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(Endgame KageHina, unrequited IwaKage and YamaKage, VERY brief KuniKage, side TsukkiYama, implied IwaOi and KinKuni. Slight sexual themes.)

Iwaizumi Hajime was Kageyama’s first crush.

It was a creeping thing, so that he didn’t realize until his first year was almost gone. It didn’t come out of nowhere; looking back, his eyes would always end up on his senpai in the club room, guilt hanging in the pit of his stomach as he watched him change.

(The first time Kindaichi and Kageyama fought, it wasn’t over Kageyama’s attitude, but that he’d absentmindedly put on Kindaichi’s shirt while his attention was... elsewhere.)

((He didn’t really have to argue about it, but guilt and shame aren’t friends of reason.))

He’d watch Iwaizumi and Oikawa make plans, and feel things he didn’t know how to describe.

(He tried to ask along once, but the look Oikawa gave him made him think better, even as clueless as he might be.)

As their last game came to an end, Iwaizumi pat him on the back, and Kageyama felt naked.

He didn’t know it was a crush, though, until Iwaizumi laid a hand on his shoulder and wished him luck at graduation.

(He still wonders if Iwaizumi could tell.)

Kunimi Akira was Kageyama’s first kiss.

(Kageyama was Kunimi’s.)

It wasn’t a thing of feelings, or romance. They weren’t dating. They weren’t even friends. They were just on a bench together, some time after Iwaizumi had visited to check on his kouhai. Kageyama had been swimming in his feelings ever since, having put his inclinations aside until he saw his senpai again. And suddenly, it was a lot harder to not think about them, to wonder about boys and girls and where he was between them.

And Kunimi’s lips had looked so soft. And he wanted to know what it felt like, to kiss a boy. He wanted know if he really was gay.

It wasn’t a decision, really, but an impulse.

It lasted a second, before he pulled away, realizing his mistake.

Kunimi didn’t look disgusted or affronted, though. He just looked vaguely surprised. He was good at looking vague when it came to facial expressions. His eyes were just slightly wider, his eyebrows just lifted slightly higher, and his mouth just slightly open, and slightly curved downwards. It didn’t seem shocked, really. It looked more like he was told a secret he already knew, but wasn’t expecting the admission.

(He still wonders if Kunimi had known.)

As Kageyama was still in horror, red-faced and sweating, Kunimi’s face fell into his usual indifference. He considered a moment, shrugged, and leaned towards Kageyama.

And he still isn’t sure why, but Kageyama shoved him, and he feel off the bench and hit his head.

Kageyama didn’t apologize when they saw each other next. Kunimi didn’t ask for an apology. They didn’t really talk at all.

Yamaguchi Tadashi was Kageyama’s second (third?) crush.

It pissed him off, both because he wanted to hate the boy from association with Tsukishima, and because he had managed to once again forget what he was until he saw Yamaguchi’s kinder smile for the first time.

He could almost forget it, with how often he was with Tsukishima. If he stared (glared) too long, though, his mind would wander. He’d think about that smile, and those freckles, and about that voice of his, so excitable and sweet.

And Yamaguchi would inevitably notice, and turn his head away, nervous.

And Kageyama could break free, and forget it again.

The worst was when Yamaguchi had taken him to the nurse’s office. She’d been out, so Yamaguchi had sat him down on the bed, and cheerfully assured him he’d stay until the nurse came back, grabbing a wad of tissues, sitting right by him and pressing them to his nose.

It reminded him of that moment, a year ago, when Kunimi had been sitting by him, and Kageyama’s body had moved without his permission. He had more self control, this time around.

(He should really give Kunimi a call, or send him a letter, or anything. His pride kept him from saying it, but he did feel guilty.)

((Then again, Kunimi had seemed pretty pleased to fluster Kindaichi by saying he’d already had his first kiss and refusing to say who it was.))

(((Seeing them again at Aoba Johsai, he’d see the way Kunimi would smile smugly whenever he caught Kindaichi staring, and wonder how different his life would be if he hadn’t shoved Kunimi that day.)))

It was more relieving than painful when he realized what Tsukishima was to Yamaguchi.

It was less relieving when he walked in on them in a storage room.

(It was the first time he had seen anything but smug, irritated, or indifferent on Tsukishima’s face. He often finds himself asking how Yamaguchi could possibly be that powerful on his knees.)

It opened up too many questions. He liked boys, he knew that even if it was hard to come to terms with, but did he like them like... that? Would he want to be with them that way? Could he ask them something like this?

He’d spend more time on his computer that night than he should.

Hinata Shouyou would be his first boyfriend. Maybe the last. It wasn’t possible to tell.

He wasn’t sure how they got there. He also wasn’t sure how it’d taken them so long. He also wasn’t even sure they were boyfriends; they just kissed a lot. And spent a lot of time together. And hold hands.

And on one occasion, they shared a bed.

(It was a lot like how they started. Hinata had tackled him while they were competing, arguing. Hinata had smiled, feeling like he’d won. Kageyama had turned red, wrists held by the smaller boy. He didn’t remember how that led to them making out.)

((It was a lot like how they started. Hinata was on top of him.))

That probably made them boyfriends. Right?

He’d try to ask Yamaguchi, but whenever he asked to talk to him alone, Tsukishima, sour look on his face, would suddenly announce they had plans and lead Yamaguchi away.

(They must be doing something fun, Kageyama thinks, since Yamaguchi is always glowing the next time he sees him, and it doesn’t seem to bother him that he has trouble sitting, or that he has bruises dotted around his collar bone.)

((Kageyama is not bright enough to connect the dots.))

He should really ask Hinata, but whether they’re arguing until the tension leads to intimacy, or if they’re calm and quiet for once, Hinata’s warmth curled around him, he has to wonder if it matters if they have a word for what they were.

#kagehina #iwakage #kunikage #yamakage #kageyama tobio #kagetadashi #hinakage #kagekuni #kinkuni #tsukkiyama #iwaoi #haikyuu