heaven because of the slick lines or the sparkling city view. It was his heaven because this was the place he’d felt the happiest, the most at home.
He wandered around the space for a while. It was such a perfect facsimile that he felt like he was really there, standing in Harvey’s actual apartment. He didn’t feel much different than from when he was alive. Where were all the answers he was promised? If this was indeed his heaven why were there no pearly gates or choirs of angels or even just someone - anyone - to greet him?
Where were his parents? Grammy?
The sound of a key in the front door lifted his spirits. That must be them now. Grinning, he rushed to the entryway. But when the door opened it wasn't his parents or Grammy. It was Harvey, and he looked … there was no other word for it, he looked wrecked.
Mike was confused. If this was his heaven and Harvey was here, shouldn’t he be happy to see Mike? But then he walked straight past Mike as if he wasn't even there, as though he couldn’t see him at all.
“Harvey?” Mike asked tentatively as he trailed after him.
No reaction.
Harvey went straight to the wet bar, poured himself a scotch, and drowned it in one go before pouring another. He took the second drink over to the lounge, collapsing in the chair and drinking it, albeit slightly slower this time.
Mike sat down beside him. He said Harvey’s name again and again and again but there was still no reaction. Harvey was just staring off into space, looking utterly devastated. Something was wrong. Harvey was right there, close enough to touch, except when he tried, when he reached out his hand couldn't connect, just moved right through him. Harvey couldn’t see him, couldn’t hear him.
Maybe he wasn’t in heaven. Maybe he was in hell.
Mike didn’t know how long they stayed like that; Harvey staring off into space with glassy eyes, Mike hovering uncertainly by his side with no idea what was happening. The impasse was broken by the sound of Harvey’s phone. It was the text alert tone, and when Harvey pulled it out from his pocket Mike tried to angle himself to see what it said, in case it gave him some clue as to what was happening. But Harvey was too quick, throwing the phone aside after reading the message, and then hunching over, his head in his hands.
Mike reached out to put his hand on Harvey’s back. Not that it made any difference.
In the silence that followed Mike started to mourn for the loss of his life. There were still so many things he wanted for his life. He’d never travelled overseas. He’d never made it to name partner. He never saw the Mets win the world series. He never went to Comic-Con. He’d never won a landmark case or set any precedents. He’d never gotten married.
So many things he wanted to do and never did. Too many. But the worst of it was Harvey. Mike was desperately in love with him, and he’d never gotten the chance to tell him.
So he did it now. Because what could it hurt? This wasn’t real, he was in some kind of hell or purgatory or something. The real Harvey would never get to hear these words, so why not say it to this fake one?
“I love you, Harvey,” Mike murmured.
Harvey’s head snapped up, looking around the room as if he’d heard something. Mike froze, hope flickering in his chest, but when Harvey’s eyes passed over Mike there was no recognition. Mike hated himself for hoping, he hated God or whoever was responsible for this torture, he hated the driver who killed him and took him away from the man he loved.
The sound of a door opening and closing stole both their attention. Donna walked slowly into the apartment. She didn’t look that great. Mike wanted to make a joke, smile and say jeez who died and get them both laughing, but even if he could, even if they could hear him, he knew it wouldn’t work. Because he was the one who died, and the afterlife was taunting him over it.
“Harvey,” Donna said gently, but Harvey stood, taking a few steps away, his back to her as he stood at the empty fireplace.
“I can’t. I can’t go there. I can’t see…”
Mike looked between them, confused. Donna didn’t shy away, she walked right up to him and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. There was nothing sexual or romantic in her touch, but Mike felt the jealousy flair nonetheless. How come this fake Donna could touch this fake Harvey and yet Mike, who was the only real thing here, couldn’t?
“I know how hard this is for you.”
“No, Donna, you don’t,” he snapped, whirling around and shaking off her hand. “You have no idea how this feels. How angry and scared and useless I feel. How this is the one thing I can’t fix and it’s killing me. How all I can think about is how I wished it was me and not - and not…”
Donna wrapped her arms around him, and Harvey let her. Mike stood and walked away, attempting to give them some privacy. The moment felt too intimate, and even though he had no idea what they were talking about he knew it wasn’t good, and Harvey wouldn’t want Mike seeing him like this.
“I know you’re scared,” Donna said. “I am too. But Harvey, he’s not gone. He needs you.”
“I can’t. I can’t see Mike like that.”
What? Mike turned, taking a few steps toward them. What were they talking about?
“I know you know this, but I’m going to say it anyway. If your roles were reversed, if that car had hit you, then Mike-”
“Would’ve forced his way into my hospital room and never left my side,” Harvey said, smiling softly. “Yeah, I know.”
“Don’t you think he’d want you there with him?”
“Yes!” Mike cried, moving closer still. “Is that what’s happening? Am I lying in a hospital room somewhere?”
“I don’t think I’ll be able to handle seeing him like that.”
Mike’s mind was reeling. Was he still alive? Had his spirit just left his body, and somehow found Harvey? Maybe Harvey could take him back, reunite spirit and body, wake Mike up…
“Harvey, please. I need you.”
Harvey sighed. “Yeah, I know.”
Donna furrowed her eyebrows. “You know what?”
“That Mike needs me.”
Donna opened her mouth as though she was going to say something but in the end thought better of it. Instead she smiled reassuringly at him, before picking up his jacket and leading him out of the apartment.
Mike felt wired, overcome with hope. He wasn’t dead! Sure, he clearly wasn’t in the best health, and his soul had been separated from this body, but still. It wasn’t over. He headed towards the door, and suddenly…
… he was standing in a hospital room. It was blindingly bright after the dim mood lighting of Harvey’s apartment. He looked down and could see himself lying in the bed, covered in cuts and bruises, hooked up to too many machines.
Mike didn’t blame Harvey for not wanting to see Mike like this. In truth, standing there, Mike kinda didn’t want Harvey to see him like this either.
No sooner had the thought entered his head did the door to the room open and admit Harvey. He looked pale and drawn, and Mike automatically took a few steps towards him before he remembered. Harvey couldn’t see him, he couldn’t hear him, and he certainly wouldn’t be able to feel him if he reached out and put a comforting hand on his arm. So Mike just stood there, watched Harvey cross the room and gingerly sit in the uncomfortable looking chair beside his bed.
For the longest time Harvey didn’t say or do anything. He just sat there, unblinkingly looking at Mike. A tear silently streaked down Harvey’s cheek before he swiped it away, and Mike’s heart broke for him. For both of them.
“They said you’d want to hear my voice,” Harvey said at last, his tone low and rough. It was the best sound Mike had ever heard. “But I don’t know what to say. The whole drive over here, I kept thinking about it. What would I say to you, what magic words would bring you back to me. But there aren’t any words that will instantly wake you up, and I refuse to sit here and babble on about the weather or some shit. You wouldn’t want to hear that anyway, if you can hear me at all.”
“I can hear you,” Mike said desperately.
Harvey sighed. He eased forward in his chair and tentatively picked up Mike’s hand. Mike’s breath caught in his throat. He felt the touch like a tingling white light. “I can feel you,” Mike murmured. “Harvey, I can feel you.” He stepped closer. “Please tell me you can feel me too. I’m not gone, Harvey. Please.”
Harvey was looking down the bed towards Mike’s face. “You feel so real,” Harvey whispered. “Mike. Are you still here?”
“Yes!”
“There are so many things I want to tell you. Things I should’ve said a long time ago.”
Mike was torn between wanting to hear everything Harvey had never said and hoping Harvey would remain silent, that he would wait until Mike was awake so he could say it to his face.
“I give you my word, if you - no, when you wake up, I’ll tell you everything.”
Mike smiled softly. “I’m going to hold you to that.”
Harvey reverted back to silence then. He still kept hold of Mike’s hand, idly running his fingertips along the back of his hand, and Mike’s skin tingled at the touch. Time lost all meaning, and though Mike didn’t know how this had happened, how he’d become separated from his body or why he wasn’t going back, he was strangely calm about it. He probably should’ve been panicking, worrying about never waking up, but being in Harvey’s presence was like a relaxing tonic, and he didn’t worry. Despite having no idea about the extent of his injuries or his prognosis, he just had this weird faith that he’d be okay.
As the hours passed two separate doctors came in to check on him. Harvey spoke to both of them in quiet whispers, as though Mike was simply asleep and he was worried about waking him. Mike didn’t listen in on the conversation. He didn’t want to know, not right now anyway.
Mike watched the room slowly brighten with the morning sun. Harvey was still holding his hand, but he was resting his head on his folded arm on the end of Mike’s bed, obviously tired from the long night. His eyes were still wide open though, staring at Mike like … like he was afraid if he closed his eyes Mike might not be there again when he opened them.
When the door opened Mike expected it to be another doctor. Instead Louis walked in the door. Harvey sat, withdrawing his hand. Mike instantly missed the presence of his touch.
“How’s he doing?” Louis asked with clear concern.
“Stable,” Harvey replied. In other words: no change.
“You should get some rest.” When Harvey looked like he was going to object Louis continued with, “I’ll stay with him, make sure he isn't alone. Go get some food, have a shower, take a nap. Come back later. Mike will need you at full strength when he wakes up.”
Harvey managed to give Louis a weak smile. “Okay. Just give me a minute.”
Louis nodded, quietly exiting the room.
Harvey took Mike’s hand again. Mike felt the flare of warmth at the touch. He desperately didn’t want Harvey to leave, suddenly scared that if he left something bad would happen. And honestly, at that point, it wasn’t that he was scared of dying. He was basically half dead already. It was just, if he did end up moving on from this life, he didn’t want to do it alone. In many ways Mike finally started living the moment he met Harvey. If this was his fate, he didn’t want to go through it alone, he wanted Harvey by his side.
Harvey’s eyes roamed over Mike’s prone form. There was nothing of the poker face he was infamous for in his expression. The pain he was clearly feeling was obvious and Mike hated to see it.
“Please wake up,” Harvey said desperately, but there was no change, the monitors in the room continuing their monotonous tone. Harvey let out a shaky sigh, and he leaned down, pressing his lips to the back of Mike’s hand in farewell.
It felt like Mike’s chest was exploding with warm, white light. He tried to say Harvey’s name, but he couldn’t speak. The feeling spread throughout his body as Harvey crossed the room to leave. Mike reached out to him. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t move, he couldn’t --
Mike opened his eyes, taking in a large lungful of air. The machines he was hooked up to beeped loudly and when his vision came into focus all he could see was Harvey’s face, his watery eyes and shaky smile and blinding expression of relief.
“Mike!” he exclaimed, squeezing his hand. Mike no longer felt the same tingle when Harvey touched him, but that was okay, because this was real, and it felt a million times better. Mike tried to smile, but it hurt, now that he was awake everything hurt. “Thank God you’re okay.”
Mike tangled their fingers together, overwhelmed and confused and utterly relieved to be here, to be alive and breathing and holding Harvey’s hand. He smiled through the pain. “So,” Mike said, voice hoarse, “did you have something you wanted to tell me?”
CASTLES EVIL CALIFORINA DARKS DREAM ON THE CRIBS ALL BABBIES WHAAU HAAA ON GRIB ELLIE WAHU AAAA MOMMY DADDY SET ME FREE MOMMY DADDY SET FREE
ON THE DOWN STAIRS KING SHIRT HEAD EARS HAIR JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE ARMS LONGS SHOULDERS HANDS FINGERS FACE NECK LONG EYES RED NOSE MOUTH SING,S YOU ALL REMIND BABY ITS WOMEN POWER OF BABY POWER YOU TO REMIND BABY
ON THE ROOF HORNS EARS HEAD JOE JONAS ARMS SHOULDERS LONGS CRAWLS FACE NECK LONG EYES NOSE MOUTH SINGS DANCE MAGIC DANCE MAGIC DANCE DONT PUT BABY SPELL US JUMP MAGIC MAGIC JUMP BODYS LONGS LEGS DANCES CRAWLS PAWS
ON THE ROOF HORNS HEAD DEMI LOVATO ARMS SHOULDERS LONGS CRAWLS FINGERS FACE LONG NECK EYES MOUTH SINGS DANCE MAGIC DANCE MAGIC DONT BABY SPELL ON US MAGIC JUMP MAGIC DANCE MAGIC JUMP MAGIC JUMP BODYS LONGS LEGS CRWALS PAWS DANCES
ON THE ROOF HORNS SELENA GOMEZ ARMS SHOULDERS CRAWLS FINGERS FACE NECK EYES NOSE MOUTH SINGS DANCE MAGIC DANCE MAGIC DONT PUT BABY SPELL US JUMP MAGIC JUMP MAGIC LONGS LEGS TOES DANCES
ON THE ROOF SHIRT HEAD EARS HAIR JUSTINTIMBERLAKE ARMS SHOULDERS HANDS FINGERS FACE LONG EYES NOSE MOUTH SINGS OH SELL BABY SHE CRY MY BABY MY BABY GONE HALF I HATE SING BLUE NOBDOY KNOW ME BODY LONG LEGS DANCES FEETS
ON THE DOWNSTAIRS SHIRT MAN HEAD EARS HAIR JUSTINTIMBELAKE ARMS SHOULDERS HANDS FINGERS FACE LONG NECK EYES NOSE MOUTH SINGS OH WHAT KIND MAGIC BUT ON THERE KIDS THEY SMELL PUPPY BUTT TALES AND BABY SAID LONGS LEGS FEETS
ON THE ROOF HORNS HEAD MILEY CYRUS ARMS SHOULDERS LONGS CRAWLS FINGERS FACE LONG NECK EYES NOSE MOUTH SINGS ITS OUR MISTAKE SIR DANCE MAGIC DONT SLAP HER SET HER FREE DANCE MAGIC CRAWLS PAWS TOES DANCES
ON THE ROOF HORNS EARS HEAD KEVIN HART ARMS SHOULDERS LONGS CRAWLS FINGERS FACE LONG NECK EYES NOSE MOUTH SINGS SCARED RAIN ON AFAIRD MIND BRAINS DANCE MAGIC JUMP MAGIC DANCE MAGIC CRAWLS PAWS TOES DANCES
ON THE DOWNSTAIRS SHIRT MAN HEAD HAIR EARS JUSTINTIMBERLAKE ARMS SHOULDERS HANDS FINGERS FACE NECK EYES NOSE MOUTH SINGS DANCE MAGIC DANCE MAGIC MAGIC JUMP MAGIC JUMP MAGIC JUMP MAGIC LONGS LEGS DANCES FEETS
ON THE DOWNSTAIRS SHIRT MAN HEAD HAIR EARS JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE ARMS SHOULDERS HANDS FINGERS FACE LONG NECK EYES NOSE MOUTH SINGS OH SELL MY BABY CRY HARD SHE HARD WHAT CAN I DO MY GONE SHE I HATE BLUE SING NOBODY KNOW ME WHAT KIND MAGIC SPELL PUT ON THERE KIDS AND BABY SAY LONGS LEGS DANCE FEETS
ON THE DOWNSTAIRS SHIRT MAN HEAD EARS HAIR JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE ARMS LONGS SHOULDERS HANDS FINGERS LONGS FACE NECK EYES NOSE MOUTH SINGS DANCE MAGIC MAGIC DANCE JUMP MAGIC MAGIC JUMP DONT PUT BABY SPELL US SLAP THAT BABY BODY LONGS LEGS DANCES FEETS
ON THE DOWNSTAIRS SHIRT MAN HEAD EARS HAIR JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE ARMS SHOULDERS HANDS FINGERS FACE LONG NECK EYES NOSE MOUTH SING,S OH SELL MY BABY CRY HARD LESS SHE CRY WHAT CAN I DO MY BABY GONE I HATE SING BLUE NOBODY KNOW ME OOO WHAT KIND MAGIC SPELL USE THERE KIDS AND BABY SAID BODY LONGS LEGS FEETS DANCES
ON THE ROOF HORNS EARS HEAD KEVIN JONAS ARMS LONGS SHOULDERS CRAWLS FINGERS FACE LONG NECK EYES NOSE MOUTH SINGS DANCE MAGIC JUMP MAGIC JUMP DONT PUT SPELL ON US BODY DONT SLAP HER LONGS LEGS CRWALS TOES DANCES
ON THE ROOF HORNS EARS HEAD DANIELLE JONAS ARMS LONGS SHOULDERS CRAWLS FINGERS FACE LONG NECK EYES NOSE MOUTH SINGS MAGIC DANCE MAGIC DANCE MAGIC DONT PUT THAT BABY SPELL ON US DONT SLAP HER SET FREE DANCE MAGIC DANCE MAGIC BODY LONGS LEGS PAWS TOES DANCES
ON THE ROOF HORNS EARS HEAD SOPHIE TUNER JONAS ARMS LONGS SHOULDERS CRAWLS FACE LONG NECK EYES NOSE MOUTH SINGS OH SLAP SET HER FREEE ITS OUR MISTAKE SIR DANCE MAGIC MAGIC DANCE JUMP MAGIC DANCE MAGIC BODY LONGS LEGS PAWS FINGERS DANCES
ON THE ROOF HORNS EARS HEAD NICK JONAS ARMS LONGS SHOULDERS CRAWLS FINGERS FACE LONG FACE LONG NECK EYES NOSE MOUTH SING,S DANCE MAGIC DANCE MAGIC DANCE JUMP MAGIC BODY LONG LEGS PAWS TOES DANCES
ON THE ROOF HORNS EARS HEAD PRIYANKA CHOPRA JONAS ARMS LONGS SHOULDERS HANDS FINGERS FACE LONG NECK EYES NOSE MOUTH SING,S HOOOOO DANCE MAGIC HOOOOO DANCE MAGIC DANCE JUMP MAGIC BODY LONG LEGS PAWS TOES FINGERS DANCES
ON THE ROOF HORNS EARS HEAD TAYLOR SWIFT ARMS LONGS SHOULDERS CRAWLS FINGERS FACE LONG NECK EYES NOSE MOUTH SINGING DANCE MAGIC OOHOOH DANCE MAGIC HOOO DANCE MAGIC LONGS LEGS PAWS TOES DANCES
ON THE DOWNSTAIRS SHIRT MAN HEAD EARS HAIR JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE ARMS LONGS SHOULDERS HANDS FINGERS FACE LONG NECK EYES NOSE MOUTH SINGING DANCE MAGIC DANCE MAGIC JUMP MAGIC OH YOU ALL REMIND AS BABY BABE WOMEN POWER YOU TOO YOU ALL REMIND AS BABY BODY LONGS LEGS DANCES FEETS
ON THE ROOF HORNS EARS HEAD JOE JONAS ARMS LONG SHOULDERS CRAWLS FINGERS FACE LONG NECK EYES NOSE MOUTH SINGING DONT PUT THAT BABY SPELL ON US DONT SLAP HER SET FREE DANCE MAGIC DANCE MAGIC JUMP JUMP MAGIC DANCE MAGIC BODY LONGS LEGS PAWS TOES DANCES
ON THE ROOF HORNS EARS HEAD SOPHIE TURNER JONAS ARMS SHOULDERS CRAWLS FINGERS FACE LONG NECK NOSE MOUTH SINGING DONT PUT THAT BABY SPELL DONT SLAP HER SET HER FREE DANCE MAGIC DANCE MAGIC MAGIC JUMP MAGIC JUMP BODY LONGS LEGS PAWS TOES DANCES
ON THE ROOF HORNS EARS HEAD MILEY CYRUS ARMS LONGS SHOULDERS CRWALS FINGERS FACE LONG NECK EYES NOSE MOUTH SINGING DANCE MAGIC MAGIC DANCE JUMP MAGIC JUMP MAGIC MAGIC DANCE JUMP MAGIC DONT BABY SPELL US DONT SLAP HER SET HER FREE DANCE MAGIC JUMP MAGIC DANCE MAGIC BODY LONGS LEGS PAWS TOES DANCES
ON THE ROOF HORNS EARS HEAD KEVIN HART ARMS LONGS SHOULDERS FACE LONG NECK EYES NOSE MOUTH SINGING DONT PUT BABY SPELL US DONT SLAP HER SET HER FREE MAGIC DANCE MAGIC JUMP BODY LONGS LEGS PAWS TOES DANCES
ON THE DOWNSTAIRS SHIRT MAN HEAD EARS HAIR JUSTINTIMBERLAKE ARMS LONGS SHOULDERS HANDS FINGERS FACE LONG NECK EYES NOSE MOUTH SINGING WHAT KIND OF MAGIC USED THERE KIDS PUPPY BUTT TALES NOTHING RAISE THERE FEARS RAIN THUNDER DOG SPELL DANCE MAGIC JUMP MAGIC BODY LONGS LEGS DANCES FEETS
ON THE DOWNSTAIRS SHIRT MAN HEAD EARS HAIR JUSTINTIMBERLAKE ARMS SHOULDERS HANDS FINGERS SINGING DANCE MAGIC JUMP MAGIC DANCE MAGIC MAGIC JUMP MAGIC DANCE LONGS LEGS FEETS DANCES
Harvey/Mike & just because I want something - for justimberlake
You know that quote, about falling in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once. Well, that’s how realisation came to Mike.
It was the little things at first. Forgetting dates with Rachel when he and Harvey stayed late to work on their case, or forgetting plans he and Rachel had made and offering to stay back and help Harvey on cases that weren’t even his. He’d feel bad every time, apologetic in the face of Rachel’s soft disappointment, but then the same thing would happen again a few weeks later.
Then came the things he did on purpose. He’d hear Rachel on the phone with her parents, planning dinner for later in the week, and he’d get on his cell and organise a dinner meeting with a client for the same night (he’d tell Rachel that he was sorry but he knew she saw through the lie - she’d stopped trying to get Mike and her father to get along). And then a few weeks later she booked a meeting for them with one of the best wedding planners in the city, and Mike got inordinately angry about it, saying that they didn’t need it and he wasn’t interested in having a planner and why didn’t she tell him before organising the meeting before he stormed out.
And then Mike got arrested.
Everything focused down to that, to that one lie that was at the centre of their lives, and nothing else mattered. He was fighting for his life - they were all fighting for their lives - and Mike watched as the people he loved were targeted by someone who didn’t even really seem to want him, she wanted Harvey, and that was something Mike would never allow.
It had been weeks of fighting, and he and Harvey were working late in the office, prepping for the trial. It was late, long past midnight, and they were both exhausted but still here, always here. They were working on how to counter anything Donna or Rachel said if Gibbs called them to the stand, and Harvey said, in a tone that Mike couldn’t decipher, “You know, if you were actually married to Rachel then she’d have spousal privilege and we wouldn’t need to worry about her.”
And that was it, the moment of realisation: he didn’t want to marry Rachel.
He loved her, but he had been slowly pulling away for months, because he didn’t want to marry her. And the idea of Harvey talking about him marrying Rachel twisted at his insides in a way he didn’t anticipate, because Mike suddenly realised; all those things he thought he wanted with Rachel … he actually wanted them with Harvey.
It was surreal, sitting there in the middle of Harvey’s office, surrounded by boxes of files, Harvey’s beloved jazz filtering through the air, and all he could see was them, together, married, a tiny and perfect baby resting in Harvey’s arms, both of them so fucking happy.
“You okay?” Harvey asked, shaking Mike from his reverie.
“Yeah,” Mike croaked, even though he wasn’t okay, not at all.
He couldn’t deal with this now. It wouldn’t be fair to any of them if he dropped this bomb on the eve of trial. He’d fight for his life and if he won (he couldn’t even say when he won, because it honestly seemed so far out of the realm of possibility right now) he would get his life back in order and live it the way he wanted.
A week later and Mike was a free man. The first thing he did was quit his job. The second thing he did was break up with Rachel, who was understandably hurt and furious, things he could never imagine coming out of her mouth and he deserved every bit of it. The third thing he did was turn up on Harvey’s doorstep with a suitcase in hand.
Under appreciated song? Yorktown and One Last Time. I love both these songs sooooo much.
Song you relate to the most? Am I gonna be cliche and say Wait For It? Yes I am.
Lyric that took you a long time to figure out what they were saying? Pretty much all of Lafayette’s lyrics in Guns and Ships. Daveed Diggs is fucking amazing but between the speed and accent it took me a while to hear the actual words.
Mike was exhausted. It had been a solid week of late nights, he and Harvey sprawled in Harvey’s lounge, surrounded by a sea of paper. He’d stopped keeping track of time, because what was the point. He hadn’t seen the inside of his own apartment in days: Rachel had been popping by when she could, bringing fresh food and fresh clothes and fresh eyes. But she had a job that took up the better part of her day so mostly it was just him and Harvey, working like mad to find something, a loophole, a hidden precedent, anything to get them out of this mess.
Point being, he was sleep deprived and mentally exhausted and emotionally wrecked and Mike couldn’t be held responsible for his actions. Because when Harvey found something, when he reached out and slapped Mike on the arm to get Mike’s attention with his eyes still glued to the paper in front of him, when he handed over the heavy book with a grin and Mike read what he pointed to, the first words out of his mouth were, “Oh my God, Harvey, I could kiss you right now.”
Harvey chuckled in a way that was borderline hysterical (the man was probably even more sleep deprived than Mike: he was always still going when Mike nodded off and already up when Mike awoke). “I’m so relieved I could let you.”
Mike laughed, the sheer joy of possibility overtaking his weary body. He finally looked up and saw Harvey, grinning stupidly, and in that moment there was literally no one on the face of the earth who loved someone more than Mike loved Harvey. He saved him, once again Harvey saved him and Mike loved him and they were sitting so close, it was so easy, he leaned forward with every intention of -
Mike pulled back just as quickly, sobering in an instant. He looked away, just couldn’t see Harvey’s face and whatever expressions were currently colouring it because Mike knew none of the options would make him feel better.
“What’s wrong?” Harvey asked.
When Mike looked up, Harvey was staring intently at him. He couldn’t look away this time. Harvey started slowly moving towards him, the pace so infinitesimal Mike wondered if it was actually happening at all. “If I kissed you right now, I don’t think I’d ever be able to stop,” Mike confessed in a whisper, his mind too tired to conjure pretence.
“Who says I’d want you to?” Harvey challenged, and Mike wanted to groan with it, for finally having some hint that those long buried feelings might actually be reciprocated.
“We can’t,” Mike protested, and he hated how weak it sounded to his own ears.
Harvey didn’t say anything, but he didn’t stop moving either. He was so close now that Mike could feel his breath on his lips but before the gap could close completely Mike stood up, taking a few steps away. He looked out the windows to the constantly sparkling city as he took a deep breath. He couldn’t do it. He wanted to so fucking badly, but he couldn’t do that to Rachel, no matter how strongly he felt for Harvey too.
“Sorry,” Harvey said.
“Don’t be,” Mike replied, turning around. Harvey had stood from the couch but hadn’t made any steps towards Mike. “If things were different…”
Mike smiled weakly, gratified when Harvey returned it.
“I should go,” Mike said, reaching for his hoodie and shucking it on. Harvey nodded, didn’t try to stop him, didn’t say anything as Mike started to walk away.
Mike had made it a grand total of five steps before he was turning back, striding across the room with purpose, not stopping until he got to Harvey, throwing his arms around him and kissing him. It was the most desperate and urgent kiss he’d ever experienced, and somehow it wasn’t soured by the underpinning feeling of sadness. It was raw and real and Mike was right, it was near impossible to stop. He just wanted to drown in Harvey, to throw everything away because what else could possibly matter outside of them and this exultation of feelings between them.
But life didn’t work that way, Mike of all people knew that, and so he pulled away, knowing that this was their first and last and everything in between. Harvey let him go, looking dazed and wondered and Mike knew that this, walking away from Harvey in this moment, would be the hardest thing he’d ever do.
“In another life,” Mike whispered, and he didn’t even need to finish the thought, because Harvey was already nodding, and that right there was why Mike thought that Harvey could well have been his soulmate, that other half with which he couldn’t live without. Because Harvey knew that despite whatever was between them Mike still loved Rachel, and he was committed to her. And maybe things could’ve been different, if they found each other first, if they’d let themselves admit this back when they first met. But they didn’t, and Mike had Rachel now, and that was that.
This was their punishment. This was the price they paid for how they met, for what they did, the lies they told and crimes they committed. They might want each other, but they couldn’t be together, and they had their whole lives ahead knowing that things should be different and it was their own fault that they weren’t.
Mike, being the masochist he was, reached over and gently cupped Harvey’s face for a moment, and just as Harvey was reaching up to grasp his wrist Mike let his hand fall. The movement was too late, just like always. Timing had never been their strong suit. Maybe they’d get it right in their next lives. At least, Mike thought as he walked out of Harvey’s apartment, he really hoped they did.
justimberlake replied to your post “Someone still needs to explain to me what was the point of Donna's...”
NAILED IT!
goddamnloyalty-suits replied to your post “Someone still needs to explain to me what was the point of Donna's...”
Completely agree with everything you've written.
webbgirl34 replied to your post “Someone still needs to explain to me what was the point of Donna's...”
The scene really annoyed me. I felt like maybe it was a bone that the writers threw to the Darvey shippers. The whole omniscience thing makes me actively dislike Donna though. Even without anything else involved.
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