Got a comment on my latest Kaifumi fic, Dismantle. Repair., asking for elaboration regarding the song choice for it (Dismantle. Repair. by Anberlin) so I guess I'll copy/past my amateur analysis here (please don't laugh I am not an expert at this kinda thing and I wrote it at work lol)
Four weeks felt like years
Since your full attention was all mine
This is very winter performance specific. Kai and Fumi's bond as partners has been severed, and if you're looking at them through a shipping lens, then this time apart would definitely feel like forever if one or both of them already had feelings for the other.
And you say, oh, whoa
Things are gonna change now, for the better
And oh, whoa, things are gonna change
Oh, they're gonna change
So yes, their bond as partners has been severed, but Fumi knows that it's a good thing, because Kai has been so shackled by his devotion to being a vessel that his true talent as an individual actor hasn't had the chance to shine through. Likewise, Fumi also has the chance to branch out and improve his acting skills, and when they both are free to grow as individuals, the day will come where they can stand on the stage again, but this time as true partners and not just a flower and a vessel.
I am the Patron Saint of Lost Causes
A fraction of who I once believed
Change, only a matter of time
Opinions, I will try and rewrite
In the context of this fic, Fumi is the Patron Saint of Lost Causes for Kai. Kai has all but given up and his (already disastrously low) self-confidence as an actor has evaporated, so much so that he turns down the Tamasaka Troupe's offer (and he doubles down on his 'unworthiness' even when Kaido points out all the awards he's won as Jack Ace). I feel like Fumi's always held an unspoken opinion that Kai could shine on his own (and actually he does say this to Kisa during the fall performance prep when he's telling her about their history as partners), and that him turning down the offer was the last straw. Fumi goes to Kai, knowing that he doesn't like to listen to him, with the conviction to finally make him listen and hopefully rewrite Kai's negative opinion of himself.
Hands, like secrets
Are the hardest thing to keep from you
Lines and phrases, like knives
Your words can cut me through
These two have been partners on stage for a year now, and even though Kai is reserved and doesn't like talking, he does tell Fumi what's on his mind sometimes (biggest example of this that comes to mind is backstage during Mary Jane, where Kai tells Fumi to break the performance and do what he wants). Likewise, even though he knows Kai likes to brush off what he says sometimes, Fumi still goes to him and tells him what's on his mind, even if his words manage to cut Kai like a knife, but it's worth it to Fumi if that gets Kai to see how important he is to Quartz (and to Fumi specifically).
Dismantle me down
Repair
You dismantled me
You dismantled me
Even though Kai and Fumi's bond as partners has been dismantled, they still care about each other so much and want to see each other shine upon the stage, and eventually when they've both grown enough, they can repair their bond and stand upon the stage as partners again.
Give me time to prove
Prove I want the rest of yours
Prelude
Call this a prelude to a lifetime of you
Fumi helping Kai to see his self-worth and the true depth of his acting talent keeps him in the world of theater, giving them both time to process their growing feelings for each other until they get to the point where they can share those feelings with each other, sending them on a path where they do spend the rest of their lives together <3
Save me from myself (ooh, ooh)
Save me from myself (ooh, ooh)
Help me, save me from myself (ooh, ooh)
Save me from myself (ooh, ooh)
Kai is definitely his own worst enemy, and I think Fumi knows this very well, and he's willing to do whatever it takes to save him, even if that involves making Kai listen to him say things that the latter would rather not hear.
And that's it for mediocre music ship analysis time with me lol
Summary: In the midst of dealing with the trials and tribulations concerning the winter performance, Fumi reaches a breaking point when he finds out that Kai turned down his offer to join the Tamasaka Troupe.
After a quick conversation with Neji, Fumi seeks out Kai that same night, and they air out their complicated feelings about their bond as partners being severed.
(Song: Dismantle. Repair. - Anberlin)
The chilly winter air seemed all the more bitter tonight as Fumi swiftly made his way across the Univeil grounds. The preparations for "Oh, Rama Havenna" were proving to be a struggle for all of Quartz, but the only person on Fumi's mind right now was Kai.
He had already checked the dorms and Kai wasn't in his room, which was strange, considering how late it was. After doing a quick sweep of the courtyard and dance studio, Fumi headed towards Quartz's training room.
Fumi hadn't been prepared for how much it hurt to hear Kai say that he was turning down his offer to join the Tamasaka Troupe. He knew that Kai was an actor brimming with untapped talent, but he couldn't see it himself, and that was incredibly frustrating...especially since Fumi knew that he had played a part in Kai's lack of self-esteem by not supporting him properly. He couldn't just let Kai shoulder the entire burden of their shaken up role structure for this performance.
Kai had a tendency to push other people away and brush off their advice, but Fumi wasn't going to back down this time. He was going to make Kai listen to what he had to say, one way or another.
When Fumi approached the door to the training room, he heard the muffled footfalls of someone dancing. Pushing the door open slightly, Fumi peeked into the room and saw the breathtaking sight of Kai's dancing. It was dance from "Compass Line", and Fumi's chest tightened.
As the Al Jeanne to his Jack Ace, Fumi had always had an up close and personal view of how beautifully Kai danced, acted, and sang. It hurt to know that most people had only been focused on Fumi and not his talented partner.
Fumi was frustrated with himself for not really noticing how well Kai could shine as a performer, but Kisa's decision to become his vessel for "Weekend Lesson" managed to shift Fumi's perspective on the matter. Kai could shine on his own, but he wouldn't let himself after being shoved into his vessel role for so long. Seeing Kai's devastated reaction to the role announcements for "Oh, Rama Havenna" broke Fumi's heart, and he couldn't just sit by and let Kai be crushed by the weight of his insecurities.
"I am the dream-eating tapir..."
Fumi's eyes went wide when Kai's strong voice filled the empty training room. The pressure that was radiating off of him was intense. Fumi continued watching as Kai acted out the entirety of "The Dream-Eating Tapir and Me" on his own. It was...brilliant.
However, something seemed off about Kai. He slipped into his role as the minister to Hasekura to Jacob, before moving right into a dance and song back-to-back. He was shining all on his own, but Fumi frowned when Kai stopped, panting heavily as he stood in the middle of the room. When he hung his head and squeezed his eyes shut before muttering a curse, Fumi couldn't sit back and watch anymore.
Pushing the door open, Fumi walked into the room, and Kai jerked his head up. He watched with wide eyes as Fumi continued until he was standing before Kai, who shifted nervously on his feet and averted his gaze.
"Ah, Fumi...What are you doing here?" Kai asked, his voice quiet, defeated. Fumi chewed on his bottom lip as he worked out what to say, and he decided not to beat around the bush.
"I was looking for you. I'm worried about you, Kai."
Kai winced and rubbed at the back of his neck. "You don't have to worry about m-"
"I can and I will." Fumi firmly interrupted as he huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. Kai stared at him silently, his brow furrowed. "I see that you're hurting. Turning down the Tamasaka Troupe offer, neglecting your own practice to help everyone else. It's like...you've given up."
Kai hung his head again, and Fumi pursed his lips when he slowly shook it. "I-I'm sorry, I'm not good enough, Fumi...It's my fault everyone is struggling with this performance, because I couldn't properly fulfill my role as your vessel..."
"Kai, listen to me." Fumi reached up to cup Kai's face and stared deep into his striking gold eyes. He waited until he was sure that he had Kai's full attention before continuing.
"You can't take all of the blame for this. Listen." Fumi pressed a finger to Kai's lips when he tried to protest, effectively silencing him. "Like I couldn't support Tsuki, I couldn't support you either, so I'm sorry for that."
"And...it hurts me to see you settling as a vessel when I see you working so hard and know how much talent you have. I want to see you shine like a star too."
Kai clenched his jaw as he averted his gaze and gave his head a shake. "We're different people-"
Fumi's frustration boiled over and he grabbed Kai's arm. "I'm sick of hearing you say that!" He didn't mean to shout, and he winced when he saw the hurt and confused look on Kai's face.
"Kai..." Fumi continued in a much gentler tone, "Sure, we're different, but I can't sit by anymore and let you give up and destroy yourself. I care about you."
Fumi let go of Kai's arm so that he could grab his hand instead. His heart hammered hard within his chest as Kai inhaled sharply, and Fumi couldn't help but smile when Kai gave his hand a squeeze instead of pushing him away like he expected.
"I don't want to just be a flower for you to hold up anymore." Fumi's voice dropped to a whisper, and he stared deep into Kai's eyes as he spoke. "I want to be your equal, your rival...and someday I want to kick ass on stage again with you as my partner."
"You're an important person to Quartz...and to me, even though I've done a piss-poor job of showing you that," Fumi continued, blinking away tears as a complicated mess of emotions bubbled up dangerous within him. "So please...take care of yourself more. Love yourself like we all love you." A long, agonizing silence followed as Kai stared at Fumi, who felt like he was being suffocated by the tension between them.
"F-Fumi..." Kai finally said to break the silence, and that was all he could choke out before bursting into tears. Fumi's jaw went slack in shock; he'd never seen Kai like this before, and his heart clenched painfully at the sight.
'Well, now I've made him cry. Great job, Fumi,' he scolded himself in his head. Without saying a word out loud, he slowly wrapped his arms around Kai and pulled him into a gentle embrace. Kai tensed up for a moment, until he fell limp and returned the hug, sobbing harder. He clung so tightly to Fumi that it almost hurt, but Fumi didn't care; he'd endure any pain if it gave Kai the comfort and support that he had deprived him of all this time.
They stood in silence for who knows how long. Fumi patiently held Kai the entire time, until Kai broke that silence in the most surprising way possible:
"Fumi...Thank you," Kai whispered into Fumi's ear. Fumi's chest tightened as he pressed his face into Kai's shoulder, finally letting the tears that had welled up in his eyes flow free. He didn't think he deserved even an ounce of thanks, but Fumi would cherish it all the same.
When they both had composed themselves, Fumi lifted his head, and the soft smile on Kai's face took his breath away. Fumi took Kai's hand again, but this time, he boldly entwined their fingers. He chuckled when Kai's cheeks flushed pink, and Fumi looked him right in the eye as he spoke:
"You've always lived for other people, but if you turn that attention toward yourself...If anything, I'd be happy."
Kai looked like he was about to cry again, but instead his smile grew wider as he gave Fumi's hand a squeeze. He then leaned down until his forehead was pressed against Fumi's, causing the latter's face to catch fire and sending his heartbeat off to the races.
"I...I'll try," Kai whispered, and really, that was all that Fumi could ask for.
Fumi found himself smiling back at Kai as a comforting warmth blossomed within his chest; he'd ponder what that feeling meant at a later time. For now, Fumi tugged Kai towards the door and gestured to the window with his head.
"It's pretty late, so let's head back to the dorm," he said, "and it's pretty clear out tonight. We can walk slow and look at the stars, yeah?"
Kai answered with a slight smile and nod, and they both took their leave, their hands still clasped tightly together. He didn't know when it would happen, but Fumi had a feeling that things were going to change, and for the better. However, that didn't stop him from looking forward to the day when he could stand beside Kai on stage as his partner again...and perhaps off of the stage as well.
Ugh, writing has been a struggle lately, but I finally managed to work on the Kaifumi winter angst some more, because I am Very Normal about them (lie)
"I-I'm sorry Fumi…I couldn't properly fulfill my role as your vessel-"
"Kai, listen to me." Fumi cupped Kai's face and stared deep into his striking gold eyes, and he waited until he was sure that he had Kai's full attention before continuing.
"You can't take all of the blame for this. Listen." Fumi pressed a finger to Kai's lips when he tried to protest, effectively silencing him. "I couldn't support Tsuki, and I couldn't support you either, so I'm sorry for that."
"And…it hurts me to see you settling as a vessel when I see you working so hard and I know how much talent you have. I want to see you shine like a star too."
Kai clenched his jaw as he averted his gaze and gave his head a shake. "We're different people-"
Fumi's frustration boiled over and he grabbed Kai's arm. "I'm sick of hearing you say that!" He didn't mean to shout, and Fumi winced when he saw the hurt and confused look on Kai's face.
"Kai…" Fumi continued in a much gentler tone, "Sure, we're different, but I can't sit by anymore and let you give up and destroy yourself. I care about you."
Fumi let go of Kai's arm so that he could grab his hand instead, and he slowly entwined their fingers together. His heart hammered hard within his chest as Kai inhaled sharply, and Fumi couldn't help but smile when Kai gave his hand a squeeze instead of pushing him away like he expected.
"I don't want to just be a flower for you to hold up anymore." Fumi's voice dropped to a whisper, and he stared deep into Kai's eyes as he spoke. "I want to be your equal, your rival…and someday I want to kick ass on stage again with you as my partner."
"You're an important person to Quartz…and to me, even though I've done a piss-poor job of showing you that," Fumi continued, blinking away tears as a complicated mess of emotions bubbled up dangerously within him. "So please…take care of yourself more. Love yourself like we all love you." A long, agonizing silence followed as Kai stared at Fumi, who felt like he was being suffocated by the tension between them.
"F-Fumi…" Kai finally said to break the silence, and that was all he could choke out before bursting into tears. Fumi's jaw went slack in shock; he'd never seen Kai like this before, and his heart clenched painfully at the sight.
'Well, now I've made him cry. You're horrible, Fumi,' he scolded himself in his head, and without saying a word out loud, he slowly wrapped his arms around Kai and pulled him into a gentle embrace. Kai tensed up for a moment, until he fell limp and returned the hug, sobbing harder. He clung so tightly to Fumi that it almost hurt, but Fumi didn't care; he'd endure any pain if it gave Kai the comfort and support that he had deprived him of all this time.
They stood in silence for who knows how long. Fumi patiently held Kai the entire time, until Kai broke that silence in the most surprising way possible:
"Fumi…thank you," Kai whispered into Fumi's ear. Fumi's chest tightened as he pressed his face into Kai's shoulder, finally letting the tears that had welled up in his eyes flow free.
“i can make the pain better, all I need is one more day with her”
— michael kaiser x tofumi [🌹🦋]
𝑨𝑻 𝑨 𝑮𝑳𝑨𝑵𝑪𝑬... player x manager, star x biggest fan, artist x muse, idiots in love, mutual pinning, yapper x yapper, parallel themes, “i could fix him but whatever's wrong with him is much more interesting.”
Got some angst flavored Kaifumi brainworms rattling around in my head currently, inspired by the song Dismantle. Repair. by Anberlin, which I think is very fitting for them *coughWinterPerformancecough*
"F-Fumi…" was all that Kai managed to choke out before bursting into tears. Fumi's jaw went slack in shock; he'd never seen Kai like this before, and his heart clenched painfully at the sight. Without a word, Fumi slowly wrapped his arms around Kai and pulled him into a gentle embrace. Kai tensed up for a moment, until he fell limp and returned the hug, sobbing harder. He clung so tightly to Fumi that it almost hurt, but Fumi didn't care; he'd endure any pain if it gave Kai the comfort and support that Fumi had deprived him of all this time.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
Title: Mistletoe Mischief
Fandom: Jack Jeanne
Pairing: Kai/Fumi
Word count: 2296
Warnings: None
Summary: It’s Christmas Day at Univeil, and there’s only one person that Fumi wants to spend it with. Luckily for him, Kai feels the same way, and they have a great time together…until some mistletoe mischief stirs up rather deep feelings of longing between the two of them.
Christmas Day at Univeil was a day that was always buzzing with excitement, due to the natural joy of the holiday and the leftover adrenaline from the winter performances that had concluded the day before. The Quartz dorm had been especially lively, as they had managed to win first place again, and Fumi had been one of those students who was still riding that high.
“Looks like it’s finally quieted down here,” he said when he stepped inside the dorm that evening, casting a sidelong glance at Kai, who smiled and answered with a nod. When Fumi had left his room in the morning, there was only one person that he wanted to spend this special day with. Kai was his best friend after all, but lately Fumi’s feelings for him had been dangerously towing that thin line between friendship and something more...
Kai had gotten gifts for the children at the church that he frequently volunteered at, so Fumi had tagged along to help him hand them out and play with the kids. It warmed Fumi’s heart to see them so happy, and how much they absolutely adored Kai. After they had eaten some cake together, the children begged for a dance from Quartz’s Jack Ace and Al Jeanne, and Fumi certainly wasn’t going to deny them that...partially for selfish reasons, he had to admit.
Fumi tried to act nonchalant about not being paired with Kai for the winter performance, but he would be lying to himself if he said that it hadn’t left him with mixed feelings. Sure, it had given him the opportunity to branch out and try out a Jack role that he had truly enjoyed by the end of it, but that wasn’t quite enough to stave off the loneliness that consumed him due to being apart from Kai. Fumi had missed being close to his Jack Ace terribly, but that feeling extended to times when they weren’t performing. It was then the realization hit him that it all stemmed from the fact that Fumi wanted to be closer to Kai off the stage as well.
“Thanks again for coming with me, Fumi.”
Kai’s voice pulled Fumi from his thoughts, and he smiled as he placed a hand on his hip. “It was pretty fun. Thanks for inviting me. You know...you’re really something, Kai. Those kids are lucky to have someone as kindhearted as you in their lives.” He cocked his head to one side when Kai averted his gaze; was that a blush on his cheeks?
“It’s nothing, really...” he mumbled. A small smile crossed his face when he looked back at Fumi. “...and, it was nice to spend time together again after being separated for the winter performance.”
Fumi’s heart clenched at that, and he shoved his hands into his coat pockets as he let out a deep sigh. “Yeah, it was weird not being by your side on stage. But, you were really cool as the priest.”
“And you played Miguel so well that anyone watching their first Univeil performance would have mistaken you for a career Jack,” Kai said, and Fumi felt his face start to burn; Kai really had no idea the effect that his earnest compliments had on Fumi.
“That really means a lot, coming from our Jack-What in the world is this?” Fumi cut himself off when they turned down the hallway leading to their rooms. Pinned to each and every door was a large bundle of mistletoe, and Fumi immediately knew that this was Neji’s handiwork; what was he plotting this time?
“It looks like Kuro’s been redecorating.” Fumi sighed and shook his head when they stopped in front of Kai’s door. “Mistletoe, eh? You know what that means, right Kai?”
Fumi grinned when Kai lifted a fist to his face and cleared his throat; he looked so endearing when he was flustered. It wouldn’t hurt to tease him a little bit...
“Heh, you know...we haven’t had any kissing scenes in our performances so far,” Fumi said, a sly grin crossing his face as he tapped his chin. “But Kuro’s unpredictable, so we might need to practice to make sure that we’re ready for anything.”
Fumi spoke in jest; he knew there was no chance that he and Kai would be paired together again on stage. It was a necessary change in order for both of them to grow as performers, but that didn’t stop that pit of loneliness from permeating Fumi’s heart again at the thought of it.
“Ah, r-right...” Kai trailed off, and Fumi pretended not to notice his heart flutter when Kai’s cheeks turned a cute shade of pink. Deciding that he had teased him enough, Fumi started to turn away, with the intent of bidding Kai farewell for the night.
However, he froze when a large hand cupped his cheek, and Fumi sucked in a sharp breath as his attention snapped back to Kai. His bright golden eyes were locked onto Fumi’s deep crimson, and Fumi’s heart was beating so fast he thought it might burst from his chest. Well, he wasn’t entirely surprised that Kai had taken his joke seriously, but there was no harm in it; Kai would just end up kissing his own thumb, obviously.
Fumi let his eyes slip shut, and his heart pounded as he felt Kai’s face get closer to his. When Fumi felt his breath on his lips, he relished in the closeness, because as soon as Kai faked the kiss he would pull away...
...at least, that’s what Fumi expected to happen. What he did not expect was feeling something soft and warm press against his lips. His eyes shot open to find that Kai was in fact kissing him for real...and Fumi really, really liked it.
Oh...Oh no...
After a few moments, Kai pulled away, allowing Fumi’s jaw to drop as he tried to process what had just happened. His lips felt like they had caught on fire, and his mind was reeling so hard that he didn’t quite catch what Kai said to him.
“Eh?” Fumi questioned after he had given his head a shake to bring him back to his senses.
“Was...that good?” Kai repeated with a tilt of his head, and Fumi blurted out the first thing that came to his mind in his flustered state:
“K-Kai! You’re supposed to kiss your thumb!”
Kai blinked slowly, and his eyes went wide as he jerked his head to the side and rubbed at the back of his neck. “Ah, s-sorry! I...forgot...”
The flustered yet distressed look that crossed Kai’s face made Fumi’s heart clench, so he quickly said, “It’s fine! It-It wasn’t...bad or anything.”
“O-Oh, um, t-that’s...”
Kai’s face was flushed as red as Fumi’s felt, and an awkward tension thick enough to cut with a knife suddenly engulfed the both of them. If Neji was actually the one responsible for this mistletoe mischief, Fumi was going to kill him...
“Oho...Now what do we have here?”
“Speak of the devil...” Fumi mumbled under his breath, slowly turning his head until he was glaring daggers at their class leader. He looked between the two of them, humming while adjusting his glasses over his squinted eyes. Kai seemed to squirm under Neji's gaze, and all Fumi wanted to do was knock some sense into him.
“Are you two perhaps practicing some...Im! Prov! Is! Ation?” Neji asked in his usual loud, exaggerated manner, causing Fumi to roll his eyes and sigh.
“So, I was right in assuming that this was your doing?” Fumi ignored his question, and he made sure that his annoyance was evident in his tone. He pointed to the mistletoe, and Neji beamed at him, before barking out a laugh.
“Corrrrrrrrect!” Neji twirled around in place with his arms stretched out. “Well, my new decorations were indeed intended to inspire some improv, but I didn't think you two would take it so seriously. I thought I was watching an actual pair of lovers, hehehe!” Kai stared at the floor, shifting his weight and looking rather uncomfortable, while Fumi narrowed his eyes as Neji tapped at his chin, a sly smirk crossing his face.
“Why, it even looked like you were actually kissing!”
“You should get your eyes checked then,” Fumi mumbled as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Kai and I both know how to fake a kiss.”
Neji laughed and pat Fumi’s shoulder, before doing the same to Kai’s. “Oh, I’m very aware of that! Very, very aware.”
Kai and Fumi shared a glance, and both were quick to find anywhere else to look. Neji was a theater genius, so Fumi knew that he saw right through his pitiful attempt at lying. He stole another look at Kai, who somehow looked even more uncomfortably flustered, so Fumi let out an annoyed huff and waved a hand at Neji.
“You always like stirring up trouble, Kuro,” Fumi grumbled, glowering at him.
“It’s all in good fun, though!” Neji dodged Fumi’s mostly playful swat, and he skipped his way down the hall. “Anyway, you two have given me some inspiration of my own, so thank you, and have a Merry Christmas!” With that, Neji ran off while jotting furious notes on a small pad of paper and mumbling to himself.
Fumi watched him go, and he let out a tired sigh as he turned back to Kai. “What a troublemaker. He’s lucky I like him most of the time...”
Kai chuckled and nodded; Fumi was happy to see that his discomfort had receded at least a bit. “Kokuto has always been eccentric. In hindsight, we should have expected something like this.”
“Right...”
A heavy silence fell between them, making the roaring of Fumi’s heartbeat in his ears all the more deafening. Kai rubbed at the back of his neck as he stared at his feet, and Fumi swallowed thickly, deciding to finally free the both of them from this awkward tension.
“So...It’s getting pretty late,” he said, the disappointment in his tone a bit too obvious. Kai nodded slowly, lifting his gaze back to Fumi’s, and the latter was perplexed at the lonely look he saw in Kai’s pretty eyes.
“Right, we should get to bed. Merry Christmas, Fumi. I had a good time today...ah, with you.” A shy smile crossed Kai’s face, causing Fumi to raise an eyebrow as he tried to ignore the butterflies in his stomach. “I’d really like to spend New Years with you too...if that’s okay?”
Fumi’s eyes widened at that, and he mirrored Kai’s smile and nodded. “Yeah, I’d love to. I’m glad I got to spend today with you, Kai. Merry Christmas.”
Kai’s soft gaze lingered on Fumi for a few long seconds, and he smiled rather fondly before he went into his room, causing Fumi’s heart to skip a beat. He stared at the door for a few moments, before heading to his own across the hall.
When Fumi entered his room and closed the door, he pressed his back to it and let himself slide to the floor. His heart was pounding, and his face felt like it had been set on fire, so much so that sweat had started to bead on his forehead.
Curling his trembling hands into fists and closing his eyes, Fumi waited for the pent-up tension to recede from his body. After Neji had left, it had taken all of Fumi’s willpower not to grab Kai and kiss him again, and again, and again, until both of them were left breathless and aching for more.
Fumi let out a long sigh and propped his elbow against his knee before holding his head in one hand. “Honestly, that man...making me feel this way...” His other hand slowly moved up to his face, his fingers brushing his lips; he could still feel the lingering warmth of Kai’s pressed against them. A deep pit of longing bubbled up within Fumi’s gut, and he swallowed thickly to keep the taste of bile from rising up in his throat.
“Kai, my Jack Ace...”
Meanwhile, across the hall, Kai was in a similar position as Fumi: sitting on the floor with his back pressed against the door to his room. His head was cradled in his hands while he took slow, deep breaths to try and calm his rapidly-beating heart.
Kai wasn’t an idiot. He was as well-versed in all things theater as the rest of the graduating seniors, and that included the knowledge of how to fake a kiss for the stage. It should have been the easiest thing in the world for him, but when he leaned in closer and closer to Fumi’s face, Kai’s mind went blank and his intense need to be even closer to his most treasured friend took over.
Lifting a hand to his face, Kai brushed his fingers over his lips, causing his cheeks to flush. He wanted to curse himself for breaking that kiss far, far too soon. As the warmth of Fumi’s lips against his faded away, a frigid longing gripped his heart so tightly that Kai felt tears start to prick at the corners of his eyes. Why...Why did this feeling hurt so much?
“Fumi, my Al Jeanne...”
Both men sat in their respective positions for far too long, and they only moved when their limbs started to cramp up. Kai and Fumi retired to bed, with their hearts scarred by their intense yearning for each other. However, as they both slipped off to sleep, smiles crossed their faces as they whispered the same words that helped to ease their longing for each other, if only for a moment:
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
Title: Not as Jack Ace and Al Jeanne, or as Vessel and Flower, but as Kai and Fumi
Fandom: Jack Jeanne
Pairing: Kai/Fumi
Word count: 2368
Warnings: None
Summary: After being separated during their last two performances at Univeil, Fumi and Kai dance together again, and their unspoken feelings for each other are finally brought to light.
The Quartz training room was as much of a home to Fumi as the rest of Univeil had been, maybe even more so since he spent most of his time there, honing his skills as a performer. Maybe that’s why, even though he had recently graduated, Fumi found himself there yet again, dancing the day away.
As his body seemed to move of its own accord to the dance from The Sleepless King, Fumi let his mind wander. His time at Univeil had been an unforgettable experience, filled with sorrow and laughter, friendships and rivalries, and many challenges and achievements. It was bittersweet to leave it all behind, but he was excited to see how his time with the Tamasaka Troupe would help him grow, and he was happy that he wouldn’t be the only Quartz graduate to be joining them.
Fumi was glad that both Neji and Kai would still be by his side, but Kai especially. Even though their relationship as Al Jeanne and Jack Ace had gotten off to a rocky start, he had become one of Fumi’s most treasured friends, and the best partner that he could have ever asked for. They had helped each other through the rough patches that they had faced in their final year at Univeil, even when they were forced apart towards the end.
Fumi knew that it had to happen so that both of them could grow further as performers and experience the stage without being tethered to each other. He himself had grown exponentially even in this short time, and he had noticed that Kai had as well, and Fumi was relieved that they were not going their separate ways for now.
But that wasn’t enough for Fumi; he wanted to be closer still to Kai. He missed creating beautiful performances with the man who had been his partner for the past two years, but even that wasn’t enough. Fumi wanted that closeness even when they were off of the stage...and that was because he had fallen in love with Kai.
Kai’s presence gave Fumi a kind of peace that he had never felt before, and he knew that Kai was the person who understood - and had helped him overcome - his struggles the most. Fumi had also always been there when Kai needed help, even though he was terrible at asking for it. Those nights they spent on Mount Oodate having deep conversations that they couldn’t have with anyone else were some of Fumi’s most precious memories, and Fumi couldn’t imagine having anyone else by his side.
Not knowing if Kai felt the same way about him made Fumi nervous, however. He didn’t want to somehow hurt their friendship if he was rejected, but the deep longing for Kai to reciprocate his love that seemed to permeate Fumi’s entire being was starting to become too much to bear...
Fumi’s lips curled up into a smile as he danced gracefully across the dance floor. It seemed that he had an audience of one at the moment, and he knew exactly whose gaze was currently watching him with great interest. Stopping in the middle of the room, Fumi turned towards the door and winked.
“Do you like what you see, Kai?”
Kai stepped fully into the room, gazing at Fumi with a fond smile on his face; it was almost beautiful enough to make him swoon right then and there. Fumi walked towards him and met him halfway across the room.
“Your dancing is as captivating as ever,” Kai said. Fumi laughed, rubbing his chin as he leaned in close to Kai.
“Captivating, hm? That’s quite a...romantic way to describe it.” Fumi’s tone was teasing, but his eyes widened when Kai turned his face away; his cheeks had flushed a rather adorable shade of pink.
“It’s true. I’ve...always thought that, Fumi.” Kai’s voice had dropped to a whisper, and when his gaze returned to Fumi’s, he swore that he saw the same longing in Kai’s beautiful golden eyes that he saw in his own every time he looked in the mirror. Maybe there was a chance that he felt the same way...
“Hm, well, since you’re here...” Fumi’s eyes remained locked onto Kai’s as he held out his hand, his lips curling up into the softest of smiles. “Dance with me. Not as Jack Ace and Al Jeanne, or as vessel and flower...but as Kai and Fumi.”
Kai’s eyes flicked to stare at Fumi’s hand for a moment, and when he looked back at Fumi, he answered with a beautiful smile of his own and placed his hand in his. “I’d like that.”
And just like that, they were dancing together again, and it felt like they had never even been apart. Kai led Fumi with the skill that the latter expected from him, and Fumi was free to dance to his heart’s content. It was amazing, really, just how happy Fumi felt in this moment; apparently he had missed being Kai’s partner much more than he thought.
After putting Kai through his paces with quick and complex dances, Fumi eventually changed things up so that they were slowly swaying together to the music in their heads; Kai didn’t miss a beat. Fumi had done this on purpose, as he really felt like the time might be right to make his feelings for Kai known.
“This feels really nice, Kai,” Fumi said to break the silence, and he let out a deep sigh. “It’s a shame that we’ve been separated during our more recent performances, because I missed being partnered with you.”
Kai slowly nodded, lifting his arm so that Fumi could twirl under it. “It was a good challenge to be given different roles, but I feel the same way. I...missed you, Fumi.” Fumi felt his heart skip a beat at that, and he stepped closer to Kai, startling him when he abruptly stopped their dance.
“It felt weird to be separated,” Fumi said, “It’s always been the two of us, hasn’t it? Al Jeanne and Jack Ace. Flower and vessel. You’ve been the one who has supported me the most these past two years, Kai, and I can’t thank you enough for that. I just wish...I could have supported you more.”
Kai tilted his head at Fumi and gave his hand a squeeze; Fumi had to muster up all of his willpower to resist the urge to entwine their fingers together. “Fumi, I’ve never been good at expressing my feelings...but you have supported me. I wouldn’t have gotten this far and achieved what I have without you by my side.”
Fumi’s eyes widened, a considerable warmth flooding through his entire being as his heartbeat roared within his ears. Hearing those words straight from Kai’s mouth lifted a weight of guilt from Fumi’s chest, and he knew that if he didn’t tell Kai how he felt right now, he wouldn’t get another chance.
“You’re more than that to me, you know,” Fumi started, feeling his cheeks heat up as he paused to clear his throat. “You’re not just my Jack Ace, my vessel, my best friend. You’ve actually become...the most important person in my life. I have a hard time being apart from you for even a moment. It’s rather frustrating at times...” Fumi trailed off, unsure of how to - or if he even should - proceed, but when his eyes locked with Kai’s - which were shining bright like ethereal pools of pure sunshine - Fumi was given pause at the amount of fondness that he saw in them.
“...I love you, Fumi.”
Fumi blinked. “Eh?”
“I love you.”
As Kai stared at him expectantly, Fumi stifled a laugh, before sighing and shaking his head. That was just like Kai to get straight to the point without any flowery padding, and Fumi felt like a fool for being worried about rejection in the first place.
Letting out a light chuckle, Fumi snaked his arms around Kai’s neck, who silently stared at him with wide eyes and his mouth slightly agape. “Aha, I spent too much time beating around the bush, and let you swoop in and steal my thunder. Well, no use in putting it off any longer...”
Without giving Kai time to respond, Fumi’s arms slipped further around his neck, pulling him down until their lips met in a tender kiss. Kai froze for a moment, but Fumi felt him smile against his lips, so he let his eyes slip shut and enjoyed the incredibly blissful moment of finally kissing the man that he loved. Fumi’s fingers settled in the hair on the back of Kai’s neck, and Kai’s hand moved to the small of his back, while his other one slipped between Fumi’s shoulder blades, and Fumi allowed himself to be pulled flush against him.
Unfortunately, they both needed to breathe at some point, so Fumi reluctantly broke the kiss. He chuckled as he watched a slightly befuddled Kai try to catch his breath, and when he had recovered, Fumi reached up to gently cup his face and stared deep into his eyes.
“I love you too, Kai.” Fumi’s smile grew wider when Kai reached up to gently brush a few loose strands of hair from his face. “I think I’ve loved you for a while now, actually. I just didn’t realize how deep my feelings ran until we were forced apart, I guess.”
“Fumi...” Kai let out a groan and pulled Fumi into a tight embrace. Fumi raised an eyebrow as he slowly returned the hug.
“Uh, Kai...?”
“I’m so relieved that you love me too,” Kai said, “because I was so scared to tell you how I felt.”
Fumi laughed as he rest his head against Kai’s chest. “Well, I’m glad I’m not the only one who was scared. I’m also glad you managed to work up the courage instead of letting me ramble on all day.”
Kai laughed this time, and the sound was like music to Fumi’s ears. When Fumi lifted his head from his chest and tiled his chin upwards, Kai’s lips were there to capture his again, and Fumi couldn’t believe that he could finally call this incredible man his.
Fumi’s arms suddenly tightened around Kai, causing him to break the kiss. When Kai looked down at him with eyes narrowed in confusion, Fumi grinned and leaned up to whisper in his ear:
“So...do you think our audience is enjoying the show?”
Kai only chuckled in response, and Fumi let out a sigh as he turned his head towards the door. “Oi! This isn’t a public performance!”
“Oh, shit!”
“Suzu, shh!”
Following the obvious voices of Suzu and Kisa, sounds of fumbling and hurried footsteps (Fumi assumed that there were at least five pairs of them) could be heard coming from the other side of the door as their audience swiftly exited stage left. All except for one; Neji poked his head in the door with a broad grin on his face.
“Con! Gra! Tu! Lations!” Neji exclaimed with a flourish of his arms. “I knew it was only a matter of time until you both did something about the heart-eyes you’ve been sending each other all this time, hehe! Have fun!” He was quick to retreat himself after Fumi sent a heated glare his way.
“Hahh, what a bunch of troublemakers...” Fumi placed his hands on his hips and shook his head. Kai chuckled, before slipping his arms back around Fumi and pulling him close again, much to the latter’s surprise.
“Oh?” A sly grin crossed Fumi’s face as he brushed the back of his fingers over Kai’s flushed cheek. “You haven’t had enough of me yet?”
“I could never get enough of you, Fumi,” Kai said so earnestly that he caused Fumi to avert his gaze while his face flushed as red as Kai’s.
“You’re way too sweet, Kai.” Fumi pouted, feigning annoyance as he let out a huff. “I would have confessed sooner if I knew that you’d say things like that to get me all flustered.”
“Sorry...” Kai seemed to deflate a bit, which made Fumi feel guilty, so he quickly shook his head.
“No, I like it. A lot.”
Before he could respond, Fumi kissed Kai deep and tender, and he was amazed that it already felt like the most natural thing in the world. When he pulled away this time, he pressed his forehead against Kai’s and offered him the sweetest of smiles.
“I love you.”
Kai returned his smile - so bright and kind and full of fondness that it gave Fumi pause - before reaching out to take his hand. As Kai lifted it to his face, Fumi’s eyes went wide when Kai placed a soft kiss against his knuckles.
“I love you too.”
Fumi held Kai’s hand for a moment as he waited for his heart to stop racing, and he entwined their fingers together. “I know we might not ever get paired together again on stage, but...as long as you’re beside me off of it, I don’t think I’ll mind as much.”
Kai nodded and gave his hand a squeeze. “I will be, as long as you want me, Fumi.”
“Heh, you better watch what you say,” Fumi snickered and playfully jabbed his elbow into Kai’s side, “because you’re going to be stuck with me for quite a long time if that’s how you feel.”
“That’s all I want.”
Fumi’s face started burning, and he laughed as he hooked his arm through Kai’s and tugged him towards the door. “Hahhh, honestly...You’re really going to give me a heart attack with how much you make my heart race, Kai. C’mon, let’s go find a good spot for our first lunch date.”
Kai smiled as he leaned over and placed a kiss on Fumi’s cheek. “I’m looking forward to it.” As they both left the training room - closer than they’ve ever been before - it wasn’t just their first date that they were looking forward to; they were also excited to see what the future had in store for them, not as Jack Ace and Al Jeanne, or as vessel and flower, but as Kai and Fumi.
