#karai things

[calamitycrystal]

Back in Alola and burning it up. 

[calamitycrystal]

changed my about page a bit. much less rambleish now, I think. 

[calamitycrystal]

why can’t technology just like me? 

Why can’t we be friends? 

what did I ever do to you.

I have something to get done and you’re really making it hard right now. 

[calamitycrystal]

aaaagggh

people shouldn’t think i’m cool or somethin like that for any reason. i don’t deserve anyone saying something like that or being nice to me like that. 

i’ll probably just end up disappointing them. 

[calamitycrystal]

I came out to murder everyone and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now. 

[calamitycrystal]

Torn between doing a couple of incredibly stupid things and not doing them at all... 

[calamitycrystal]

... I feel like I'm not allowed to be blunt, or even a little mean sometimes at all.

It's out of character.

Isn't it?

I don't like that. That feeling. That I have to constantly be alright with everything. Sometimes I'm not.

I let a lot of things go because I understand how things are. And it's okay. It's really okay. Even if it bothers me a bit, it's not something I can help. It's fine.

But when it pertains directly to me, it's a little worse, I think. I have a lot of problems with anxiety and my eyes and life in general because of things that have been happening recently. These are some things that I've curled up in bed and cried over because they've gotten so bad. These are things that I never want someone to joke about, because it feels more like my problems are being disregarded and poked fun at.

That's one of the reasons why I'm kind of sensitive about my eye issues.

People don't understand it, or what it does to me. I can tell them about it, but they kind of just write it off because, hey, I'm still able to function with this, right?

A lot of the time I'm less okay than I actually seem. I can't just focus on the problem though, because then I wouldn't really be a person anymore. Just an issue.

But that doesn't change the fact that it is a problem, a very troubling and distracting one that's hard to deal with.

I'd really like for people to realize that. And just... to understand that there'll be times when I need to freak out about it, but that doesn't mean I'm asking for help, or something to make it better. Nothing's going to make the situation better, and if anything, like I said, I'd likely just feel like my situation was being mocked.

I am sorry if I get kind of mean about it. I'm sorry if I get kind of mean when it comes to matters that are touchy to me. I'm not gonna hold a grudge about it or anything. Just... be mindful if you talk to me when I'm complaining about things, okay? I'd do the same for you.

[calamitycrystal]

Why do my eyes have to hate me.