#kat screams

[howl-of-the-blood]

The more I work on Heart with Teeth, the more I realize how much I'm not made for visual novels. It took me almost 10 years to realize this, unfortunately.

Beware of a disorganized, but not entirely negative, rant below:

Howl of the Blood was an idea that I got back in 2016, so pretty much exactly 10 years ago. Back then, I didn't even have a drawing tablet of any kind, and wanted to draw everything by mouse lmao. But I also didn't have any kind of social media back then, and my Internet experience was super poor (mind you, I was already 27 in 2016). I accidentally learned about and tried out several visual novels, and I wanted to make a choose-your-own-adventure story so badly. I thought visual novels were the only option for that.

I have always been both a writer and an illustrator since I was a kid. But probably 60% writer and 40% artist. So I really thought I had it in me. Enough of it to make a visual novel of that magnitude. I had no idea how much making art for the visual novel would doom me and change me, basically.

A big part of me regrets giving so much of my time and energy to making Howl of the Blood, and starting over and over again, and ending up with nothing substantial. But another big part of me is so grateful for ever striving toward it because my drawing skills improved immensely (and I even started earning some money because of it), and my writing skills in English really developed.

I hate that, at 36, I feel I'm too late. I'm done. My time has passed. All the younger ones achieved so much more. I feel like shit because of it. Less because I feel like a failure compared to others and more because I'm scared life won't let me finish my projects. My dad died from cancer when he was 46, so only 10 years older than me. My mom has rheumatism. She is 64, and her fingers are crooked. What if my fingers get so crooked and painful that I can't draw or write ever again? The idea terrifies me.

But there is nothing I can do. I can only strive forward as much as I can. Bite and growl, fall and crawl again. I might sound very gloomy right now, but this is kinda normal for me lmao. I have a lot less hope than I have spite, and spite and stubbornness and a bit of crazy will always push me forward.

Thanks for sticking around, my friend. We crawl forward!

[scarlett-vixen]

Uhhhhh skskskskdjneksns *stands dangerously close to mic* thanks. O.o

but in all seriousness: HOW DID I GET HERE?! Seven months ago I had like 5 of you and now this *gestures vaguely* babes I would LOVE to do an event but I literally don’t know what to do skdjsjsn open to suggestions though because I love y’all💖💖💖 thank you for sticking around and loving me and my incessant screaming!!!

[0alliedmastercomputer0]

This account was supposed to be just for my AI AU garbage in general but now all my brain can fixate on now is my ihnmaims D&D AU for AM and Mia.... RIP me

Hate computer brainrot is very powerful, I am eternally suffering 💀

[pompompurindazai]

I got a dazai figurine😶🏃‍♀️

[nanaminslover]

LEVI IS ALIVE?????????

I’m screaming, I don’t even have words for how I feel

[p0stmortem]

i am going to fucminf stream art hold o

[leafshining]

HIS DARK MATERIALS FANDOM WHERE ARE YOU? Volume one? THERES MORE?!

[howl-of-the-blood]

I'm quite pissed off right now because Slavic aesthetic are the woods, and the waters and the mountains and the rain and lakes and the birds and the clouds. Not scorching heat that burns my skin like I inserted myself in an oven.